Anyone ever have epiphanies or moments of clarity?

yes, fairly often in varying degrees

It's a beautiful word.

this kind of thing happens to me all the time.
one could say it's common knowledge.

you're intune with your surroundings, feelings, other ppl's emotions.

Yes, the other day I realized that size really does matter. I took me a great many years to figure it out, but I finally came around.



OK...since I'm bored right now, I'm going to just type up an actual realization I had some time ago, which to others might not be very profound, but to me was helpful.

It goes back to the Movie "Dune" starring Kyle McLaughlin and Sting.

There's that scene towards the end when Kyle McLaughlin and Sting are knife fighting.

Kyle gets trapped in an awkward position, and he thinks to himself, "I will bend like a reed in the wind."

So, what he does is lean backwards so that Sting, who is applying all of his pressure, suddenly falls over from the lack of resistance from Kyle. Kyle then proceeds to win.

What I've discovered over the years is that the same logic can apply to conversations.

First off, let me pay lip service to the idea that it's useful to have the ability to be assertive when need be.

But, sometimes the person with whom you're dealing is equally, if not more assertive. Perhaps that person has a certain position of authority, and as a subordinate, it just wouldn't be wise to be too assertive in that case.

That's when I try to "bend like a reed in the wind." That is, when I sense that the other person is trying to apply pressure during a conversation, I will try to defuse the situation by quickly interjecting a statement that represents what the other person is trying to achieve.

That is, when I can sense that the other person's motivation is to enforce something that I might be resisting, I will suddenly stop resiting and on top of that make a statement that clearly makes the other person the winner in this virtual "tug-of-war."

What sometimes ends up happening is that the other person, upon being given the reigns over the conversation, is suddenly without a motivation to keep tugging on the aforementioned reigns.

In other words, the other person's motivation may have been simply to feed on the energy of my resistance, and with the disapperance of my resistance, that person suddenly has no purpose.

Another reason why I think this works is because most people quiver at the actual experience of being in power. And while they may fight for that power at times, once they are given that power, they suddenly are off-put by the pressure of having to suddenly make decisions.

I use this tactic with my manager all of the time, actually. Sometimes I can sense that he is trying to test me. I can sense a point in the conversation when he's about to give me additional work simply because the option is there, and because he's trying to find my limits.

When I sense that, I always make it a habit to then offer to do that additional work no matter how fucked up, useless, redundant, and stupid I think that additional work may be.

Examples are stuff like follow-up meetings with our clients, extended analysis of our projection findings...etc. Basically, shit that we never do unless we're bored.

But, sometimes my boss will actually start to make it sound as though he's beginning to suggest I do some of those things, and that's when I'll say, "I can do this, that, and this if you want me to. It wouldn't be a problem. I'd be more than happy to."

And he almost always goes, "Well, you know what, that's OK. Don't worry about it."

Like a reed in the wind...

Recently I used that tact with my doctor when I was trying to get more opiates out of him. Prescribing opiates always makes him nervous. Every time I ask, he puts up a shitload of resistance.

This last time he started getting on my case about my poor recollection of how often I take my doses and at what strength. My natural reaction was to give him a bunch of excuses such as "I'm too busy to remember" and "It depends on this and that."

Instead of giving him excuses, I gave him control over the conversation. I bended like a reed in the wind. I asked, "Would you like me to maintain a record from now on?"

I put him in a position where he could feel relaxed and confident. By asking him that question, I gave him the impression that while my behavior with prescription opiates is suspicious, my underlying goal is to be subordinate to his wishes.

And, like I mentioned earlier, it's a judgment call. The reason being is that sometimes assertiveness is most useful at gaining leverage in a conversation. And at other times, it is not useful.

I have one at least 2 times a day, sometimes 3. Depending on how many peanuts I've eaten today

sponger wrote:

Yes, the other day I realized that size really does matter. I took me a great many years to figure it out, but I finally came around.



OK...since I'm bored right now, I'm going to just type up an actual realization I had some time ago, which to others might not be very profound, but to me was helpful.

It goes back to the Movie "Dune" starring Kyle McLaughlin and Sting.

There's that scene towards the end when Kyle McLaughlin and Sting are knife fighting.

Kyle gets trapped in an awkward position, and he thinks to himself, "I will bend like a reed in the wind."

So, what he does is lean backwards so that Sting, who is applying all of his pressure, suddenly falls over from the lack of resistance from Kyle. Kyle then proceeds to win.

What I've discovered over the years is that the same logic can apply to conversations.

First off, let me pay lip service to the idea that it's useful to have the ability to be assertive when need be.

But, sometimes the person with whom you're dealing is equally, if not more assertive. Perhaps that person has a certain position of authority, and as a subordinate, it just wouldn't be wise to be too assertive in that case.

That's when I try to "bend like a reed in the wind." That is, when I sense that the other person is trying to apply pressure during a conversation, I will try to defuse the situation by quickly interjecting a statement that represents what the other person is trying to achieve.

That is, when I can sense that the other person's motivation is to enforce something that I might be resisting, I will suddenly stop resiting and on top of that make a statement that clearly makes the other person the winner in this virtual "tug-of-war."

What sometimes ends up happening is that the other person, upon being given the reigns over the conversation, is suddenly without a motivation to keep tugging on the aforementioned reigns.

In other words, the other person's motivation may have been simply to feed on the energy of my resistance, and with the disapperance of my resistance, that person suddenly has no purpose.

Another reason why I think this works is because most people quiver at the actual experience of being in power. And while they may fight for that power at times, once they are given that power, they suddenly are off-put by the pressure of having to suddenly make decisions.

I use this tactic with my manager all of the time, actually. Sometimes I can sense that he is trying to test me. I can sense a point in the conversation when he's about to give me additional work simply because the option is there, and because he's trying to find my limits.

When I sense that, I always make it a habit to then offer to do that additional work no matter how fucked up, useless, redundant, and stupid I think that additional work may be.

Examples are stuff like follow-up meetings with our clients, extended analysis of our projection findings...etc. Basically, shit that we never do unless we're bored.

But, sometimes my boss will actually start to make it sound as though he's beginning to suggest I do some of those things, and that's when I'll say, "I can do this, that, and this if you want me to. It wouldn't be a problem. I'd be more than happy to."

And he almost always goes, "Well, you know what, that's OK. Don't worry about it."

Like a reed in the wind...

Recently I used that tact with my doctor when I was trying to get more opiates out of him. Prescribing opiates always makes him nervous. Every time I ask, he puts up a shitload of resistance.

This last time he started getting on my case about my poor recollection of how often I take my doses and at what strength. My natural reaction was to give him a bunch of excuses such as "I'm too busy to remember" and "It depends on this and that."

Instead of giving him excuses, I gave him control over the conversation. I bended like a reed in the wind. I asked, "Would you like me to maintain a record from now on?"

I put him in a position where he could feel relaxed and confident. By asking him that question, I gave him the impression that while my behavior with prescription opiates is suspicious, my underlying goal is to be subordinate to his wishes.

And, like I mentioned earlier, it's a judgment call. The reason being is that sometimes assertiveness is most useful at gaining leverage in a conversation. And at other times, it is not useful.

Like karate....you use their weight to your advantage. I do the same thing. Except for the opiates part. Hahhah.

Today, while on acid, I realised that all matter is just energy condensed to a slow vabration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Yes...usually they happen while I'm dreaming. Most of my dreams are about current life situations that I'm dealing with...and I remember a lot of my dreams (at least a couple a night). I'll be worrying or thinking about something for a while...and then in my dream I'll find the answer. There had been a situation I had been really struggling with for a while...and one night I woke up like a flash from a loud noise outside...and in an instant I knew what I needed to do.

Only when watching George and Mildred.