What's the point of getting married these days?

Kushikushun wrote:

I am getting married after being together for nearly 9 years. We have been living together for 8 years and are pretty darn sure we are the ones for eachother. I dont feel socially obliged, it is not because of the legal stuff, it is not because of kids.

It just feels great to celebrate our bond in this manner! I dont think just throwing a party would feel the same. Maybe for me it is a ritual that is happy and positive and strong. So much love going round from family and friends too...it just feels special.

And we have had loads of fun organizing stuff already. We are going to have an incredible week with friends and family.

It doesnt bring us closer together bc we couldnt be closer than we are already, but it just feels warm and fuzzy. I love to be his wife and he my man. Being family, sharing a name...all that.

It is not that I think this will protect our relationship forever, but it feels good right now. Very good

You could also ask yourself why NOT marry the one you love?

And if your partner wants to get married and you dont care about it, why not do it for the one you love and are sure you will always love anyways?
I have a friend who wants to get married, but her bf doesnt bc he doesnt believe in marriage. Well then, if you dont care about marriage but your partner does why not get married than? If you love the other, why not?

FANTASTIC post.


i also agree with all of Get_Right's posts as well.


and this:

EvilMerlin wrote:

I don't think that'd work though, cause then that's just endless circle of why not's.

There's less of a chance of harm by not getting married, so why doesn't she just not get married because that's his view?

I think that's just the lazy excuse. Of course there's gotta be more to it. Sometimes there's something where one person shouldn't expect a sacrifice from the other.

soooooooooo not true! i am currently watching my bro-in-law and his long time GF going thru the process of splitting, and actually, i think it's "harder" b/c they own soooo much together, but not married...so no real *set* way it must be done, etc...so he is tip-toeing around it, etc. it's really brutal.


with marriage...and divorce...there are legal*set* pluses and minuses to work out....and presubscribed things one can do to legally protect themselves, or not, etc.


as with most things.......why get married? b/c you WANT to. it's simply a CHOICE. it has as much *meaning* as one applies to it. if one doesn't have much belief in it, then i guess it won't mean much to them. for others, it means soooo much.


for me, celebrating 16 years of marriage next month, it means a LOT. a whole lot. for my husband as well. we have gone thru some serious trials and tribulations, as most long term couples do....married or not i guess......but for US, being married just seems to be a *stronger* bond. it's one of those things that to those who believe so, it *just is.*


i *believe* in marriage, always have...probably always will. to ME, it is the highest level of commitment 2 people can make to each other. i think of it as a completely mental/spiritual bond...and a legal one...and i LIKE that. i am not religious...but somehow, any religiousity (is that a word?) i may have...definitely applies to the bond of marriage. i like being married...and i think the bond of our marriage also solidifies and makes even stronger the bond of our relationship, period. how....it just does.


i am all for everyone making their own individual choices....and i fully appreciate people who do NOT want to marry, not want to have children (my husband and i are in that category) want to live their lives as they see fit. i am not saying marriage is *better*...except to say it is better for ME. i cannot imagine living with someone long-term w/o being married. i've never actually lived with anyone outside of marriage...it's simply not a choice i would make. both my sisters have, a few times each...both have since married...one multiple times ......so whateva!


another long-winded post brought to you by decides2dream.

if someone is fool enough to ask me to marry them then i am fool enough to actually do it.

There is no point

hey everybody. haven't had time to read everything. oh, there's no reason to get married.....ever. okay take care. gotta go. my wife's coming.

noisy mind wrote:

and i also see how the mind of women work. the MORE you're talking about wanting is our free pass OUT. got it. thanks.

maybe i've had too much wine already ....but i am not sure what you're saying?



and btw - don't ever take what *I* say as representative of what ALL women want or how we all think. it just don't work that way. we're ALL individuals. also, quite honestly...while i may seem a bit 'traditional' in that i value marriage so highly...that's about where it ends. so yes, i really doubt most women think like me. vive la differance!


hmmm...must be the wine.......but what are you saying, you give sex freely? is that what you think i mean by more? or oral? ummm...yea, know that. hahaha. none of the above is what i refer to as 'more'...the more is far more intangible...indescribable...in my first post i simply referred to it as *it just is*....b/c i cannot find words for it. it is a level of commitment beyond all else. to ME. it. just. IS.

It's the dress.

EvilMerlin wrote:

Now that's a refreshing story to hear. Good for both of you.

I'm against having kids as well, for myself. Maybe she just thought if I got married that'd change my mind somehow?

this was the post that stopped me on the 2nd page of the thread. A generalization but *a lot* of younger women get into relationships and marriage to change a guy. Similar reasons as to why girls will date bad boys. Yup, it's exciting but even more exciting if you can tame him into a well behaved husband.

I got married for all the societal pressure reasons, I was 25. Church, reception, honeymoon. Even attempted to start a family that I came to realize I didn't want (a blessing in disguise that we failed at that part) and admitting that to myself was the hardest thing I ever did. I had to wrestle and overcome that not wanting children is perfectly normal; not abnormal as I believed my friends, family, society in general, would think of me.

But I do think many people get married and have children because "that's what you're supposed to do and if you don't, you don't fit in". Many do it because they're afraid to be alone. I applaud all who are married/long term relationship and went into it knowing the work it would take to make it a success, with or without kids. I may joke around when people say they're getting married "poor bastards " but those who are successfully married or in a long term relationship, you are blessed (by what? I have no idea since I'm not religious).

Regardless, I am happily single, completely at ease with myself and where I am in my life. If I met the right guy and I wanted to spend the rest of my days with him? That would be great....but I wouldn't get married again. I am far too independent to be tied to someone like that again.

EvilMerlin wrote:

First I'll just start by saying this isn't a knock against anyone who is. I'm just wondering what people's reasons are for getting married in today's less traditional age. Congrats to all of you who are married, and I'm happy for you as long as you're happy. However, I'm just a normal, 25 year old guy that's not religious and don't have much tradition in me as far as those good ole days, get married, go to church on sunday, have babies, etc etc. A lot of my friends that I know, that are my age, are basically the same in that aspect...yeeeeeet they still seem rushed to want to get married one day soon and start a family.

So my question is, why does marraige have to come into play?

It wouldn't show my love anymore. If I'm with someone 5+ years, the day I get married doesn't make me love someone more. I've been with her that long, I love her with all I've got already.

It doesn't change anything as far as living conditions...I'll already be living with them. (I don't think you should wait to move in until you're married. How do you know you can marry them if you haven't lived with them first?)

The wedding? Why not just have a kick ass party where you and your other take up 10 minutes to bore everyone really quick, thank them for getting together with you and being there, talk about your times really quick, how you love each other and then move on and just freakin party with everyone.

A honeymoon? Why can't you just take the vacation anyway?

Kids? You can still have those after a long period of time if you're both ready...

Splitting up? You can leave the other person without going through a sloppy court decided divorce where you're giving another person money to argue your case, when you could have just split up and gone your separate way. Sure it's not THAT easy, but it's still easier.

Okay, this is long enough, I'm sure you get my gist, I'm just wanting to start a discussion.

My upbringing? I have a mom and dad who stayed married, and a sister who is married and has three kids. So it's not like I was brought up to hate marraige. Everyone around me believes in it...I just don't see it.

So enlighten me.

urbanhippie wrote:

I'm not saying that you can't get that level of commitment without marriage, but it seems to me that marriage is just putting your money where your mouth is and saying 'We can do this together'.

I like that and I agree with it.....but I'm just not a gambling kind of woman.

I said I applaud those who have the successful marriages knowing the work it takes. I applaud you, my friend, for doing all the two of you could to make a go of it, even though it didn't work.