News Alert! Guys don't want to be "Just friends"

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  • locked
    locked Boston Posts: 4,048
    If women always knew what men thought, they would never stop slapping us!..
    "This here's a REQUEST!"
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  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    Well, given that I've had several good male friends in the course of my life, I'll take that to mean I'm not "the least bit hot." Thanks for the info.
  • pjhawks
    pjhawks Posts: 12,956
    Lauri wrote:
    Well, given that I've had several good male friends in the course of my life, I'll take that to mean I'm not "the least bit hot." Thanks for the info.

    i never said a guy couldn't be a good friend to a woman - i just said that at some point those good friends of yours have thought about sleeping with you - no doubt they have unless they are gay. i am good friends with some women and i have thought about them, it's just natural for men to do - remember thinking and acting on them are two whole seperate things.
  • Phantom Pain
    Phantom Pain Posts: 9,876
    The Dreaded Friend Zone

    "I could never date you...you're too nice.."

    "I dont want to lose the friendship we have"


    The best one of them all and the nail in the coffin...

    "You're like a brother to me"

    :lol: :wtf: :crazy:
    My drinking team has a hockey problem

    The ONLY thing better than a glass of beer is tea with Miss McGill



    A protuberance of flesh above the waistband of a tight pair of trousers
  • PJGARDEN
    PJGARDEN Posts: 1,484
    locked wrote:
    If women always knew what men thought, they would never stop slapping us!..

    If you only knew what the women were thinking ;)
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    pjhawks wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    Well, given that I've had several good male friends in the course of my life, I'll take that to mean I'm not "the least bit hot." Thanks for the info.

    i never said a guy couldn't be a good friend to a woman - i just said that at some point those good friends of yours have thought about sleeping with you - no doubt they have unless they are gay. i am good friends with some women and i have thought about them, it's just natural for men to do - remember thinking and acting on them are two whole seperate things.

    i dunno, i have female friends i've never thought about that way and it's solely becos they're not attractive to me.
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    pjhawks wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    Well, given that I've had several good male friends in the course of my life, I'll take that to mean I'm not "the least bit hot." Thanks for the info.

    i never said a guy couldn't be a good friend to a woman - i just said that at some point those good friends of yours have thought about sleeping with you - no doubt they have unless they are gay. i am good friends with some women and i have thought about them, it's just natural for men to do - remember thinking and acting on them are two whole seperate things.

    how is that any different than what women think though? When you meet a person of the gender you are attracted to, and you like them enough to be a friend or whatever, of course it crosses your mind at one point or another. But at some point, unless there's some unrequitted love thing going on, both parties decide that they should be friends rather than lovers and that's that unless something changes. I don't really see why this is a guys vs. girls thing or why it's even interesting.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    pjhawks wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    Well, given that I've had several good male friends in the course of my life, I'll take that to mean I'm not "the least bit hot." Thanks for the info.

    i never said a guy couldn't be a good friend to a woman - i just said that at some point those good friends of yours have thought about sleeping with you - no doubt they have unless they are gay. i am good friends with some women and i have thought about them, it's just natural for men to do - remember thinking and acting on them are two whole seperate things.

    how is that any different than what women think though? When you meet a person of the gender you are attracted to, and you like them enough to be a friend or whatever, of course it crosses your mind at one point or another. But at some point, unless there's some unrequitted love thing going on, both parties decide that they should be friends rather than lovers and that's that unless something changes. I don't really see why this is a guys vs. girls thing or why it's even interesting.

    i think the point is that guys don't necessarily decide they should be friends rather than lovers. they just accept that they can't be lovers at the moment and wait and see. or look at it after this decision is made... i'm willing to bet 99% of guys even after deciding to be just friends would jump at the chance for sex if it came up down the line. i bet not nearly as many women would do so and would instead pass for the sake of maintaining the friendship.
  • pjhawks
    pjhawks Posts: 12,956
    Lauri wrote:
    pjhawks wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    Well, given that I've had several good male friends in the course of my life, I'll take that to mean I'm not "the least bit hot." Thanks for the info.

    i never said a guy couldn't be a good friend to a woman - i just said that at some point those good friends of yours have thought about sleeping with you - no doubt they have unless they are gay. i am good friends with some women and i have thought about them, it's just natural for men to do - remember thinking and acting on them are two whole seperate things.

    how is that any different than what women think though? When you meet a person of the gender you are attracted to, and you like them enough to be a friend or whatever, of course it crosses your mind at one point or another. But at some point, unless there's some unrequitted love thing going on, both parties decide that they should be friends rather than lovers and that's that unless something changes. I don't really see why this is a guys vs. girls thing or why it's even interesting.

    i never said it was different. you are going off in different directions with your posts here. on one hand you said you must not be 'hot' since you have guy friends and i was responding to that post - now you admit to the same thoughts that guys have when you meet new guys - no one made it guys vs. girls - the thread was about how guys think of all relatively attractive women as possible sex partners at some point (whether acted upon or not) - that's all. seems to me by your last post that you agree with this.
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think the point is that guys don't necessarily decide they should be friends rather than lovers. they just accept that they can't be lovers at the moment and wait and see. or look at it after this decision is made... i'm willing to bet 99% of guys even after deciding to be just friends would jump at the chance for sex if it came up down the line. i bet not nearly as many women would do so and would instead pass for the sake of maintaining the friendship.

    Well I don't know about every woman in the world, but I don't see anything wrong with seeing if something develops in the future. I do think that if I were good friends with someone, I wouldn't jump into bed with him for a one-time thing or something. But I don't think many of my male friends would necessarily do so either. There are people's feelings to consider, and I don't think men ignore them just because they're men.

    What I don't understand is, why, if these guys are feeling like this they don't make a move in some way. There are times when it's clear a person just isn't into you "that way" but if it's not totally clear, or there's some possibility of a migration, why not do something about it?
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    pjhawks wrote:

    i never said it was different. you are going off in different directions with your posts here. on one hand you said you must not be 'hot' since you have guy friends and i was responding to that post - now you admit to the same thoughts that guys have when you meet new guys - no one made it guys vs. girls - the thread was about how guys think of all relatively attractive women as possible sex partners at some point (whether acted upon or not) - that's all. seems to me by your last post that you agree with this.

    I just don't get what you are talking about. Don't women think of all men who are "relatively attractive" to them as possible sex partners? If the relationship develops into a friendship, then it means there's something about one or both of the parties that the other just doesn't find attractive. I had a close male friend once who was really good-looking, and I liked him a lot as a friend, but there was something about his personality that though I liked as a friend, I found unattractive. I assume that though he liked hanging out with me, he thought there was something unattractive about me too, otherwise our relationship would have taken some sort of other path. I mean that's how it works- if two people meet and they like each other but aren't attracted to each other, they become friends. If one or both likes the other and finds them attractive, something romantic or sexual happens. I just don't get what we are even discussing in this thread.
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think the point is that guys don't necessarily decide they should be friends rather than lovers. they just accept that they can't be lovers at the moment and wait and see. or look at it after this decision is made... i'm willing to bet 99% of guys even after deciding to be just friends would jump at the chance for sex if it came up down the line. i bet not nearly as many women would do so and would instead pass for the sake of maintaining the friendship.

    Good point.
    I had a female friend shoot me down using the 'don't want to ruin our friendship' excuse a while back....all I could think was 'sex is the only chance our friendship has got ' ;)
    I think biting my tongue was the right call.
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    Drowned Out wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think the point is that guys don't necessarily decide they should be friends rather than lovers. they just accept that they can't be lovers at the moment and wait and see. or look at it after this decision is made... i'm willing to bet 99% of guys even after deciding to be just friends would jump at the chance for sex if it came up down the line. i bet not nearly as many women would do so and would instead pass for the sake of maintaining the friendship.

    Good point.
    I had a female friend shoot me down using the 'don't want to ruin our friendship' excuse a while back....all I could think was 'sex is the only chance our friendship has got ' ;)
    I think biting my tongue was the right call.

    well that just means she likes you as a friend but didn't want to sleep with you. If she wanted to sleep with you, she would have. I think it would awesome to know a guy well and think of him as a good friend and then at some point realize there's another kind of chemistry going on. You don't turn that down if it's there. But if you're not sure or you know it's NOT there, then no, you really don't want to get into it, because, as I said, someone's feelings get hurt. You felt something, she didn't. How is it different than anything else? Girls get rejected too.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think the point is that guys don't necessarily decide they should be friends rather than lovers. they just accept that they can't be lovers at the moment and wait and see. or look at it after this decision is made... i'm willing to bet 99% of guys even after deciding to be just friends would jump at the chance for sex if it came up down the line. i bet not nearly as many women would do so and would instead pass for the sake of maintaining the friendship.

    Well I don't know about every woman in the world, but I don't see anything wrong with seeing if something develops in the future. I do think that if I were good friends with someone, I wouldn't jump into bed with him for a one-time thing or something. But I don't think many of my male friends would necessarily do so either. There are people's feelings to consider, and I don't think men ignore them just because they're men.

    What I don't understand is, why, if these guys are feeling like this they don't make a move in some way. There are times when it's clear a person just isn't into you "that way" but if it's not totally clear, or there's some possibility of a migration, why not do something about it?

    i think you're wrong about your male friends and would be surprised how many of them would hop into bed in a situation just like that. not becos they ignore the other feelings, but becos we dont think clearly in those situations and could easily convince ourselves it'd be no big deal.

    as to why not make a move... if you do and she says no, it's super awkward and then you probably lose a friend. better to bid your time, take what you can get, and hope some day she gets drunk and low enough to give it up.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Lauri wrote:
    I mean that's how it works- if two people meet and they like each other but aren't attracted to each other, they become friends. If one or both likes the other and finds them attractive, something romantic or sexual happens.

    hahahaha, god if only this stuff were this simple!
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    edited November 2009
    Lauri wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    soulsinging wrote:

    i think the point is that guys don't necessarily decide they should be friends rather than lovers. they just accept that they can't be lovers at the moment and wait and see. or look at it after this decision is made... i'm willing to bet 99% of guys even after deciding to be just friends would jump at the chance for sex if it came up down the line. i bet not nearly as many women would do so and would instead pass for the sake of maintaining the friendship.

    Good point.
    I had a female friend shoot me down using the 'don't want to ruin our friendship' excuse a while back....all I could think was 'sex is the only chance our friendship has got ' ;)
    I think biting my tongue was the right call.

    well that just means she likes you as a friend but didn't want to sleep with you. If she wanted to sleep with you, she would have. I think it would awesome to know a guy well and think of him as a good friend and then at some point realize there's another kind of chemistry going on. You don't turn that down if it's there. But if you're not sure or you know it's NOT there, then no, you really don't want to get into it, because, as I said, someone's feelings get hurt. You felt something, she didn't. How is it different than anything else? Girls get rejected too.

    how is it diff? the guy would've had the sex and consequences to the friendship be damned, the girl wouldn't becos she wasn't willing to risk hurting the friendship. how is that NOT a different approach?

    you mention it yourself... if you're not sure, girls don't jeopardize the friendship. guys are the opposite... if unsure, fuck her and find out. that's why guys don't make a move in that situation. girls are risk-averse on this front and even asking her could kill your friendship by making it awkward.
    Post edited by soulsinging on
  • Drowned Out
    Drowned Out Posts: 6,056
    Lauri wrote:
    Drowned Out wrote:
    Good point.
    I had a female friend shoot me down using the 'don't want to ruin our friendship' excuse a while back....all I could think was 'sex is the only chance our friendship has got ' ;)
    I think biting my tongue was the right call.

    well that just means she likes you as a friend but didn't want to sleep with you. If she wanted to sleep with you, she would have. I think it would awesome to know a guy well and think of him as a good friend and then at some point realize there's another kind of chemistry going on. You don't turn that down if it's there. But if you're not sure or you know it's NOT there, then no, you really don't want to get into it, because, as I said, someone's feelings get hurt. You felt something, she didn't. How is it different than anything else? Girls get rejected too.

    I know, I was trying to make a funny.
    You know what the kicker is? I went out with her again recently...we got into an argument...during the argument, she told me she had planned to fuck me that night, but I had blown it by arguing. :roll: :roll: Explain THAT shit :lol:....
    My take? she was probably fucking someone else the first time and didn't want to tell me lest I lose interest.
  • dimitrispearljam
    dimitrispearljam Posts: 139,725
    stardust1976 wrote:
    Not necessarily just that - because women generally would like to be friends with guys....speaking for myself...regardless of what a guy wants from the relationship - it's easier to be friends with guys...they're simpler. Girls are bitches...and guys are fairly open usually. If you choose to be friends with a guy, yes, you know he would like to have sex or take things further, but you also know that in all likelihood, he isn't going to act on those desires unless you make the first move giving him an indication that he can. A girl can then have a guy as a friend, knowing what he wants makes it easier to be natural and friendly around him. Girls say stuff they don't mean, they are harder to be friends with....sorry if that doesn't make sense...I just personally find it easier to relate to guys and be friends with them, than women...so that's my take on it. ;)
    100% correct...i have a very good friend we are 18 years best friend with her ,never think of her in another way..last month i go at her house to pick her up to go in a bar..and while waiting in the living room and put some music,she goes out of the shower and pass the hall with her towel to go get dress..shit..was the first time that pass my mine after all this year to have sex with her,,i really feel kind of strange now..my mind is so fucked up with this..
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
  • Lauri
    Lauri Posts: 748
    soulsinging wrote:
    Lauri wrote:
    I mean that's how it works- if two people meet and they like each other but aren't attracted to each other, they become friends. If one or both likes the other and finds them attractive, something romantic or sexual happens.

    hahahaha, god if only this stuff were this simple!

    I don't know, it's always been this simple for me. I'm not saying I haven't had feelings for someone that weren't returned or vice versa, but it's still the basic principle. If it's anymore complicated and people create barriers to friendships or romantic relationships for the sake of drama, it's not worth it. If you like each "that way" date, if you don't, be friends. No biggie.
  • soulsinging
    soulsinging Posts: 13,202
    Drowned Out wrote:
    I know, I was trying to make a funny.
    You know what the kicker is? I went out with her again recently...we got into an argument...during the argument, she told me she had planned to fuck me that night, but I had blown it by arguing. :roll: :roll: Explain THAT shit :lol:....
    My take? she was probably fucking someone else the first time and didn't want to tell me lest I lose interest.

    there's no explaining how batshit crazy most women are ;)

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