What's the point of getting married these days?

EvilMerlin · May 2008

First I'll just start by saying this isn't a knock against anyone who is. I'm just wondering what people's reasons are for getting married in today's less traditional age. Congrats to all of you who are married, and I'm happy for you as long as you're happy. However, I'm just a normal, 25 year old guy that's not religious and don't have much tradition in me as far as those good ole days, get married, go to church on sunday, have babies, etc etc. A lot of my friends that I know, that are my age, are basically the same in that aspect...yeeeeeet they still seem rushed to want to get married one day soon and start a family.

So my question is, why does marraige have to come into play?

It wouldn't show my love anymore. If I'm with someone 5+ years, the day I get married doesn't make me love someone more. I've been with her that long, I love her with all I've got already.

It doesn't change anything as far as living conditions...I'll already be living with them. (I don't think you should wait to move in until you're married. How do you know you can marry them if you haven't lived with them first?)

The wedding? Why not just have a kick ass party where you and your other take up 10 minutes to bore everyone really quick, thank them for getting together with you and being there, talk about your times really quick, how you love each other and then move on and just freakin party with everyone.

A honeymoon? Why can't you just take the vacation anyway?

Kids? You can still have those after a long period of time if you're both ready...

Splitting up? You can leave the other person without going through a sloppy court decided divorce where you're giving another person money to argue your case, when you could have just split up and gone your separate way. Sure it's not THAT easy, but it's still easier.

Okay, this is long enough, I'm sure you get my gist, I'm just wanting to start a discussion.

My upbringing? I have a mom and dad who stayed married, and a sister who is married and has three kids. So it's not like I was brought up to hate marraige. Everyone around me believes in it...I just don't see it.

So enlighten me.

eyedclaar · May 2008

Well, marriage is the perfect cure for love... So, if you're tired of being love with someone, just marry them.

Travelar · May 2008

The gov't wants you to get married so that they control you. If you have a family to think about, you're less likely to do something foolish in protest.

But seriously, I feel the same way that you do. It's the way that society is moving. We're living longer, and no longer need to be tied down by the time we're 19.

As for your point about splitting up, I think it would be a lot more difficult to split up the stuff. Sure... what's yours is yours, but what you ought jointly can certainly cause issues.

Swan · May 2008

I’ve asked myself that question dozens of times (and I’m married), I’ve never been one for institutions or traditions or any of that.

I was thinking about this the other day and I came to the realization that if my wife and had not gotten married and instead just moved in together (like I wanted to) we wouldn’t be together today; we wouldn’t have our two little girls.

See, after the first month or two of being married and living together we started arguing…a lot. And if we weren’t married I probably would have moved out but being as it was my wife and not just a girlfriend I was living with we worked through it.

EvilMerlin · May 2008

TrAvELAr wrote:

As for your point about splitting up, I think it would be a lot more difficult to split up the stuff. Sure... what's yours is yours, but what you ought jointly can certainly cause issues.

I know what you're saying with that and I knew that'd be brought up. But won't that just be argued in court as well? And then someone will bitch about who doesn't get it and it turns into bitching like 5 year olds about your stuff anyway. So no matter which way it goes, that fight is going to be there. By the end of the day the two will have to grow up, get over it and talk about it and settle it if they want things done. With court, that doesn't necessarily happen anymore since you're paying someone up the ass to get it all for you.

EvilMerlin · May 2008

eyedclaar wrote:

Well, marriage is the perfect cure for love... So, if you're tired of being love with someone, just marry them.

What if you want love back?

norm · May 2008

dude you literally took the words out of my mouth....i honestly don't know why one marries.....excluding religious factors

PJPixie · May 2008

Been there, done that. I'm happily single now. I got married when I was 21 and thought thats the way it was supposed to be. I'm almost 39 and the happiest I've ever been. I'm not against it but I just cant see being in that institution again.

eyedclaar · May 2008

EvilMerlin wrote:

What if you want love back?

Divorce them and start dating them again...

GraySaturday · May 2008

I honestly can't say what the point is.

I'd be the same person if my husband and I were just "together" instead of married.

Nothing at all changed in our lives when we got married.

EvilMerlin · May 2008

eyedclaar wrote:

Divorce them and start dating them again...

So if you're tired of love, why not just skip the marraige part, leave, and when you want love again, go back?

eyedclaar · May 2008

EvilMerlin wrote:

So if you're tired of love, why not just skip the marraige part, leave, and when you want love again, go back?

Works for me. I always encourage the skipping the marriage part...

EvilMerlin · May 2008

GraySaturday wrote:

I honestly can't say what the point is.

I'd be the same person if my husband and I were just "together" instead of married.

Nothing at all changed in our lives when we got married.

Congrats on your marraige. And yeah, I don't have personal experience of getting married. Long term, live in relationship, yes, but not marraige. And everyday I was with her when she'd nag to get married, I thought, "Why? We're just going to live and feel exactly the same the next day anyway." I asked her that once as well...didn't go over to well. She got pissy, said I was a mood killer, and that's the point to take it to the next level. I didn't dare ask what level is left after living with her for 2 1/2 years...I just didn't get it. Plus she said then it opens the door for the possibility of kids, and that was just like, wow, why? Our lives aren't settled, we don't have the money either, yet getting married all of a sudden opens the door for it? I dunno...

PJPixie · May 2008

EvilMerlin wrote:

Congrats on your marraige. And yeah, I don't have personal experience of getting married. Long term, live in relationship, yes, but not marraige. And everyday I was with her when she'd nag to get married, I thought, "Why? We're just going to live and feel exactly the same the next day anyway." I asked her that once as well...didn't go over to well. She got pissy, said I was a mood killer, and that's the point to take it to the next level. I didn't dare ask what level is left after living with her for 2 1/2 years...I just didn't get it. Plus she said then it opens the door for the possibility of kids, and that was just like, wow, why? Our lives aren't settled, we don't have the money either, yet getting married all of a sudden opens the door for it? I dunno...

I think for girls, they're in love with the idea of being in LOVE. It's a very ROMANTIC notion, I think, for some dreamy eyed girls...........REALITY BITES!

Jason P · May 2008

I feel bad for those that keep getting divorced and re-married. It's cyclical.

GraySaturday · May 2008

EvilMerlin wrote:

Congrats on your marraige. And yeah, I don't have personal experience of getting married. Long term, live in relationship, yes, but not marraige. And everyday I was with her when she'd nag to get married, I thought, "Why? We're just going to live and feel exactly the same the next day anyway." I asked her that once as well...didn't go over to well. She got pissy, said I was a mood killer, and that's the point to take it to the next level. I didn't dare ask what level is left after living with her for 2 1/2 years...I just didn't get it. Plus she said then it opens the door for the possibility of kids, and that was just like, wow, why? Our lives aren't settled, we don't have the money either, yet getting married all of a sudden opens the door for it? I dunno...

I guess some people really want children, and view marriage as the first step. My husband and I do not want children, so I'm pretty sure thats why nothing has changed at all. I didn't view it as a step to reach something else. Maybe the reason why I am married in the first place is because I am pretty laid back about it, and didn't feel like it was do or die. I would love my husband just as much if we hadn't gotten married yet.

norm · May 2008

EvilMerlin wrote:

Congrats on your marraige. And yeah, I don't have personal experience of getting married. Long term, live in relationship, yes, but not marraige. And everyday I was with her when she'd nag to get married, I thought, "Why? We're just going to live and feel exactly the same the next day anyway." I asked her that once as well...didn't go over to well. She got pissy, said I was a mood killer, and that's the point to take it to the next level. I didn't dare ask what level is left after living with her for 2 1/2 years...I just didn't get it. Plus she said then it opens the door for the possibility of kids, and that was just like, wow, why? Our lives aren't settled, we don't have the money either, yet getting married all of a sudden opens the door for it? I dunno...

there are levels to love? :rolleyes:

EvilMerlin · May 2008

eyedclaar wrote:

Works for me. I always encourage the skipping the marriage part...

Works for me as well.

Also, for the insecure guys it definitely makes life more interesting trying to win her back. Y'know, when she's met another guy who doesn't play with her emotions, she's happier with him, and they're happy to be together and they treat each other right. Ohhhhhhhhh definitely makes life interesting. Those poor innocent bystander boyfriends that just get blindsided by that and their life goes into a tailspin. I guess marraige would get rid of that...

EvilMerlin · May 2008

GraySaturday wrote:

I guess some people really want children, and view marriage as the first step. My husband and I do not want children, so I'm pretty sure thats why nothing has changed at all. I didn't view it as a step to reach something else. Maybe the reason why I am married in the first place is because I am pretty laid back about it, and didn't feel like it was do or die. I would love my husband just as much if we hadn't gotten married yet.

Now that's a refreshing story to hear. Good for both of you.

I'm against having kids as well, for myself. Maybe she just thought if I got married that'd change my mind somehow?

Spunkie · May 2008

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.

or

First comes love, then comes pain.

Therefore marriage = pain.

What's the point? For me, I'd like the security of growing old with someone I could spoon-feed in a bib, when he's a like a drooling old Anna Nicoleish boyfriend dude. I'd prefer to have children in wedlock, with 2 parents giving love. I'd also like my assets protected with a prenuptial agreement.

EvilMerlin · May 2008

cutback wrote:

there are levels to love? :rolleyes:

LOL, like I said...I didn't even dare ask another question and move on to that part. I stirred it up enough already. Better to just sit quietly and not drag it out.

And I feel a little refreshed that I took the words out of your mouth...like I'm not as crazy anymore...or wait...it's you, maybe that makes me crazier than I thought I was?

What's the point of getting married these days?

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