Am I being TOO cautious?

Jeremy1012
Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
edited February 2008 in All Encompassing Trip
I am back home from uni until sunday and have only seen one of my best friends for two brief periods but have been intending to go out for a drink with her. She asked me yesterday if I wanted to go out for a drink tonight and "be the only non-couple in town" which I would be fine with, we're just friends and I have no desire for anything more. Problem is, she has a boyfriend who I know and like and he is working tonight. I know if I was him I would be a bit pissed if I couldn't go out with my girlfriend on Valentine's day and some other guy did, whether or not it's just a friendly drink. I know she's been having a bad week and had planned to try to cheer her up so I feel bad for turning the offer down but I felt like it was the best decision alround really. Neither of us needs her very protective and jealous boyfriend getting the wrong idea.
Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? would any of the guys here be pissed off if you were him? :)
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
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Comments

  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I am back home from uni until sunday and have only seen one of my best friends for two brief periods but have been intending to go out for a drink with her. She asked me yesterday if I wanted to go out for a drink tonight and "be the only non-couple in town" which I would be fine with, we're just friends and I have no desire for anything more. Problem is, she has a boyfriend who I know and like and he is working tonight. I know if I was him I would be a bit pissed if I couldn't go out with my girlfriend on Valentine's day and some other guy did, whether or not it's just a friendly drink. I know she's been having a bad week and had planned to try to cheer her up so I feel bad for turning the offer down but I felt like it was the best decision alround really. Neither of us needs her very protective and jealous boyfriend getting the wrong idea.
    Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? would any of the guys here be pissed off if you were him? :)
    Why don't you ask him how he feels about it?
    Too much room for jealousy to rear it's ugly head, if you ask me, but clear the air with him first and see what he says.
    Although I should add it might not be so bad, seeing as she asked you, but whatever.
  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    I would not do it.

    yes, too much room for jealousy to rear its ugly head.
    9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
    8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
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  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Rygar wrote:
    Why don't you ask him how he feels about it?
    Too much room for jealousy to rear it's ugly head, if you ask me, but clear the air with him first and see what he says.
    Although I should add it might not be so bad, seeing as she asked you, but whatever.
    Because I know for a fact that he would be cool with me, he knows I wouldn't cross the line. He wouldn't be so trusting of her though :o I don't want to cause any problems. Any other day would have been fine, I'll probably meet her tomorrow, it just sucks since she seemed so down last time I saw her but I feel like I have to give it a miss tonight because of what day it is :D
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Because I know for a fact that he would be cool with me, he knows I wouldn't cross the line. He wouldn't be so trusting of her though :o I don't want to cause any problems. Any other day would have been fine, I'll probably meet her tomorrow, it just sucks since she seemed so down last time I saw her but I feel like I have to give it a miss tonight because of what day it is :D
    Why is he dating her if he doesn't trust her?
    I say you pass on tonight, just in case.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    Rygar wrote:
    Why is he dating her if he doesn't trust her?
    I say you pass on tonight, just in case.
    Long, long, complicated story :) You're probably right though. I already told her I couldn't make it, I was just wondering if I was making too much of a deal.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    honestly I would pass too. That's some drama you don't need. If your gut says don't do it there's probably a reason :)
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    GraySaturday wrote:
    honestly I would pass too. That's some drama you don't need. If your gut says don't do it there's probably a reason :)
    True :)
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • harmless_little_f***
    harmless_little_f*** Posts: 8,005
    Mate I think you did the right thing, yep; tell her you'll take her out another time.
    'We're learning songs for baby Jesus' birthday. His mum and dad were Merry and Joseph. He had a bed made of clay and the three kings bought him Gold, Frankenstein and Merv as presents.'

    - the great Sir Leo Harrison
  • redrock
    redrock Posts: 18,341
    I think you may be making a mountain out of a molehill! If he is cool with it, if you know you won't cross the line, if she knows you won't cross that line, all should be well and it could be a nice evening. Who cares if it is valentine's day or not. This evening or another evening is the same.

    But you must do what you are comfortable with.
  • pearljamjen
    pearljamjen Posts: 13,578
    redrock wrote:
    I think you may be making a mountain out of a molehill! If he is cool with it, if you know you won't cross the line, if she knows you won't cross that line, all should be well and it could be a nice evening. Who cares if it is valentine's day or not. This evening or another evening is the same.

    But you must do what you are comfortable with.

    I agree; if it is just two friends going out for drinks, it is just two friends going out for drinks, regardless of gender.

    But if you think for some reason he won't trust his own girlfriend...then I guess that is a situation to stay away from.
  • redrock
    redrock Posts: 18,341
    pearljamjen wrote:
    But if you think for some reason he won't trust his own girlfriend...
    The thing is... boyfriend is cool with OP having a drink with the girlfriend. So I guess he must trust him and her together (even if she may not be that trustworthy with other men).
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    redrock wrote:
    The thing is... boyfriend is cool with OP having a drink with the girlfriend. So I guess he must trust him and her together (even if she may not be that trustworthy with other men).
    Like I say, he's absolutely fine with it normally. The point I am making is, he can't take her out tonight, on valentine's day, because he is working. It's that fact that makes me a bit uncomfortable with it. If he can't go out with his girlfriend on valentine's day, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be thrilled about someone else doing it :o especially since he is of the jealous persuasion. I don't think he'd make a big deal out of it but I do think he'd be a bit pissed.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • pearljamjen
    pearljamjen Posts: 13,578
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    Like I say, he's absolutely fine with it normally. The point I am making is, he can't take her out tonight, on valentine's day, because he is working. It's that fact that makes me a bit uncomfortable with it. If he can't go out with his girlfriend on valentine's day, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be thrilled about someone else doing it :o especially since he is of the jealous persuasion. I don't think he'd make a big deal out of it but I do think he'd be a bit pissed.

    But honestly, it is just another day. And you are just taking a friend out to cheer her up. I don't see the problem. :confused:
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    pearljamjen wrote:
    But honestly, it is just another day. And you are just taking a friend out to cheer her up. I don't see the problem. :confused:
    I dunno... :p I just feel like it would be out of line. I guess it's because I would feel a bit shitty if I had to work on valentine's day if I had a girlfriend, especially if she was having a bad few days. I'd feel like I should be the one doing the cheering up, not one of my friends.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • pearljamjen
    pearljamjen Posts: 13,578
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I dunno... :p I just feel like it would be out of line. I guess it's because I would feel a bit shitty if I had to work on valentine's day if I had a girlfriend, especially if she was having a bad few days. I'd feel like I should be the one doing the cheering up, not one of my friends.

    Lol fair enough.

    But if it were me, I would rather the person I cared about be cheered up (whether it was by me or a friend) rather than sitting at home still feeling down.

    But I can see your gut tells you not to go out tonight. :)
  • inmyrvm
    inmyrvm Posts: 1,039
    women are fucking evil..............
    "Fuck the talkin' let's start rockin" - Eddie Vedder 9-5-00 Pittsburgh
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    friends don't let friends listen to good charlotte
  • _
    _ Posts: 6,657
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I dunno... :p I just feel like it would be out of line. I guess it's because I would feel a bit shitty if I had to work on valentine's day if I had a girlfriend, especially if she was having a bad few days. I'd feel like I should be the one doing the cheering up, not one of my friends.

    I don't think it would be out of line. And if their relationship is such that you can't have a drink with her just because of what day it is, that really sucks for everyone.

    But I do think it's very considerate of you to be concerned about the boyfriend's feelings and to err on the side of caution. I hope the guy knows you're being so thoughtful of him.
  • Jeremy1012
    Jeremy1012 Posts: 7,170
    scb wrote:
    I don't think it would be out of line. And if their relationship is such that you can't have a drink with her just because of what day it is, that really sucks for everyone.

    But I do think it's very considerate of you to be concerned about the boyfriend's feelings and to err on the side of caution. I hope the guy knows you're being so thoughtful of him.
    It's like I've ever had any reason to be cautious or think that I can't hang out with her, her boyfriend has never said anything to me in anger or given me reason to think he's suspicious of me specifically, this is pretty much just me exercising caution, maybe a little too much, because I have been involved in some pretty shit situations between friends before. Two of my best friends are barely speaking to each other which makes things difficult when they both confide in you. I hate getting in the middle of things like that.
    "I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
  • acoustic guy
    acoustic guy Posts: 3,770
    Jeremy1012 wrote:
    I am back home from uni until sunday and have only seen one of my best friends for two brief periods but have been intending to go out for a drink with her. She asked me yesterday if I wanted to go out for a drink tonight and "be the only non-couple in town" which I would be fine with, we're just friends and I have no desire for anything more. Problem is, she has a boyfriend who I know and like and he is working tonight. I know if I was him I would be a bit pissed if I couldn't go out with my girlfriend on Valentine's day and some other guy did, whether or not it's just a friendly drink. I know she's been having a bad week and had planned to try to cheer her up so I feel bad for turning the offer down but I felt like it was the best decision alround really. Neither of us needs her very protective and jealous boyfriend getting the wrong idea.
    Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? would any of the guys here be pissed off if you were him? :)


    I would not want you too. But thats me. Kind of a respect thing. If you question it, its touchy.
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  • Danimal
    Danimal Posts: 2,000
    Bang her.
    "I don't believe in PJ fans but I believe there is something, not too sure what." - Thoughts_Arrive


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