Horoscopes

Byrnzie
Byrnzie Posts: 21,037
edited November 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
ARIES
You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.

TAURUS
Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you're bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss.

GEMINI
Your star sign denotes an air of duality in your character. Simply, you're a neurotic schizophrenic. A real fucking weirdo, the type of person who'd kill themself to win a bet.

CANCER
You have a businesslike attitude to life and a knack for making money. You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell a relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.

LEO
The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.

VIRGO
You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually gay and the majority of Virgo women are whores.

LIBRA
You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral.

SCORPIO
You are sharp, a quick thinker and good at puzzles. However these are your only good traits. You screw small animals and love picking your nose. You always have snot on your clothes.

SAGITTARIUS
You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.

CAPRICORN
You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centred cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

AQUARIUS
You are the academic type and will probably end up working in the legal system. This means you are an absolute pervert, at the least a transvestite. Your ideal sexual partner is a Labrador puppy wearing fishnet tights.

PISCES
You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • wolfbear
    wolfbear Posts: 3,965
    Those are funny! :)
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • prism
    prism Posts: 2,440
    woo-hoo...according to this i'm a whore. it's about damn time a horoscope got something right about me! ;):D
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    angels share laughter
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
  • TrixieCat
    TrixieCat Posts: 5,756
    Well, I am Taurus.
    I think that about says it all.
    Except the smelling like pee part.
    :p
    Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
    And I don't feel right when you're gone away
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    "LIBRA
    You are the forgiving type and you don't bear grudges. This makes you an asshole. For your entire life people will make a complete prick out of you. Nobody will go to your funeral."

    Sounds about right :p

    I'll haunt you fuckers though.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • zacman13245
    zacman13245 Posts: 294
    Byrnzie wrote:
    PISCES
    You are the eternal optimist, seeing the best of any situation. You have no grasp of reality and live in a dream world. Most people consider you to be the greatest living moron. You will continually fail. You're a prick.
    LOL, I guess that sums me up.
    I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning

    6/30/2008 - Mansfield, MA.
    5/17/2010 - Boston, MA
    9/3/2011 - East Troy, WI (PJ20)
    9/4/2011 - East Troy, WI (PJ20)
  • Byrnzie
    Byrnzie Posts: 21,037
    SAGITTARIUS
    You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.

    Apart from the incest part, It's not a million miles away from the truth. :p
  • eMMI
    eMMI Posts: 6,262
    Byrnzie wrote:
    ARIES
    You tend to be headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don't give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn't care less. You're the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding.

    nice. :D apart from the wedding thing it's pretty good.
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Byrnzie wrote:
    SAGITTARIUS
    You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.

    Apart from the incest part, It's not a million miles away from the truth. :p
    Something about the sentence "You thrive on incest" is just majestic.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    prism wrote:
    woo-hoo...according to this i'm a whore. it's about damn time a horoscope got something right about me! ;):D
    Me too!! Cheap bastard and a whore ;) can't be any closer to thr truth:p
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 45,606
    LEO
    The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.


    Boy is this true today.at least the first couple of sentences.

    Our economy is what it is and I couldn't find the patience to stay at my job
    any longer. I don't trust or respect my former assistant manager and for the life of me , I am unable to see how I could do what I'm/was paid to do feeling that way.
    .
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • Byrnzie
    Byrnzie Posts: 21,037
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Something about the sentence "You thrive on incest" is just majestic.

    That is pretty special. :D
  • Byrnzie
    Byrnzie Posts: 21,037
    mickeyrat wrote:
    LEO
    The adventurous type, always looking for thrills and willing to try anything. In other words, stupid. You have the IQ of a garden snail and will never amount to anything. Most Leos are living on the welfare.


    Boy is this true today.at least the first couple of sentences.

    Our economy is what it is and I couldn't find the patience to stay at my job
    any longer. I don't trust or respect my former assistant manager and for the life of me , I am unable to see how I could do what I'm/was paid to do feeling that way.
    .

    There's few feelings better in this world than walking out of a job you hate. It's like being born anew.
  • Gossard_Is_God
    Gossard_Is_God Posts: 1,031
    VIRGO
    You like the good things in life and you know how to enjoy them. But you're prone to bullshitting and you're a cheap bastard. Virgo men are usually gay and the majority of Virgo women are whores.


    LOL
    Pearl Jam - London Astoria 20/4/06....One hell of a night :)

    Reading 2006 - WOOOOW!!!!!

    Paris 2006 - Fucking amazing

    Wembley 2007 :D
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 45,606
    Byrnzie wrote:
    There's few feelings better in this world than walking out of a job you hate. It's like being born anew.
    I'm a little mixed right now. Just happened about an hour and a half ago. It wasn't so much the job per se, I don't know yet what I am really feeling.

    As bad as the economy is and more people looking for work I'm not sure yet if this was the right move. Or even the smartest.
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    You're an unscrupulous bastard who would sell a relative's limbs to buy a mobile phone. You are likely to be murdered.



    Now, I have no interest in mobile phones, but otherwise... spot on!
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

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  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    SAGITTARIUS
    You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.


    thrive is a bit of strong word but....


    ;)
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    cutback wrote:
    SAGITTARIUS
    You are the romantic type, soft-hearted and a lover of the arts. You are likely to import Dutch pornography and sex toys. You thrive on incest.


    thrive is a bit of strong word but....


    ;)
    but you dabble, right?
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    but you dabble, right?


    Who doesn't? I mean, if it weren't for incest, would any tourist visit the American South?
    Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer

    Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:

    https://www.createspace.com/3437020

    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696

    http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    but you dabble, right?


    like i said, thrive is a bit heavy handed....more experimentation :eek: :o





    this is getting creepy :eek:
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    cutback wrote:
    like i said, thrive is a bit heavy handed....more experimentation :eek: :o





    this is getting creepy :eek:
    I do hope your relative is attractive. It's just not worth the social stigma otherwise :(

    ;)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"

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