News Alert! Guys don't want to be "Just friends"
Comments
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scb wrote:I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
scb wrote:especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues 0 -
norm wrote:
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
And my wife and I had awesome issues for 10 amazing years until she passed away from cancer. What a bond we shared, and it was ours and it was special as hell.0 -
norm wrote:scb wrote:I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?norm wrote:scb wrote:especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...
That tends to be my thinking on the issue as well. But, according to this thread, I need to learn that that's just the way it is and proceed accordingly.0 -
Gems and Rhinestones wrote:norm wrote:
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
And my wife and I had awesome issues for 10 amazing years until she passed away from cancer.
:( I'm sorry to hear that. Fuck cancer. :evil:0 -
skyeriverwinter wrote:My 17 year old daughter is best friends with a boy...and trust me...he doesn't want to have sex with her...this I know for a fact.
I think this thread is obviously about straight men being friends with straight women. NOT about gay men being friends with women.
(That's more like having a good girlfriend.) Except occasionally they do turn out to be bi... :? :shock:&&&&&&&&&&&&&&0 -
who started this thread anyway?
:roll:"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford0 -
scb wrote:norm wrote:scb wrote:I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
right off the bat (more or less) you want to talk about abortion and healthcare?? how about getting to know the person first..ie family, childhood...life experiences...i realize these things are important to you but i'd rather talk about those things further down the line...one's opinion on those issues do not necessarily make the person
Good point, good point. I guess I feel like finding out about his values with regard to such issues is part of getting to know a person. I know those types of issues don't make the person but, to me, they can be a deal-breaker with regard to serious relationships. (Also, I figure he might like to know how I feel off the bat, in case it's a deal breaker for him. It's not a stretch to think a guy who went to Bible college might not want to date a woman who helps women get abortions, ya know?) Really, though, it's just been an attempt to turn conversations to more serious topics than bacon.
I did try to talk to him about the other stuff first though (and still do). I got some basic factual info, but nothing that I felt helped me really get to know him better. For instance, he told me what part of the country he's from, but I had to ask really specific questions for any details. And I didn't get any sense of how being raised in that area affected who he IS - just what sports teams he likes. And I've tried to ask him a lot about his jobs teaching special education and working at a homeless shelter since, to me, they indicate such traits as compassion, but he doesn't really talk about what led him to those professions, what it means to him, etc. I just get factual info and jokes. We've talked about musicians he likes and people he admires, but he hasn't articulated what he admires about these people. Maybe I'm just a bad conversationalist. I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
Also, he hasn't really asked me much about myself. He's asked me where I work, but not what I do there. I mentioned that I'm in school, but he didn't ask what I'm studying. I just don't know how or whether to deal with these situations, especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
maybe he also realizes it's not easy to get to know someone via text, so he's trying to avoid those serious meaningful conversations until they can be had in person instead of texts. the texts are just for fun to show he's a friendly, funny guy.0 -
norm wrote:scb wrote:especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
amen to that.0 -
scb wrote:norm wrote:scb wrote:I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.0 -
soulsinging wrote:
amen to that.
Spoken like someone who has NEVER been married or had an incredible bond with a classy woman.0 -
soulsinging wrote:scb wrote:norm wrote:
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy0 -
norm wrote:[
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
REFERENCE HARRY'S RULE #1 :
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. "This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford0 -
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.norm wrote:soulsinging wrote:scb wrote:
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy0 -
locked wrote:norm wrote:[
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
REFERENCE HARRY'S RULE #1 :
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
it's a waste of time. some people are just not smart enough to get it.0 -
norm wrote:soulsinging wrote:scb wrote:
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guyMrSmith wrote:no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
thats what i've been saying too MrSmith. but these macho types who sling curse words to show they got testosterone (oooh I'm impressed) keep flipping it to the tthought of not trusting the woman. It's just if your in a loving relationship and starting a family and sharing and dedicating your life together......who wants to play around with a horny guy who tries to catch a glimpse down her shirt every chance he gets. Some couples got better things to do than feed these guys their worthless and pointless hopes. If she has class in my opinion she wouldn't want a man friend who would wreck her home if he had a chance. Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could. So if a woman's female friend wanted so bad to fuck her husband would she keep her as a friend or tell her, you got problems, why would you want to sleep with my husband and ruin my marriage (even though the husband wouldn't sleep with the friend) why would anyone want that person around them.0 -
Gems and Rhinestones wrote:Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could.
That's what I've always said - I wouldn't want a friend like that. But if we assume all guys want to sleep with us, we're being presumptious and full of ourselves and judging/stereotyping nice, innocent guys unfairly. But if we give them the benefit of the doubt, we're accused of being a tease. It's all fucking bullshit if you ask me. And us poor women can't win for losing.0 -
MrSmith wrote:
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.norm wrote:yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
So are you saying my guy friends are only still friends with me because of some hope that I might someday sleep with them? Is it not possible that they're still around just because I'm an awesome person and a good friend?0 -
hmm i need more info. take my patented Love Test:scb wrote:MrSmith wrote:
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.norm wrote:yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
So are you saying my guy friends are only still friends with me because of some hope that I might someday sleep with them? Is it not possible that they're still around just because I'm an awesome person and a good friend?
a: do they NOT find you at all attractive? even a little?
b: are they really your boyfriend's friends and just yours by extension?
c: are they gay?
answering no to all of those, and i'm thinking: yeah they want benefits. dont get me wrong, im sure they like you as a friend somewhat, i'm sure youre cool. but its probably either they think of you more as an aquaintance they wouldnt mind banging or they really like you, in which case they want more and will only settle for less for awhile. or the other option is they are desperate and will settle for any contact with a girl even if its just friends. been there, done that to all of the above!
just call me Dr Love. if anyone else needs advice im here for you. 0 -
[quote="Gems and Rhinestones"quote="norm"quote="soulsinging"quote="scb"
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?[/quote]
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.[/quote]
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
quote="MrSmith"
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
thats what i've been saying too MrSmith. but these macho types who sling curse words to show they got testosterone (oooh I'm impressed) keep flipping it to the tthought of not trusting the woman. It's just if your in a loving relationship and starting a family and sharing and dedicating your life together......who wants to play around with a horny guy who tries to catch a glimpse down her shirt every chance he gets. Some couples got better things to do than feed these guys their worthless and pointless hopes. If she has class in my opinion she wouldn't want a man friend who would wreck her home if he had a chance. Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could. So if a woman's female friend wanted so bad to fuck her husband would she keep her as a friend or tell her, you got problems, why would you want to sleep with my husband and ruin my marriage (even though the husband wouldn't sleep with the friend) why would anyone want that person around them./quote
Are you talking about your friends hanging out with your wife, or her friends that she may have had a very long time before you ever came into the picture and never slept with before so why would she be sleeping with them now and vice versa. I'm sorry but you have some major issues. I know I have issues with hanging out with women. I just don't trust them. I don't hang out with women other than my sister and daughter who I trust. Past experience has taught me that your friend will always try to sleep with your boyfriend or husband. But their is a difference between guys and girls who have been friends a long time before you were there. Guys can be friends with women and not want to sleep with them. I know if for a fact."In the age of darkness
want to be enlightened"0
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