lump on your lymph node? updated: it's cancer.

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  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    I just got back from dinner with them. Apparently it's stage 2 cancer, and he's pretty determined to NOT do chemo. :(
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Cinnamon Girl
    Cinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    I just got back from dinner with them. Apparently it's stage 2 cancer, and he's pretty determined to NOT do chemo. :(


    The hardest part may be supporting his choices about treatment.
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Cinnamon Girl wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    I just got back from dinner with them. Apparently it's stage 2 cancer, and he's pretty determined to NOT do chemo. :(


    The hardest part may be supporting his choices about treatment.
    yes, this is going to be hard. The only person I know that denied Chemo was my father-in-law and He died from prostate cancer. :(
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    On a more positive note, I've finally decided on what tattoo to get for my dad :)

    can't wait to draw it up and get it! I'll post it when it's done... I think he'll LOVE IT! :D
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    On a more positive note, I've finally decided on what tattoo to get for my dad :)

    can't wait to draw it up and get it! I'll post it when it's done... I think he'll LOVE IT! :D


    glad you decided on something!! I'm sure he'll love it...and also, i agree with Miggy--supporting a decision that you may not agree with will be hard, but necessary...one step at a time!
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • JP33
    JP33 Posts: 1,348
    Pray to Jesus ...........he will help your father........but you have to have total faith in him to work .....I mean 100 percent faith........please do that ..........Josh
  • kcherub
    kcherub Posts: 961
    Hey...the decision to have chemo (or for me, any treatment at all) is really hard. On the day of my surgery, which was only (hahaha, only) a lumpectomy, I refused to even get out of the car to go in to the hospital. I was scared, but more than that--angry. I know all the things that I was thinking and feeling, but I was only 34, and I have no idea how your Dad is feeling at his age. Did he say "why" he did not want chemo, or did I miss that in a previous post? Hang in there...
    I still want you all to "take care"--I am just damn tired of typing it.

    http://www.youtube.com/user/kcherub#p/a/u/0/N-UQprRqSwo
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    kcherub wrote:
    Hey...the decision to have chemo (or for me, any treatment at all) is really hard. On the day of my surgery, which was only (hahaha, only) a lumpectomy, I refused to even get out of the car to go in to the hospital. I was scared, but more than that--angry. I know all the things that I was thinking and feeling, but I was only 34, and I have no idea how your Dad is feeling at his age. Did he say "why" he did not want chemo, or did I miss that in a previous post? Hang in there...
    Thank you for sharing your experience....

    He hasn't said too much on why exactly he doesn't want it, but I believe it's just that he cannot deal with the thought of both radiation AND chemo right now. He hasn't even fully accepted the radiation idea... And all it entails.... Permanent loss of taste buds, deterioration of his jaw, etc. I know how much of a shock that was for him so I assume the thought of chemo is too much to consider now.

    But then again he's not very open about it all so it could be any reason.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • kcherub
    kcherub Posts: 961
    Are they wanting to do radiation now, and then chemo later? Or, are they wanting to do radiation now since your Dad isn't open to chemo? I know it varies from cancer to cancer, but usually they do not do them at the same time. However, it also depends upon how agressively they want to stop the cancer in it's tracks. I had radiation after chemo, just to "cleanse" the area most likely to recur. I felt that the chemo was more important for ME, as mets elsewhere scare the crap out of me. No one dies from breast cancer contained in the breast, you know? Did I miss a post regarding how it was staged? Stage II in BC is usually due to the size of the tumor, Stage III is a the size of the tumor and lymph node involvement. Like I said, all cancers are different, and I am not an expert on anything other than BC. :) Sorry for all of the questions. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this, but you will get through it!!!
    I still want you all to "take care"--I am just damn tired of typing it.

    http://www.youtube.com/user/kcherub#p/a/u/0/N-UQprRqSwo
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    I had dinner with my dad and he talked about how he doesn't want to do Chemo and how he really doesn't want to do radiation..... also how he doesn't want to be around my mom right now cause she's pushing him to jump into treatment. It was hard to sit there and just listen instead of shaking him and yelling.... DO CHEMO AND RADIATION!!! DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES!!! But i know that's not what he needs... he just needs someone to listen.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mca47
    mca47 Posts: 13,337
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    I had dinner with my dad and he talked about how he doesn't want to do Chemo and how he really doesn't want to do radiation..... also how he doesn't want to be around my mom right now cause she's pushing him to jump into treatment. It was hard to sit there and just listen instead of shaking him and yelling.... DO CHEMO AND RADIATION!!! DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES!!! But i know that's not what he needs... he just needs someone to listen.

    So sorry to hear that.

    I've personally been involved with hundreds of patients who have gone through the exact same thing. You want him to do the right thing and it's frustrating to hear him say those things. Do not get upset with him. Stay positive and tell him you support whatever he decides. You'd be surprised at how much more effective this is than the alternative.
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    mca47 wrote:
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    I had dinner with my dad and he talked about how he doesn't want to do Chemo and how he really doesn't want to do radiation..... also how he doesn't want to be around my mom right now cause she's pushing him to jump into treatment. It was hard to sit there and just listen instead of shaking him and yelling.... DO CHEMO AND RADIATION!!! DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES!!! But i know that's not what he needs... he just needs someone to listen.

    So sorry to hear that.

    I've personally been involved with hundreds of patients who have gone through the exact same thing. You want him to do the right thing and it's frustrating to hear him say those things. Do not get upset with him. Stay positive and tell him you support whatever he decides. You'd be surprised at how much more effective this is than the alternative.
    thank you. All I asked of him was to not rule anything out... to keep an open mind. He agreed, but I'd still rather see him embrace treatment and go at the cancer full force. What can I say... he's stubborn... and he passed it on to me. :roll: :lol:
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Went to dinner with my parents again tonight (after talking to my mom numerous times all day). Seems my dad has decided he no longer wants radiation, and no chemo. He thinks 'alternative routes' will be better and wants time to research them. All the while the Dr.'s are calling my mom begging her to take him and get him started on treatment. She's worn thin and all this has take the wind out of me. At dinner I tried to just bring it up a little but was quickly shot down with anger on his end.

    She looks eaten up inside. He's a mess and has trouble swallowing now, though he swears the all veggie diet is shrinking the tumor.

    She wants him to do all he can and he wants to wake up cured without any 'toxic' approaches..... I want to fix it for them both...but it's driving me insane. I've told then to go to separate support groups and/or a therapist... But they both would rather call me and lay it all out on me. I'm not complaining, just getting worn out and finding it hard to be strong when with them when they call me so much when I'm away from them.

    **sorry sometimes I just need to put all these words out there....

    Oh and a friend told me yesterday that she had a dream I called her in the middle of the night to go to the hospital with me cause my dad was dying. Why tell me that!?
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Cinnamon Girl
    Cinnamon Girl Posts: 1,854
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    Oh and a friend told me yesterday that she had a dream I called her in the middle of the night to go to the hospital with me cause my dad was dying. Why tell me that!?


    Geez...not helping! :evil:
    05-10-06, 08-05-07, 06-14-08 , 08-12-08(EV), 06-11-09(EV), 06-12-09(EV), 08-21-09, 05-10-10, 09-11-11, 09-12-11, 07-16-13, 07-19-13, 10-12-13, 10-21-13, 10-22-13,
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    we're a little closer to convincing my dad to get treatment. He's being laid off on the 1st of the month and we're hoping that since he doesn't need to worry about working while doing radiation that he'll reconsider it.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Fifthelement
    Fifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,965
    How is he feeling lately Brandi? How about yourself and your mother? Thinking about you and your family and sending good vibes your way :)
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    This week will be my Dad's last week of work, he's laid off on Oct. 1st. On Oct. 13th he has an appointment with a homeopathic doctor. My mom and I are just hoping this doctor says something he likes and that he'll finally start on some kind of treatment. It's been 7 months since he's been diagnosed but he's been so stubborn about doing any sort of treatment... it's so frustrating to my mom and me but we're trying to be supportive to his decisions.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Heather Evers
    Heather Evers Posts: 168
    My thoughts are with u & your family. Hope your dad gets better really soon!!!
    If I had known then...what I know now...

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  • g under p
    g under p Surfing The far side of THE Sombrero Galaxy Posts: 18,237
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    This week will be my Dad's last week of work, he's laid off on Oct. 1st. On Oct. 13th he has an appointment with a homeopathic doctor. My mom and I are just hoping this doctor says something he likes and that he'll finally start on some kind of treatment. It's been 7 months since he's been diagnosed but he's been so stubborn about doing any sort of treatment... it's so frustrating to my mom and me but we're trying to be supportive to his decisions.

    I wish for you and your family all the best it's very difficult what you're going through, stay strong. My sis had chemo and radiation and is now a 5 year cancer survivor, treatment will make difference. I hope he'll accept some sort of treatment soon.

    Peace
    *We CAN bomb the World to pieces, but we CAN'T bomb it into PEACE*...Michael Franti

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  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Monday, Febuary 22nd my Dad starts chemo and radiation.... FINALLY HE AGREED TO IT!!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"

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