What's the point of getting married these days?

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  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    Now that's a refreshing story to hear. Good for both of you.

    I'm against having kids as well, for myself. Maybe she just thought if I got married that'd change my mind somehow?

    I'd be willing to put money on that being the case. Its sad to see so many women that really want to have kids, and yet they are with guys who don't want to have them. Why would you enter a relationship wanting to change the person's mind? If I wanted children, I would be with someone who was TOTALLY into it because then they would play a very active role in parenting as well. Its such a irony because if you force someone into having a child when they don't really want to be a parent, you are much more likely to end up a single parent (either a truly single parent, or the parent that does all the parenting while keeping the relationship) Sometimes people are so quick to force a family that they end up truly doing a disservice to themselves.
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    GraySaturday wrote:
    I'd be willing to put money on that being the case. Its sad to see so many women that really want to have kids, and yet they are with guys who don't want to have them. Why would you enter a relationship wanting to change the person's mind? If I wanted children, I would be with someone who was TOTALLY into it because then they would play a very active role in parenting as well. Its such a irony because if you force someone into having a child when they don't really want to be a parent, you are much more likely to end up a single parent (either a truly single parent, or the parent that does all the parenting while keeping the relationship) Sometimes people are so quick to force a family that they end up truly doing a disservice to themselves.

    You nailed it perfectly there. I'm currently watching two relationships right now just fall apart because of that scenario. One with my buddy who wanted a kid, and now his wife is just miserable, and the other where my buddy didn't want a kid and he's miserable. So yeah, I just don't get it, but at the same time I don't get why the other gives in.

    I'm always straight forward with anyone that asks me about wanting kids. I say currently I don't, and that's going to last until my niece and two nephews grow older. After they do, I'll reassess my views and see if I feel like I'm missing something in life and really do want some of my own or not. But anytime in the next 10 years is a definite no. It's way too touchy of a subject to lead anyone on in. I'm really active in my nephews and niece's life, so there's no chance I'm going to stop now to start a family of my own. That IS my family for me, and that's what I'm happy with.
  • Spunkie
    Spunkie i come from downtown. Posts: 7,095
    GraySaturday wrote:
    I'd be willing to put money on that being the case. Its sad to see so many women that really want to have kids, and yet they are with guys who don't want to have them. Why would you enter a relationship wanting to change the person's mind? If I wanted children, I would be with someone who was TOTALLY into it because then they would play a very active role in parenting as well. Its such a irony because if you force someone into having a child when they don't really want to be a parent, you are much more likely to end up a single parent (either a truly single parent, or the parent that does all the parenting while keeping the relationship) Sometimes people are so quick to force a family that they end up truly doing a disservice to themselves.

    That's exactly why I am "leaving here". I'm shutting the door on the boy that's doesn't share the Married with Children dream and I'm opening a door with a man that's absolutely mad for me. Not quite, "let's screw on the piano, I'm buying you the piano and a house to put in in" mad. But he likes me, nonetheless, and has the same hopes.
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  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    LOL, like I said...I didn't even dare ask another question and move on to that part. I stirred it up enough already. Better to just sit quietly and not drag it out.

    And I feel a little refreshed that I took the words out of your mouth...like I'm not as crazy anymore...or wait...it's you, maybe that makes me crazier than I thought I was? :p


    hehehe... a lot of people would say we're crazy....i was talking to a buddy of mine from high school this morning and he said that i should go after this girl from our class that is now divorced with 2 kids....WHY? a) i don't want to be married and secondly i don't want kids....especially someone else's....he really didn't understand that....btw he's married with 3 kids :p:D
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    GraySaturday wrote:
    Sometimes people are so quick to force a family that they end up truly doing a disservice to themselves.


    and the kids....that's what sickens me is people getting married and having kids because they think that is what the should do not necessarily what they want to do
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    i have no idea any more:(
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    cutback wrote:
    hehehe... a lot of people would say we're crazy....i was talking to a buddy of mine from high school this morning and he said that i should go after this girl from our class that is now divorced with 2 kids....WHY? a) i don't want to be married and secondly i don't want kids....especially someone else's....he really didn't understand that....btw he's married with 3 kids :p:D

    What are you talking about man? That's a keeper. I'm sure the baggage is already closed up on that one. That's a perfect situation for a guy like you to roll right into. :p
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    i have no idea any more:(

    Why the sad face?
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    You nailed it perfectly there. I'm currently watching two relationships right now just fall apart because of that scenario. One with my buddy who wanted a kid, and now his wife is just miserable, and the other where my buddy didn't want a kid and he's miserable. So yeah, I just don't get it, but at the same time I don't get why the other gives in.

    I'm always straight forward with anyone that asks me about wanting kids. I say currently I don't, and that's going to last until my niece and two nephews grow older. After they do, I'll reassess my views and see if I feel like I'm missing something in life and really do want some of my own or not. But anytime in the next 10 years is a definite no. It's way too touchy of a subject to lead anyone on in. I'm really active in my nephews and niece's life, so there's no chance I'm going to stop now to start a family of my own. That IS my family for me, and that's what I'm happy with.

    Thats really awesome that you stand your ground. There are many women out there that for various reasons have no interest in children. It's always the awkward talk when you first figure out someone's stance on children. Its really nice though when you pair yourself with someone who share the same view, because there is really no pressure to have to adapt to a new outlook. Now I just need to convince my inlaws to leave me alone about popping out a baby for them! ;)
  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    Why the sad face?
    getting divorced....not my choice.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Abookamongstthemany
    Abookamongstthemany Posts: 8,209
    I can't think of any reason for people to get married outside of insurance and things of that nature....and it's a shame it has to come to being legally bound to someone to qualify for those benefits.
    If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
    -Oscar Wilde
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    GraySaturday wrote:
    Thats really awesome that you stand your ground. There are many women out there that for various reasons have no interest in children. It's always the awkward talk when you first figure out someone's stance on children. Its really nice though when you pair yourself with someone who share the same view, because there is really no pressure to have to adapt to a new outlook. Now I just need to convince my inlaws to leave me alone about popping out a baby for them! ;)

    LOL Good luck with that.

    Maybe that's why I tend to get more conversations and attractions out of older established women right now that know their sets in life that are over the popping out a kid thing...It seems a lot of people I meet my age are in the, 'well I gotta meet someone I can have kids with' yet they're still confused about having kids, but just know that they want them.

    Oh and again, good luck with the in-laws situation. :)
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    getting divorced....not my choice.

    I'm sorry. :(
  • GraySaturday
    GraySaturday Posts: 2,878
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    LOL Good luck with that.

    Maybe that's why I tend to get more conversations and attractions out of older established women right now that know their sets in life that are over the popping out a kid thing...It seems a lot of people I meet my age are in the, 'well I gotta meet someone I can have kids with' yet they're still confused about having kids, but just know that they want them.

    Oh and again, good luck with the in-laws situation. :)

    Ha, thanks! I put them in their place. I asked my mother in law if she was gonna move in and take care of the baby in the middle of the night and pay for all the expenses. That shut her up.

    You'll find someone who doesn't want kids, we're out here! I'm only 24
  • eyedclaar
    eyedclaar Posts: 6,980
    GraySaturday wrote:
    Thats really awesome that you stand your ground. There are many women out there that for various reasons have no interest in children. It's always the awkward talk when you first figure out someone's stance on children. Its really nice though when you pair yourself with someone who share the same view, because there is really no pressure to have to adapt to a new outlook. Now I just need to convince my inlaws to leave me alone about popping out a baby for them! ;)

    Despite my marriage jokes, I am married (for the 2nd time) and thankfully my family and in-laws no longer ask us about kids. I think they got the message after my 1,000th joke about rather popping off a baby's head than raising one...

    The breeders are keeping us all knee-deep in humans; they certainly don't need my help. And yes, it is perfect having a spouse that feels the same way.
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  • CHANGEinWAVES
    CHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    EvilMerlin wrote:
    I'm sorry. :(
    thank you.

    it has me questioning the idea of marriage all together....i thought it was a commitment.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • Lizardjam
    Lizardjam Posts: 1,121
    Swan wrote:

    See, after the first month or two of being married and living together we started arguing…a lot. And if we weren’t married I probably would have moved out but being as it was my wife and not just a girlfriend I was living with we worked through it.


    This would be my main reason. Aside from all the instituional and religous stuff that doesn't hold as much water as the fact that people are more willing to stick around and work it out when there's the level of commitment a marriage represents.

    No marriage, and ask any guy(as already posted originally), or girl I guess, and they find it easier to split up and walk away.
    bugs in the way...I feel about you

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  • iluvcats
    iluvcats Posts: 5,153
    where are the mushy posts about why you should get married? I'm married but I'm not a creative or artsy writer. So sorry, you won't get a mushy justification out of me.

    just remember you rich pearl jam fans -- in some states (depending on the laws), your spouse will take you to the cleaners if you get a divorce. they'll take half of your savings. maybe that is why goldie hawn never married kurt russell -- look what happened to Paul McCartney.

    And if I told you that I like being married, I would not be able to explain why, but I do. We lived together for 5 years before we got married and I felt insecure b/c I'm old fashioned.
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  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    GraySaturday wrote:
    Ha, thanks! I put them in their place. I asked my mother in law if she was gonna move in and take care of the baby in the middle of the night and pay for all the expenses. That shut her up.

    You'll find someone who doesn't want kids, we're out here! I'm only 24

    LOL nice.

    And I found one once, but she was basically a hermit. Wanted to stay in every night. Great girl, just got boring after a while. My dvd collection grew tenfold during that time. So even staying in costed me money. :p
  • EvilMerlin
    EvilMerlin Posts: 1,865
    CHANGEinWAVES wrote:
    thank you.

    it has me questioning the idea of marriage all together.

    You're welcome and again, I'm sorry you're going through that and that now you're questioning it.

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