Never, ever go on chatrooms...

<jonpascual> heya! hows u?

<krazyamy> I'm doing "good" and feeling "fine"! You?

<jonpascual> yeeepe

<jonpascual> same here!

<jonpascual> just waiting for such a great person!!

<krazyamy> Hooray! I'm an excellent person!

<krazyamy> So, Jonpa: do you know much about computers?

<jonpascual> well.... not really but it depends on the task

<krazyamy> I've been having problems with my PC all night, Jonpa. It's
really puzzling my brain.

<krazyamy> It's not so much a technical issue... at least I don't think it is.

<jonpascual> what's that about?

<krazyamy> Well... about three hours ago, I was drinking some raspberry "Snaps". Have you ever had one?

<jonpascual> with strongbow???

<krazyamy> No... you must be thinking of something different. Raspberry snaps are something Damien invented about a week ago.

<jonpascual> ohh, then i dunno

<krazyamy> Basically, you mix one part water with two parts raspberry juice, and mix that with some "fun snaps". Then you throw it all at the wall, and lick the wallpaper clean.

<jonpascual> is it tasty?? that sounds great but i dont like licking walls

<krazyamy> It's excellent! Eventually, the wallpaper starts roughing up your tongue, and it feels like you've got a monkey's finger flailing around in your mouth, but apart from that, it's great!

<jonpascual> lol... and then... am i allowed to do summat else with my tongue?? lol

<krazyamy> I guess you could ACTUALLY lick a monnkey's finger. But why would you want to do that, Brian?

<krazyamy> Anyways: needless to say, the "Snaps" erupted all over my PC tonight. Ever since, my computer's been making a strange hissing noise, and exuding a strange blue noxious gas.

<jonpascual> i'm not Brian....

<jonpascual> lol, thought it was all over ur body

<jonpascual> lol

<jonpascual> kidding hun

<krazyamy> Whaaaaaa???!?

<jonpascual> lol, leave it

<jonpascual> just kidding, honestly

<jonpascual> unless u want me to go throuh it

<krazyamy> I really don't know what you're talking about, Jason. Unless you think you dragging your tongue all over my ailing "PC-o-thing" will have some sort of soothing effect on its angry, angry buzzing.

<jonpascual> lol

<jonpascual> everything is fine!!

<krazyamy> With your strange, monkey-finger-esque tongue, or with my computer?

<jonpascual> with your body, maybe

<krazyamy> Was there something wrong with my body?!?

<krazyamy> Are you a doctor?

<jonpascual> lol, just checking.. i can check..

<krazyamy> Can you? Please: where are you?

<jonpascual> in spain

<krazyamy> Well, that's never going to work! I'm all the way over here in Ireland!

<jonpascual> going to work? what should be going to work?? let me know and after that, we'll decide

<krazyamy> How could you possibly even do a vague diagnosis from one.. two... as many as three hundred miles away!

<jonpascual> intuition..

<jonpascual> dunno

<jonpascual> depends on what u wanna hear ;-)

<krazyamy> Okay! That sounds like a laugh! What's wrong with me, guy?

<jonpascual> uhmm.. u miss me?

<jonpascual> i reckon!

<krazyamy> I don't even know you... I think it's more likely to be some sort of kidney infection from eating all those "Snaps".

<jonpascual> nah, never a kidney one

<jonpascual> just some luv one

<krazyamy> I have a love infection? That sounds rude and disgusting.
<jonpascual> shit

<krazyamy> Please... please can we change the subject back to my broken PC?

<jonpascual> okey dokey

<krazyamy> What do you think I should do to fix it? It's making a strange hooting noise now, at regular intervals. A kind of "clsssppth-Whooo! clsssppth-Whooo! clsssppth-Whooo!" It's very distracting.

<jonpascual> ur pc or just the sorftware?

<krazyamy> It's the PC itself - it's covered in raspberry juices and Snaps.

<jonpascual> hell!!!

<krazyamy> Damien's going to kill me if he finds out I busted his computer... What should I do?

<jonpascual> switch it off and open the window!

<krazyamy> But then you won't be able to tell me what to do?!?!?!

<jonpascual> after that, take my private plane, cum here and kiss mee!!

<jonpascual> lol

<krazyamy> How... you...

<jonpascual> swicht it off

<jonpascual> honestly

<krazyamy> Are you making light of my problem?

<jonpascual> and let it fry

<jonpascual> no

<jonpascual> dry *

<krazyamy> I think turning it off might just break it more... the hooting noise is distorting sligtly whenever I move my finger close to the power button.

<jonpascual> hm.. my opinion concerning liquids is to switch it off and open the window to let it dry

<krazyamy> The noxious gas isn't even that bad in small doses... I just think Damien would be far happier if his PC wasn't swamped in what is potentially a toxic miasma of snaps and gases.

<jonpascual> u kidding me??

<krazyamy> ATTENTION JONPA: the noise has changed once more.

<krazyamy> It's now... singing!?!?!

<jonpascual> i'm singing in the rain..

<jonpascual> and u're pulling my leeeeg

<krazyamy> I'm not! This is possibly the second most scary thing to ever happen me, closely following the time my mother attacked me with a greased-up shovel while wearing a clown suit. And you're making fun of me.

<jonpascual> nop but you sound like that!!!

<krazyamy> I sound like what?

<jonpascual> however... make the most of what i said

<krazyamy> I can't even hear myself over the mysterious strains of my computer.

<jonpascual> switch it off

<krazyamy> I can't, Jimmy - everytime I move my finger closer to the power button, the singing gets... angry.

<krazyamy> I can't really explain it.

<jonpascual> fuck..told u to swtich off the pc

<krazyamy> And I told you, I can't, without it inexplicably getting mad at me.

<jonpascual> well.... what are you going to do with ur pc?

<krazyamy> I really don't know... Right now, it's singing showtunes at me, and showering me in a blue gas.... but it seems safe enough to keep talking.

<krazyamy> Jonpa?

<jonpascual> yes??

<krazyamy> Has your PC ever threatened to "get" you?

<jonpascual> no

<krazyamy> Would it worry you if it suddenly did so?

<jonpascual> the waht?

<krazyamy> Specifically, if it threatened to gut you - but get this: it speaks in the deep, pleasing tones of Patrick Stewart.

<jonpascual> not really

<jonpascual> go ahead

<krazyamy> Oh, okay! I was worried that my PC was going to get/gut me!

<jonpascual> what a relief

<krazyamy> Sir?

<krazyamy> Tell me a joke, please.

<jonpascual> yes?

<jonpascual> madam?

<jonpascual> ok..

<jonpascual> d you know what is a deer with no eyes???

<krazyamy> Blind Beast 47?

<jonpascual> no! no idea!!!

<krazyamy> Stag-mastism?

<krazyamy> Haha!

<jonpascual> lol

<jonpascual> do you know why the tricycle made it up to the hill, and, not the bycicle??

<krazyamy> That's not very funny - for all you know, I could run a sanctuary for blind deer that have very little time left. You could have just cussed-me-up real bad.

<jonpascual> cuz the bcicycle was two tired

<krazyamy> Haha! I get it! The bicycle has two wheels!

<jonpascual> fuck, are you so bloody analytic????

<jonpascual> im not english at all, can't spell good jokes

<krazyamy> And so the tricycle had too many wheels - it was too heavy to make it up the hill!

<jonpascual> dont make fun of me

<jonpascual> lol

<jonpascual> u got it

<jonpascual> me too

<krazyamy> I'm not making fun of you - that was an excellent joke!

<jonpascual> uff, great

<jonpascual> but no need to explain it

<jonpascual> what are you doing right now at almost 6am?

<krazyamy> Damien always tries to explain his jokes to me.

<jonpascual> who is Damien?

<krazyamy> The problem is, his jokes don't necessarily have punchlines.

<krazyamy> Damien's my friend.

<krazyamy> Do you want an example of one of Damien's jokes?

<jonpascual> your friend or bf??

<jonpascual> yup!

<krazyamy> He's just a friend. I couldn't date him - he's a violent "blower-offer"!

<krazyamy> Anyway: JOKE #32

<krazyamy> Question: Why do dogs do that?

<jonpascual> do what??

<krazyamy> Answer: Because they're bark-stons!

<jonpascual> why couldnt u date him? cuz of me? lol

<jonpascual> dont ge tit

<krazyamy> That's what I said! He says it's a new kind of joke: the kind that isn't funny, but is in fact, a rather bland play on words.

<jonpascual> dont get it either

<krazyamy> I told him he should work on his punchlines, but he just sort of waved his fist threateningly, and muttered something about "punching my line". Then he went off and jumped in a pool.

<jonpascual> u are a rare breed

<krazyamy> Thank you!!!!!!!?

<krazyamy> Jonpa? Can I tell you a secret?

<jonpascual> yes

<jonpascual> u can

<krazyamy> Okay, here's the secret:

<krazyamy> I love you, Jonpa.

<jonpascual> lol

<jonpascual> a

<jonpascual> ta

<jonpascual> same here

<krazyamy> I think you're the most special person I've ever talked to. And I've talked to as many as three people!

<jonpascual> three??

<krazyamy> Yes: one, two, three!

<jonpascual> piss off, honestly

<krazyamy> *gasp* Why are you so mean?

<krazyamy> I just told you I loved you! And you said you loved me!

<jonpascual> well... that's fine, seriously

<jonpascual> but we've met just right now

<krazyamy> Why do you toy with my emotions, Tommy?

<jonpascual> u in ireland

<jonpascual> me in spain

<krazyamy> You're...

<jonpascual> everytime u call me differently

<krazyamy> You're right. I'm sorry.

<jonpascual> nw

<krazyamy> It's just... Ever since my dad moved back in, I've been all "mensane in the stim-brain!"

<jonpascual> what??

<krazyamy> My father - he's somewhat unhinged. Tell me: do you ever have parties in your house?

<jonpascual> nop

<krazyamy> You never have fiestas?

<jonpascual> never unless my parents are on holiday

<jonpascual> i do!

<jonpascual> but very soft stuff

<jonpascual> i know how they end up

<krazyamy> Well, when you have the parties, does your father ever run in, straddling a small porcine statue, waving a cowboy hat around his head, wearing nothing but a stained vest and some Donald Duck socks?

<jonpascual> neer

<jonpascual> that's why i do them

<krazyamy> Well, that's what happened to me when I tried to "do" a party - and let me tell you, it traumatised me, and at least one other person.

<krazyamy> It wouldn't have been so bad, but my father was really drunk on raspberry "Snaps", and did unmentionable things to the statue once his stopped riding it around like a pathetic, porky steed.

<jonpascual> that's not too much

<jonpascual> but you are a bit strange

<krazyamy> I'm strange?!!? I wasn't the one doing unsanitary things to a brass pig.

<jonpascual> lol

<jonpascual> ur funny too

<krazyamy> I'm really not trying to be. It's making me go crazy.

<jonpascual> why?

<krazyamy> And by "it", I specifically mean "my father's habit of mounting pig statues, in every possible meaning of the phrase".

<jonpascual> kewl

<krazyamy> Oh!

<krazyamy> Oh! I must go.

<jonpascual> that's upto u'

<krazyamy> The PC is threatening to steal the contents of my fruit bowl if I don't leave it alone...

<jonpascual> ok girl...

<krazyamy> He keeps saying "Yeah, I'll eat EVERYTHING in the fruit bowl. How'd ya like THEM apples?!?!"

<jonpascual> gettin sick of u....

<jonpascual> that's what they say

<krazyamy> I wouldn't even mind, except it's in the voice of Patrick Stewart, and I rather like his acting roles, and would rather not associate him with a fruit-snatching piece of technology.

<krazyamy> Do you think I should stand up to the PC?

<krazyamy> Or perhaps move the fruit bowl to the other room?

<jonpascual> ur crazy

<krazyamy> The gases... they smell like flowers...

<jonpascual> sure

<jonpascual> same as ur pussy

<krazyamy> Goodbye, Colin! I love you!

<jonpascual> me too, marie anthoniete