News Alert! Guys don't want to be "Just friends"
Comments
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for most guys - they separate sex and love ... most women don't ... that's the difference ...
take a dozen set of friends comprised of one man and one woman ... assuming each person in the friendship considers the other attractive but are not interested in a dating relationship ... most guys will be good with just having sex and continuing with the status quo ... while most women wouldn't ...
having said that - once you start having sex ... things ALWAYS change and i think women are more astute to that then men ...0 -
Lauri wrote:soulsinging wrote:Lauri wrote:I mean that's how it works- if two people meet and they like each other but aren't attracted to each other, they become friends. If one or both likes the other and finds them attractive, something romantic or sexual happens.
hahahaha, god if only this stuff were this simple!
I don't know, it's always been this simple for me. I'm not saying I haven't had feelings for someone that weren't returned or vice versa, but it's still the basic principle. If it's anymore complicated and people create barriers to friendships or romantic relationships for the sake of drama, it's not worth it. If you like each "that way" date, if you don't, be friends. No biggie.
who says it gets complicated only for the sake of drama? sometimes it's complicated just becos people are confused or have conflicting desires just on their own. or things change. there are a million reasons for complications... it's not like we're inventing things to make our lives harder. we're just not robots and emotions aren't always simple to understand or react to.0 -
soulsinging wrote:
how is it diff? the guy would've had the sex and consequences to the friendship be damned, the girl wouldn't becos she wasn't willing to risk hurting the friendship. how is that NOT a different approach?
you mention it yourself... if you're not sure, girls don't jeopardize the friendship. guys are the opposite... if unsure, fuck her and find out. that's why guys don't make a move in that situation. girls are risk-averse on this front and even asking her could kill your friendship by making it awkward.
She said she didn't want to risk the friendship, but that's just a nice way of putting it. If she wanted to sleep with him, she doesn't want the friendship anymore, she wants to sleep with him, so it doesn't matter.
I think if a female were into her male friend and came onto him and he wasn't sure, he wouldn't necessarily go along with it just because he's a guy. First, if he were attracted to her he would have pushed the relationship in that direction too. If he's not attracted to her, he he's not attracted to her so it's mute- she gets rejected. Secondly, no guy wants to purposely hurt someone he cares about. If he knows he's really not attracted to her, he knows that going through the motions could end up hurting her in the future.
I just don't think that all my male friends have wanted to sleep with me at some point. They obviously didn't find me attractive. And I don't think that's because I'm "not the least bit hot" because obviously I'm normal looking enough for other men to find me attractive, but what ever reasons, some times people get along but they just don't find each other attractive, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends, so there you go.0 -
Lauri wrote:soulsinging wrote:
how is it diff? the guy would've had the sex and consequences to the friendship be damned, the girl wouldn't becos she wasn't willing to risk hurting the friendship. how is that NOT a different approach?
you mention it yourself... if you're not sure, girls don't jeopardize the friendship. guys are the opposite... if unsure, fuck her and find out. that's why guys don't make a move in that situation. girls are risk-averse on this front and even asking her could kill your friendship by making it awkward.
She said she didn't want to risk the friendship, but that's just a nice way of putting it. If she wanted to sleep with him, she doesn't want the friendship anymore, she wants to sleep with him, so it doesn't matter.
I think if a female were into her male friend and came onto him and he wasn't sure, he wouldn't necessarily go along with it just because he's a guy. First, if he were attracted to her he would have pushed the relationship in that direction too. If he's not attracted to her, he he's not attracted to her so it's mute- she gets rejected. Secondly, no guy wants to purposely hurt someone he cares about. If he knows he's really not attracted to her, he knows that going through the motions could end up hurting her in the future.
I just don't think that all my male friends have wanted to sleep with me at some point. They obviously didn't find me attractive. And I don't think that's because I'm "not the least bit hot" because obviously I'm normal looking enough for other men to find me attractive, but what ever reasons, some times people get along but they just don't find each other attractive, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends, so there you go.
Lauri the whole point of this thread is that YES your non-gay male friends have thought of sleeping with you before. you may not believe it but trust us men - ALL of them at one point have thought about it. and as the person above says, for the men it is not about love - it's about sex.
have you ever heard of a man saying he doesn't want to sleep with a woman because it will ruin the friendship? heck no - men will sleep with them whenever they can
women on the other hand do think about the consequences of the friendship before sleeping with a guy friend - that is the difference.Post edited by pjhawks on0 -
again, i really wish my life was as simple and black and white as yours... where you always know exactly what you want from somebody and you're either friends or lovers and attracted or not... and there's never any confusion or mixed motives involved. maybe she's horny and would like to get laid but doesn't want to be more than friends with said dude... she won't sleep with him becos she knows it could backfire. i think a guy would and just convince himself everything will be fine.Lauri wrote:She said she didn't want to risk the friendship, but that's just a nice way of putting it. If she wanted to sleep with him, she doesn't want the friendship anymore, she wants to sleep with him, so it doesn't matter..
i think far more guys than girls would go along with it. i suspect you know this is true and you're just arguing becos you don't want to believe it or think it shouldn't be that way. you'd be shocked at how many guys will play the perfect friend for years to a woman they have the hots for out of fear that pushing the relationship in that direction will cause her to cut him off. i've done it, and almost every guy i know has too. so no, they wouldn't necessarily be pushing things. and you're right, no guy wants to purposely hurt someone he cares about, but you don't get how easily we can rationalize anything to come to the conclusion that sex is ok in a given situation. the most extreme case is date rape, where otherwise normal, decent guys suddenly convince themselves that becos she was too drunk to say no it meant she wanted him. in this situation, it's a bit less extreme... we can convince ourselves that it's just sex and both us and her will be fine just having some fun and nobody will get hurt. we're usually wrong about that, but we don't have our heads on as straight as women do when it comes to this.Lauri wrote:[I think if a female were into her male friend and came onto him and he wasn't sure, he wouldn't necessarily go along with it just because he's a guy. First, if he were attracted to her he would have pushed the relationship in that direction too. If he's not attracted to her, he he's not attracted to her so it's mute- she gets rejected. Secondly, no guy wants to purposely hurt someone he cares about. If he knows he's really not attracted to her, he knows that going through the motions could end up hurting her in the future.0 -
soulsinging wrote:scb wrote:Well that's their failing and problem if you ask me.
who said it's a failure or a problem?
Obviously I just did.0 -
scb wrote:soulsinging wrote:scb wrote:Well that's their failing and problem if you ask me.
who said it's a failure or a problem?
Obviously I just did.
hell hath no fury...
so why is it such a failure or problem?0 -
Agreed....
One of my best friends is a guy I dated in high school. The 'romance' was over 20+ years ago. If I gave him the green light today, would he go for it? The "chick" in me says "he wouldn't because he knows what it would do to our friendship". The grown woman in me knows he would. We've talked enough about it that I know what he thinks and just as importantly, he knows what I think. He honestly wants a relationship and would be settling for me because it's convenient and comfortable. Yup, he'd be in it for the sex but by his own admission, he'd want the package deal afterwards. No thanks.
In general, most women who say they want to be "just friends" just aren't sexually attracted to the guy. For many younger women? Yeah, I agree...."dick in a glass jar; break in case of emergency" for fear of being alone. Older and a bit more secure in life? Not something I want or need.believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!0 -
Whizbang wrote:Agreed....
. For many younger women? Yeah, I agree...."dick in a glass jar; break in case of emergency" for fear of being alone. Older and a bit more secure in life? Not something I want or need.
two things to consider (perhaps?)..
You are "breaking the younger guy's glass dick" for a short term fling.. he's not going to stay once he's got you nailed...and there is a timer based upon how long he is going to find you attractive... we all age, yes?
Then you say, well perhaps NOW i want something older, more secure...
But alas.. those Older guys have all gone and hooked up with women 10 years younger than you..!
If you wait on the sidelines too long for the "perfect partner", you may be standing in an empty parking lot after closing time at the bar for the rest of your life..."This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford0 -
ive been friends with a few girls... after we had sex.
there is one girl im good friends with, but we are not attracted to each other at all, so i guess that works0 -
Whizbang wrote:Agreed....
One of my best friends is a guy I dated in high school. The 'romance' was over 20+ years ago. If I gave him the green light today, would he go for it? The "chick" in me says "he wouldn't because he knows what it would do to our friendship". The grown woman in me knows he would. We've talked enough about it that I know what he thinks and just as importantly, he knows what I think. He honestly wants a relationship and would be settling for me because it's convenient and comfortable. Yup, he'd be in it for the sex but by his own admission, he'd want the package deal afterwards. No thanks.
In general, most women who say they want to be "just friends" just aren't sexually attracted to the guy. For many younger women? Yeah, I agree...."dick in a glass jar; break in case of emergency" for fear of being alone. Older and a bit more secure in life? Not something I want or need.
summed it up nicely there. and you're right about your friend. my best friend is a girl that i met/had a brief fling with one summer years ago. our friendship means the world to me, but if i got the go ahead, i know i'd take it and who knows what would happen after? of course, she and i also agreed long ago that if we're both single at the same time, there's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits, hehe.
there's an idea... anyone think it works?0 -
soulsinging wrote:Whizbang wrote:Agreed....
One of my best friends is a guy I dated in high school. The 'romance' was over 20+ years ago. If I gave him the green light today, would he go for it? The "chick" in me says "he wouldn't because he knows what it would do to our friendship". The grown woman in me knows he would. We've talked enough about it that I know what he thinks and just as importantly, he knows what I think. He honestly wants a relationship and would be settling for me because it's convenient and comfortable. Yup, he'd be in it for the sex but by his own admission, he'd want the package deal afterwards. No thanks.
In general, most women who say they want to be "just friends" just aren't sexually attracted to the guy. For many younger women? Yeah, I agree...."dick in a glass jar; break in case of emergency" for fear of being alone. Older and a bit more secure in life? Not something I want or need.
summed it up nicely there. and you're right about your friend. my best friend is a girl that i met/had a brief fling with one summer years ago. our friendship means the world to me, but if i got the go ahead, i know i'd take it and who knows what would happen after? of course, she and i also agreed long ago that if we're both single at the same time, there's nothing wrong with being friends with benefits, hehe.
there's an idea... anyone think it works?
Friends with benefits works if both parties are mature enough to separate their emotions from the act of sex, and are also BOTH happy to have it that way. It won't work if one of the people think there may be some chance of something else emotionally happening even perhaps down the track, because then you are going to end up with hurt feelings and a broken friendship. But if you can separate emotion from sex, which is often hard for women especially, then there is absolutely no reason why it WOULDN"T work.0 -
im mature enough for that..we are ok?stardust1976 wrote:
Friends with benefits works if both parties are mature enough to separate their emotions from the act of sex, and are also BOTH happy to have it that way. It won't work if one of the people think there may be some chance of something else emotionally happening even perhaps down the track, because then you are going to end up with hurt feelings and a broken friendship. But if you can separate emotion from sex, which is often hard for women especially, then there is absolutely no reason why it WOULDN"T work.
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”0 -
MrSmith wrote:ive been friends with a few girls... after we had sex.
might be something to that. maybe i'm close to the best friend i mentioned becos we got that tension outta the way early on
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what alot of guys are afraid to admit is that they have maintained friendships with HOT women simply because they are HOT and the guy thinks he may have a chance if she ever lets her guard down.
I don't have an issue with the men's side of that, there motives are clear to themselves.
The irony is that the woman either think:
1) this guy thinks I'm really smart/ he really enjoys all my stories/ he is really looking out for me, what a friend!
(SAD for her)
or.... and I have seen this alot
2) A HOT girl ( or semi-hot past prime girl) keeps a gaggle of guys around her that have absolutely zero chance at sleeping with her just to keep her ego inflated.
(Sad for them and HER)"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford0 -
locked wrote:what alot of guys are afraid to admit is that they have maintained friendships with HOT women simply because they are HOT and the guy thinks he may have a chance if she ever lets her guard down.
I don't have an issue with the men's side of that, there motives are clear to themselves.
The irony is that the woman either think:
1) this guy thinks I'm really smart/ he really enjoys all my stories/ he is really looking out for me, what a friend!
(SAD for her)
or.... and I have seen this alot
2) A HOT girl ( or semi-hot past prime girl) keeps a gaggle of guys around her that have absolutely zero chance at sleeping with her just to keep her ego inflated.
(Sad for them and HER)
I ***THINK*** Number 2 is VERRRY SPOT ON!!!0 -
i may have to relinquish my crown 0
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"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford0 -
soulsinging wrote:i may have to relinquish my crown yeah u need it.. "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”0
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