A drunken review of 8 (repost b/c people are dumb)

fanch75 wrote:

A drunken review of 8

This is an album I’ve long meant to review appropriately, but just never found the inspiration or will for whatever reason. Well, people, tonight I’m inspired. This is a great album with so much meaning & memories behind it, such a great, fun, transitional time. Fuckin A people, Pearl Jam gave a gem with this one, so let’s crack a beer, because I fuckin’ feel like talkin’ about 8.

LIFE WASTED –. You just got back from Thornton’s with your case of natty, and your buddy’s all like “Dude let’s fuckin DRINK and listen to Pearl Jam!” That is what this song sounds like. The original lyrics were “I’m wasted, I’m wasted, never going to drink shitty microbrew again.” This song jams, rocks, and make me wanna run up to The WawwwlMart and get my herr all did and get a fuckin’ mullet. Great riff, great attitude, and Ed lets out a little laugh before he opens another 40 of Pabst (I read that on the innernetz). 8.5 Fuckin A’s out of 10

WORLDWIDE SUICIDE – This song is hotter than 15 fat bitches in a CRX. The fuckin quintessential song from 8. Starts off with an Edge-like Vertigo-ish riff, and then heads off into big powerchords that coulda been written by Pete Townsend. Minus the child porn, of course. Anyway, yeah, I thought this song was like total YIELD in its feel and that’s cool. Ed sounds like he did a pound of shrooms before these vox and comes off like a 70’s rock star. Catchy, instantly memorable, angry but feel-good at the same time. Dunno how that works, maybe because I’ve had seven natty lights. Time for another. 9 pounds of fried meat out of 10

COMATOSE – This song kicks all kinds of ass. This song kicks so much ass, that my stereo was playing it when I was heading off to work that it threw a beer bottle at me. When I turned around, it was beating the shit outta some small animal. And then it fuckin ate it! I’ll quote my buddy Makul here, this song starts out with a kick ass AC/DC riff, and just when you’re ready for Brian Johnson to start singing about his balls, Vedder hits you with a vocal bitch slap. Plus, Ed talks about breaking the law and shit, and that’s metal. Slam a natty, throw the horns, and yell out a big fuck yeah! The riot act-era band could only dream of writing a song like this. 7 smashed riot act CD’s out of 10

SEVERED HAND – Hahahahha, yes! After many listenings trying to figure out what the fuck this song was about, it became so obvious to me that this song is about going to a little bar in Cross Lanes WV called Bobby’s. Let me tell ya, you ain’t experienced shit until you went to Bobby’s. You smack your ole lady for not scrubbing up your toilets right and leave her on the cement floor, head off to Bobby’s, get all fucked up, see dragons and shit, and then you accidentally chop your hand off (without realizing), and then when walking home you find it later with your wedding ring on. Although awesome, that’s pretty fucked up. That’s what SEVERED HAND is about. 7 wife beaters out of 10.

MARKER IN THE SAND – How did a YIELD song end up on 8? Obviously about the middle east and all that fucked up shit over there, but about how it could be fixed. See, years ago they had natty light there, but this Jewish dude and this Arab dude got pissed off over a game of beer pong. This big holy fight began, and God left the premises, wondering why they wouldn’t just drink the natty and move on ya know? Years later, that case of natty they were drinking was found buried under the sand, unfinished. If they had just drank their natty instead of fighting over dumb shit, then shit woulda been aight. But no. So, Natural Light IS the Marker in the Sand. When you listen to it knowing this, it makes total sense. Seriously. 9 Moses out of 10

PARACHUTES – I’ve always loved this song. Obviously about learning shit from mistakes and moving on. I’ve found that this song sounds best around a campfire (preferably around a hot chick). Alotta folks don’t like this song, but fuck’em. Actually I wouldn’t even do that to ‘em. Fuckers. Somebody threw paper parachutes onstage at the Cincy 06 show, so that alone validates this song. That’s all I have to say about Parachutes. 6.5 boxes of Popeye’s chicken out of 10

UNEMPLOYABLE – I used to fucking HATE this song, I thought it sounded like the same lame-ass shit on riot act. But then I quit smoking crack and realized I was wrong. Great open-air sound, I dug it at the GORGE last year, it fit. For some reason, makes me wanna drink The Beast. The “whoah oh oh ohhhh” chorus sounds like something from a Shania Twain song, but without the booty pants and redneck chick. 5.5 pink slips out of 10

BIG WAVE – What a fun song this is. Fuckin’ A, I wanna get me a big wave too! But since I live in Ohio, I’ll get me a 40 of Natty. This song is alright, it’s fun, but doesn’t make my nipples hard either. At least it ain’t about being a pussy and thumbin my way to someplace, whatever the fuck that means. Also, I doubt this tune would be on the new Megadeth album, but that’s aight. Fuck it. Again a song that the riot act version of this band woulda fucked up b/c it woulda been too much effort. 5 boogie boards out of 10

GONE – If MFC hit RVM from behind and they had a kid, it’d be GONE. Fuckin’ A, this song is great. I can just hear it cruising with the top down. I like the escapism theme that Pearl Jam explores here and there, just driving off with a tune to someplace. It’s kind of like you had a bad day, you leave work to say fuck it, but instead you end up at Bobby’s (see SEVERED HAND). Cool chorus a la IN HIDING (which wasn’t about Bobby’s). Anyway, this song is cool, make me think of the awesome touring year of 2006. 8 Camaros out of 10.

WASTED REPRISE – Ed is still thinking about the shitty microbrews, and how he’s never going back again to buy one. He’s wasted, but never going back again. Cool. I think this song was recorded during a piss break, so that’s cool. Speaking of which….5 natties out of 10.

ARMY RESERVE – Truthfully this tune is too heavy lyrically to talk about in this review. What can you do. I can’t touch this one, so I won’t. I don’t think it fits on the album, a great song, but a downer due to the strong lyrical content, not uplifting like the rest of the album. Yeah I know. I can’t get out of this one so I won’t try, but have a natty, eh? 7 insurgents out of 10

COME BACK – You know what? I like Elvis. I really do, he wrote & sang some classic rock and roll songs, and fuck off if you don’t think so. When they start calling you “The King” 30 years after you die, then go disagree. Until then, no one gives a fuck. Anyway, that’s what this song reminds me of, an Elvis song. And that’s fine. A blues number, nothing totally original, but a good tune to drink beer too. Originality is overrated, a good song is more important. Ed sings it live convincingly, I dig it. Maybe he met her at Bobby’s?

INSIDE JOB – One to sit around and reflect with your buddies about. Good shit, builds to a climax, total McCready. I can still see the Gorge stage when I hear it. This song I think is about not drinking, which is a bit ironic given the review’s context. The tune makes me want the album to not end, to just keep going. Doesn’t sound like Elvis though, and I don’t think it’s about smacking any women around or going to Bobby’s (see SEVERED HAND). Great shit. 8.5 trips to Thornton’s out of 10

So there you have it. This album was a fine return to form. Not YIELD, but some things are just what they are and life and rock and roll evolve and move on. This is an incredible album, an uplifting one, you feel good just listening to it. Much passion, it has. A perfect summer album; may it encourage us all to be a human light again. Or to drink a natty light again.

There you have it.

South of Seattle wrote:

I give this review 9 Atlanta pit bulls out of 10.

South of Seattle wrote:

Nope, these were the pit bulls that were adopted by new aspiring dog fighters.

fanch75 wrote:

I thought you read a book about going off-grid and it changed your life? How are you reading this?