Clerks 2

All right look, there's only one Return, okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."

civ_eng_girl wrote:

All right look, there's only one Return, okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi."

lmao


Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses.
Elias: You'll have to excuse him, he's not "down" with the trilogy.
Randal Graves: Oh, what the fuck happened to this world? There's only one trilogy, you fucking morons.
Hobbit Lover: You know what, maybe we should start calling your friend Padme, because he loves Manakin Skywalker so much, right?
[in robot voice]
Hobbit Lover: Danger danger, my name is Anakin. My shitty acting is ruining saga.
Elias: [chucking] Yea-Yeah, you're crazy, Jar-Jar.
Randal Graves: Oh, I'm crazy? Those fuckin' hobbit movies were boring as hell. All it was, was a bunch of people walking, three movies of people walking to a fucking volcano.

the wanda sykes scene is the shittt!!!

Randal Graves: Since when did porch monkey suddenly become a racial slur?
Dante Hicks: When ignorant racists started saying it a hundred years ago!
Randal Graves: Oh, bullshit! My grandmother used to call me a porch monkey all the time when I was a kid because I'd sit on the porch and stare at my neighbors!
Dante Hicks: Despite the fact that your grandmother might've used it as a term of endearment for you, it's still a racial slur! It'd be like your grandmother calling you a little kike!
Randal Graves: Oh, it is not. Plus, my grandmother had nothing but the utmost respect for the Jewish community. When I was a kid she told me to always treat the Jewish kids well, or they'd put the sheeny curse on me.
Dante Hicks: What the fuck, man?
Randal Graves: What?
Dante Hicks: Sheeny's a racial slur, too!
Randal Graves: Oh, it is not.
Dante Hicks: Yes, it is!
Randal Graves: She never called any Jews 'sheeny', she just used to say sheeny curse a lot. It was cute!
Dante Hicks: It wasn't cute! It was racist!
Randal Graves: I disagree, man, she was just an old timer, that's the way people talked back then! Didn't mean they were racist... But my grandmother did refer to a broken beer bottle once as a nigger knife... You know, come to think of it, my grandmother was kind of a racist.
Dante Hicks: You think?
Randal Graves: Well, I-I still don't think porch monkey should be considered a racial term. I mean, I've always used it to describe lazy people, not lazy black people! I think if we really tried, we could re-claim porch monkey, and save it.
Dante Hicks: It can't be saved, Randal! The sole purpose for its creation, the only reason it exists in the first place, is to disparage an entire race! And even if it could be saved, you can't save it because you're not black!
Randal Graves: Well listen to you! Telling me I can't do something because of the color of my skin! You're the racist! I'm taking it back, you watch!
[customers enter]
Randal Graves: Hey, what can I get for you, you little porch monkey?
[beat]
Randal Graves: Its cool, I'm taking it back.

Im not the biggest star wars fan..I liked them but at least I didnt fall asleep thru any of them like I did the 1st 20 mins trying to watch those LOTR movies

boring as hell is an understatement in this case

"Did he say 'cock stain'? What the fuck is cock stain?"

Slip Kid wrote:

Randal Graves: You can't get a chick, ya mook. You're too weird and sad.
Elias: [gets angry] I turn down chicks left and right.
Randal Graves: Your chicks *are* your left and right.

that shits too funny!

I think I need to watch this again cause I didnt think I liked it as good as the original clerks, but damn..the lines in this one are off the hook!


another one of my favs:

---

Randal Graves: [about the Go-Karts] It just centers me, alright? Kinda the way j****g off at work centers you.
Dante Hicks: I only did it that one time. And it wasn't to center me.
Randal Graves: Yeah, it was to c*m. Well I dunno about you, but c****g centers me.
Dante Hicks: Then why did we have to leave work so you can ride the Go-Karts to clear you head?
Randal Graves: Well, I don't wanna j***k off in the Mooby's bathroom! What if a customer comes in and my j*****g off gets him all sex nuts and retard strong, and suddenly I'm fighting him off as he tries to jam my d**k in his mouth!
Dante Hicks: The most likeliest of scenarios.

I'm sorry jesus....



Fuck pillowpants! Honk if you love a lot of pussy!


GRANDMA WHAT WAS IT LIKE?!
TO BE ON THAT HOLIDAY SITE!?

smarchee wrote:

I miss my donkey

Jay: That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey.

Slip Kid wrote:

I know I know old movie but damn

Funny as hell

Not as funny as the first one mind you but still pretty funny shit

imo, funnier than the first. and the acting was a hell of a lot better. at least jay didn't sound like he was reading off cue cards in 2.

The first post reminds of a movie at Blockbuster called "Teeth".

I shit you not, it's about a chick who has teeth in her vagina. It's the funniest shit I've ever seen.

http://www.teethmovie.com/