Offline dating? Don't give up!

dcfaithful · June 2010

Lauri wrote:

dcfaithful wrote:

I know you didn't say this yourself, but in the past I've had women tell me that they don't approach men because that's what men are supposed to do, just my personal opinion, that is fucking stupid.

nah, that's not it. I'm just shy and don't know what to say. Plus, I've kind of gotten to the point that like, why do I always have to make a move? Like there's a guy at my gym who is always smiling at me, and my friends are like, "you should go talk to him" and but it's like he's the one who likes me, I'm not particularly interested at this point, so why should I have to go through all the trouble.

What if he's just as shy as you are? Eventually someone's gotta make a move...but if you're not interested enough then you probably won't do it...

What's the worst someone could say? "No thanks."...if they get anymore rude than that, well then you're definitely not missing out.

Don't let a good opportunity slip by you because your shy -- be aggressive, it'll pay off.

dcfaithful · June 2010

norm, your location is just where I want to be! :ugeek:

Lauri · June 2010

dcfaithful wrote:

What's the worst someone could say? "No thanks."...if they get anymore rude than that, well then you're definitely not missing out.

Don't let a good opportunity slip by you because your shy -- be aggressive, it'll pay off.

I just have no idea what to say to some stranger that's just sitting there minding his own business. I mean I have no trouble talking to strangers if I actually have something to say to them (as opposed to just wanting to meet them because they appear to be an attractive man). Like I always give people random compliments or comment on their dog or their cute kid, or share an exasperated head shake when public transportation is not functioning properly...but I don't have an agenda in those situations. I just genuinely like that woman's shoes or love german sherpherds...

dcfaithful · June 2010

Lauri wrote:

dcfaithful wrote:

What's the worst someone could say? "No thanks."...if they get anymore rude than that, well then you're definitely not missing out.

Don't let a good opportunity slip by you because your shy -- be aggressive, it'll pay off.

I just have no idea what to say to some stranger that's just sitting there minding his own business. I mean I have no trouble talking to strangers if I actually have something to say to them (as opposed to just wanting to meet them because they appear to be an attractive man). Like I always give people random compliments or comment on their dog or their cute kid, or share an exasperated head shake when public transportation is not functioning properly...but I don't have an agenda in those situations. I just genuinely like that woman's shoes or love german sherpherds...

Try approaching it as though you're not meeting one another for attractive interest.

A simple "hi" with a smile and introducing yourself is a good start. Trust me, if he is smiling at you continuously and hasn't approached you, I'm sure he is too shy. You instigating it would probably make both of you happy...

I have always liked when a girl would call me out on something, in a humourous way:

"I've seen you smile at me and have wondering what has been taking you so long to come say hi..."

That's a nice invitation to a friendly conversation...with not too much pressure, but I think it obviously gets the point across that you were noticing and liking him smiling at you...

Sometimes you have to be honest and up front. Like I said, what's the worst that can happen? He'd express that he wasn't too interested, but 98% of the time he'll be very kind and friendly about it, and hey...if anything, at least you met a new, pleasant person to casual say hi to at the gym.

Dissidentman · June 2010

Or my personal favorite to help break the awkward silence...

I'll see you when the restraining order expires.

dcfaithful · June 2010

Dissidentman wrote:

Or my personal favorite to help break the awkward silence...

I'll see you when the restraining order expires.

Lauri · June 2010

dcfaithful wrote:

Sometimes you have to be honest and up front. Like I said, what's the worst that can happen? He'd express that he wasn't too interested, but 98% of the time he'll be very kind and friendly about it, and hey...if anything, at least you met a new, pleasant person to casual say hi to at the gym.

oooohhhh I wasn't talking about the gym guy, I was talking about random people you just see once, like the subway guy...I don't really care about talking to the gym guy. I don't really find him particularly attractive. Now I'm not saying I wouldn't like him if I met him, and he's not hideous looking or anything, but there's nothing on the exterior that prompts me to say anything to him, which is why i think he should make the effort if he does see something about me...but that's not really my point. Anyway, I think it's easier to say something to someone that you see regularly in some context.

It also seems a little weird to me to "approach like it's not an attraction interest" because I (and presumably most people) don't go around just introducing themselves to everyone in the gym or on the subway or whatever. I think if you randomly go up to someone and say, "hi, I'm Lauri," they pretty much know what's up.

peacegirl · June 2010

Lauri wrote:

peacegirl wrote:

there is a golf course near my house that a lot of people run or walk around...I was out there one day and this guy stopped to talk to me & gave me his number...I hadn't called him yet and then we saw each other at a race and talked again...so then I called him and we've been seeing each other for about a month now

what did he say to you? I could pass attractive men all day and not know what to say to them!

me too - I am very shy but since he approached me and gave me his number I at least knew he was interested

it was a very short conversation/meeting..he just asked if I ran/walked out there much and said to call him if I ever wanted any company out there....we actually passed each other a few times after that before I had called him - a little awkward...then when we saw each other at the race he said he'd still like to join me sometime...I figured what the hell and I called him about a week later

Lauri · June 2010

peacegirl wrote:

me too - I am very shy but since he approached me and gave me his number I at least knew he was interested

it was a very short conversation/meeting..he just asked if I ran/walked out there much and said to call him if I ever wanted any company out there....we actually passed each other a few times after that before I had called him - a little awkward...then when we saw each other at the race he said he'd still like to join me sometime...I figured what the hell and I called him about a week later

Yeah that's the thing with me, I intend to assume they wouldn't be interested. That's why online dating always seemed easy, because everyone knows everyone's agenda, there's an easy signal- if they write back you know they at least think you're cute, etc.

Did he stop you while you were running? Haha I'm just picturing you running one way and him running the other and yelling at you, "hey! run here often! call me!"

oh and when you called him, did you actually suggest running together or did you go on a regular date? see in that situation (and I am interested in this because this would be a common situation for me) I wouldn't know what to do because I hate running with other people, and I wouldn't want trying to impress a guy to impede my run...

peacegirl · June 2010

Lauri wrote:

peacegirl wrote:

me too - I am very shy but since he approached me and gave me his number I at least knew he was interested

it was a very short conversation/meeting..he just asked if I ran/walked out there much and said to call him if I ever wanted any company out there....we actually passed each other a few times after that before I had called him - a little awkward...then when we saw each other at the race he said he'd still like to join me sometime...I figured what the hell and I called him about a week later

Yeah that's the thing with me, I intend to assume they wouldn't be interested. That's why online dating always seemed easy, because everyone knows everyone's agenda, there's an easy signal- if they write back you know they at least think you're cute, etc.

Did he stop you while you were running? Haha I'm just picturing you running one way and him running the other and yelling at you, "hey! run here often! call me!"

oh and when you called him, did you actually suggest running together or did you go on a regular date? see in that situation (and I am interested in this because this would be a common situation for me) I wouldn't know what to do because I hate running with other people, and I wouldn't want trying to impress a guy to impede my run...

we weren't running in opposite directions - that would have been funny!

I was further ahead of him and he came up next to me

when I called him I suggested we go out running because I still had some doubt about whether or not he really was interested so I figured that would be an easy "date" and I didn't worry about impressing him because I already knew he was WAY faster/better than me...the conversation when we were running/walking went really well and then he asked me to meet him for dinner afterwards...by then I was more comfortable/relaxed because I knew for sure that he was interested

Lauri · June 2010

peacegirl wrote:

I didn't worry about impressing him because I already knew he was WAY faster/better than me...the conversation when we were running/walking went really well and then he asked me to meet him for dinner afterwards...

wow that's pretty good. I've met very few people who would be comfortable in either or those positions- being the slower runner or the faster runner. I would be embarrassed to run with a guy who's faster than I am and it seems so few runners would be willing to run at a pace that's not a challenge for them just to talk to someone. I'd be afraid a good runner wouldn't like me anymore if he didn't think I was fit enough! I sometimes do casual rides with a cycling group, but I don't feel like I could meet guys doing something athletic-- I feel like they're always judging me on my fitness level (whether it's lower than there's or not). I guess it comes from years of online dating and reading over and over again requests for women who are not "fit" not to write to them. And I'm fit, I just go in phases of being in awesome shape and being in decent shape and I usually feel like the latter wouldn't be good enough for a guy! That's really impressive that you didn't feel intimidated- I would have been really nervous about screwing up and looking like a slacker!

JOEJOEJOE · June 2010

nah, that's not it. I'm just shy and don't know what to say. Plus, I've kind of gotten to the point that like, why do I always have to make a move? Like there's a guy at my gym who is always smiling at me, and my friends are like, "you should go talk to him" and but it's like he's the one who likes me, I'm not particularly interested at this point, so why should I have to go through all the trouble.[/quote]

Try and weigh the cost/benefit of approaching someone:

Downside - they aren't interested, so your pride/feelings may get hurt, but you will recover.

Upside - you may find eternal, or perhaps, temporary love and happiness.

PearlOfAGirl · June 2010

I'm hoping that the gym is where I will meet someone special, or just even to go out and have fun with... :thumbup:

Lauri · June 2010

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Upside - you may find eternal, or perhaps, temporary love and happiness.

I guess when you already have those things there's less motivation.

JOEJOEJOE · June 2010

Lauri wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Upside - you may find eternal, or perhaps, temporary love and happiness.

I guess when you already have those things there's less motivation.

Hopefully, when someone has those things, they don't need motivation to refrain!

decides2dream · June 2010

if you're interested in someone, you go for it....no excuses. you don't 'worry' about ruining your run, or being too slow or too fast....b/c you both are in it to get to know each other, not a work-out. that can come later.

if you're not interested, you move on...no excuses. if someone is flirty or not, if you're not into them...you just go about your business.

it's quite simple that.

i may be long out of the game, but i know a lot of single, or recently coupled folks....and i'd say it's a pretty 60/40 split nowadays on who met in real life and who met online. all viable options.

and love and happiness is an awesome thing, but if you are still looking for *something* perhaps you want to ADD to that love and happiness....some romantic love and happiness. if not, i guess just want to get laid? all good options there too. i think it helps to know what you want, then you know how to look for it, seek it...or let it find you too. being open to it is a big plus.

JOEJOEJOE · June 2010

Don't look to someone else to make you happy, look to them to make you Happier!

You don't add BBQ sauce to a bad steak to make it taste better!

Hopefully when your meat is good, someone will come along and add their bbq sauce to make your meat even better!

Same goes for a good sundae.....hot fudge tastes much better on good quality ice cream!

Be the USDA Prime beef, and be the good ice cream.....once that is accomplished, the great sauces will just flow your way!

decides2dream · June 2010

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Don't look to someone else to make you happy, look to them to make you Happier!

You don't add BBQ sauce to a bad steak to make it taste better!

Hopefully when your meat is good, someone will come along and add their bbq sauce to make your meat even better!

Same goes for a good sundae.....hot fudge tastes much better on good quality ice cream!

Be the USDA Prime beef, and be the good ice cream.....once that is accomplished, the great sauces will just flow your way!

someone is hungry, eh?

please pass along what you're smokin' today joex3.

JOEJOEJOE · June 2010

decides2dream wrote:

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Don't look to someone else to make you happy, look to them to make you Happier!

You don't add BBQ sauce to a bad steak to make it taste better!

Hopefully when your meat is good, someone will come along and add their bbq sauce to make your meat even better!

Same goes for a good sundae.....hot fudge tastes much better on good quality ice cream!

Be the USDA Prime beef, and be the good ice cream.....once that is accomplished, the great sauces will just flow your way!

someone is hungry, eh?

please pass along what you're smokin' today joex3.

Very hungry!

No need for me to smoke...my mind already works in absurd ways!

decides2dream · June 2010

JOEJOEJOE wrote:

Very hungry!

No need for me to smoke...my mind already works in absurd ways!

i just ate...tho cherries await. yummmm.

and i knew i liked ya!

keeping on topic, you met the soon-to-be mrs. joex3 online or organically?
i met the mr. dream the old-fashioned way at a party, tho knew him for years before.

Offline dating? Don't give up!

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