why I'll never feel comfortable with church...

CHANGEinWAVES
CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
edited April 2009 in All Encompassing Trip
My ex husband was a born again christian when we met.... I began going to church with him and we made a lot of friends there. In time we separated from the church (I believe it was a safety blanket for him during his fathers sickness and death) and these friends.

Just recently (through facebook..hehe) I've come in contact with one of those friends. It was my surprise to hear that him and his wife are separated as well, we were married the same time though, they have 2 children. She left him, had a boyfriend and then came back again. He proceeded to take the churches advice and forgive her and try again.

Now she has left him again, and left the children as well. She's starting to spend some time with the kids, but he has full custody (she has other mental issues). Well since she's left again and caused not only him, but his children this kind of pain of leaving and coming back on whims... He wants a divorce.

He's talked to the pastor (the same one who married my husband and me) and he basically told him that if he proceeds with the divorce HE'S wrong and HE'S damaging their family!!!!! WTF!
"I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
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Comments

  • mfc2006
    mfc2006 HTOWN Posts: 37,491
    wow. that's a bit messed up. so the pastor said that it was his fault? there's no way that i could even begin to see the logic in that.
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  • know1
    know1 Posts: 6,801
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    My ex husband was a born again christian when we met.... I began going to church with him and we made a lot of friends there. In time we separated from the church (I believe it was a safety blanket for him during his fathers sickness and death) and these friends.

    Just recently (through facebook..hehe) I've come in contact with one of those friends. It was my surprise to hear that him and his wife are separated as well, we were married the same time though, they have 2 children. She left him, had a boyfriend and then came back again. He proceeded to take the churches advice and forgive her and try again.

    Now she has left him again, and left the children as well. She's starting to spend some time with the kids, but he has full custody (she has other mental issues). Well since she's left again and caused not only him, but his children this kind of pain of leaving and coming back on whims... He wants a divorce.

    He's talked to the pastor (the same one who married my husband and me) and he basically told him that if he proceeds with the divorce HE'S wrong and HE'S damaging their family!!!!! WTF!

    It's kind of a generalization to equate one pastors advice to all churches, but whatever.

    Of course, marriage is supposed to be until "death do you part" so it kind of follows to advise people to try and follow what they vowed.
    The only people we should try to get even with...
    ...are those who've helped us.

    Right 'round the corner could be bigger than ourselves.
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,502
    HMMM , Forgiveness only goes so far , in my book. Fool me once SHAME on you , Fool me twice , contact my lawyer!
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  • milarso
    milarso Posts: 1,280
    Marriage, in my opinion, is an outdated ritual, and (also my opinion) a commitment most people are never fully ready to make. I realize that about myself.
    That being said, if you choose to enter the bonds of marriage, especially if it is presided over in a church, you make a vow to stay with that person forever. No matter what.
    In many religions, churches and pastors (or priests or whatever) look at that commitment as being unbreakable. I don't know your friends situation, and I'm not judging him. I think he should do what is best for him, regardless of what anybody says.
    But I don't think the church is the source of his problems.
    But as far as being comfortable with church, I think they are outdated too.
    But that's just me :D
    "The dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' her easy for all us sinners."
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    I've had my share of crappy church-things...I've tried numerous churches and have decided that church isn't for me...if I want to pray to God or Gods, I will. He/she/they know and are listening :-)

    best example: when I was 16, my youth leader told me I was going to hell because i had a boyfriend. it was awful.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • Indian Summer
    Indian Summer Posts: 2,296
    This is yet another reason why i believe it's okay to have your own personal relationship with god, and not attend church. I gave up on church 10+ years ago. It's not about where or how often you attend church, it's how you choose to live your life.
    "It's all happening"
  • CreedDisease
    CreedDisease Posts: 241
    There are so many reasons to not feel comfortable with church.... The worst thing that could happen to God is religion. I went to a catholic funeral recently (I was raised catholic, but hadn't been in years)... The ritualistic fashion in which the whole thing was conducted freaked me out.. The stand up, sit down, say this, reapeat that, chant, sing, hail mary's, eat the body of christ, drink his blood....wtf? I was waiting for a virgin or a goat to be sacrificed...Could you imagine the press that the Catholic church would get if it were created, say, in this decade? Anyway, this guy should think for himself, and do what is clearly right in this case. If he believes in God, he should try communicating with him directly, and cut out the middle man. Humans aren't perfect.
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    CreedDisease wrote:
    There are so many reasons to not feel comfortable with church.... The worst thing that could happen to God is religion. I went to a catholic funeral recently (I was raised catholic, but hadn't been in years)... The ritualistic fashion in which the whole thing was conducted freaked me out.. The stand up, sit down, say this, reapeat that, chant, sing, hail mary's, eat the body of christ, drink his blood....wtf? I was waiting for a virgin or a goat to be sacrificed...Could you imagine the press that the Catholic church would get if it were created, say, in this decade? Anyway, this guy should think for himself, and do what is clearly right in this case. If he believes in God, he should try communicating with him directly, and cut out the middle man. Humans aren't perfect.


    I agree with the whole "ritualistic fashion"--it is kind of freaky...i never felt quite right with all of that stuff.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • arq
    arq Posts: 8,101
    Well church was my safety blanket too, but since the beginning I was couldn't believe the things the pastor said, and all the crazy Christian subculture, really it's another world and a very weird one; I saw a lot of kids out of gangs and troubles thanks to the church, people living better and more happy, but the church is not for everyone, I tried and didn't work for me, I became an skeptic 24/7 and now I'm very happy agnostic addicted to science and humanism.
    "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it"
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
  • pearljgirl2010
    pearljgirl2010 Shillington, PA/Tuckerton, NJ Posts: 3,428
    Indian Summer wrote:
    This is yet another reason why i believe it's okay to have your own personal relationship with god, and not attend church. I gave up on church 10+ years ago. It's not about where or how often you attend church, it's how you choose to live your life.


    I think you're right...i know so many people who go to church "religiously" yet are not good people...I never got that.
    Need a tour Travel Agent??? Pick me :-)

    Whatever you are, be a good one --Lincoln
  • arq
    arq Posts: 8,101
    Plus a lot of church goers are just self*righteous people only good for critique and judge the rest of the people who doesn't think like them, they to talk more about hell than the golden rule.
    "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it"
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,502
    pearljgirl2010 wrote:
    Indian Summer wrote:
    This is yet another reason why i believe it's okay to have your own personal relationship with god, and not attend church. I gave up on church 10+ years ago. It's not about where or how often you attend church, it's how you choose to live your life.


    I think you're right...i know so many people who go to church "religiously" yet are not good people...I never got that.
    sinners one and all.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,502
    here's my logic on "The Church" Set up and ran by humans. Humans are falable and sinful. what does that say about church?
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • tvismyfriend
    tvismyfriend Posts: 2,118
    Church is a scam. They won't let me believe in evolution, but they expect me to believe that every living human is related to two white people. Where did all the African and Asian people come from?
  • arq
    arq Posts: 8,101
    mickeyrat wrote:
    here's my logic on "The Church" Set up and ran by humans. Humans are falable and sinful. what does that say about church?

    Amen brother!
    "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it"
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

    Why not (V) (°,,,,°) (V) ?
  • milarso
    milarso Posts: 1,280
    tvismyfriend wrote:
    Church is a scam. They won't let me believe in evolution, but they expect me to believe that every living human is related to two white people. Where did all the African and Asian people come from?

    Churches, as a small, individual groups, can do a lot of good for their communities.
    I don't think any church, regardless of what it teaches, is going to keep you from believing in anything you want to...
    "The dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' her easy for all us sinners."
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,502
    arq wrote:
    mickeyrat wrote:
    here's my logic on "The Church" Set up and ran by humans. Humans are falable and sinful. what does that say about church?

    Amen brother!
    And further , the bible , as we know was edited , and other "gospels" were left out by those in power in rome.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • Thoughts_Arrive
    Thoughts_Arrive Melbourne, Australia Posts: 15,165
    When I was a kid and had to do as told I had to go with my parents every Sunday.
    Now I only go on Christmas and Easter to ''keep the peace in the family''.
    And I just stand/sit there wondering what the hell am I doing here?
    Sometimes I try not to laugh at how silly it all is especially when the people at church sin outside.
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • DinghyDog
    DinghyDog Posts: 587
    edited November 2012
    -
    Post edited by DinghyDog on
  • dunkman
    dunkman Posts: 19,646
    know1 wrote:

    Of course, marriage is supposed to be until "death do you part" so it kind of follows to advise people to try and follow what they vowed.

    is supposed to be? who handed out that rule? is that a church rule made up by a mere mortal man... or is it one of gods?

    and people can write their own vows now... perhaps 'death do you part' wasnt even mentioned? it most likely was... but you never know... and its an archaic vow anyway... Henry the VIII used it a few times.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.

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