Fair? Man must pay alimony dispite ex-wife's lesbian partnership

2

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  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    I have a question. I don't know much about this. What happens if the one ordered to pay alimony loses his/her job? What happens if the one receiving alimony starts making more than the one ordered to pay alimony? Does alimony stop when one gets remarried?

    Yeah, good questions baraka. :)

    It seems to get really convoluted doesn't it? :confused:
    NOPE!!!

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  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    Jeanie wrote:
    Yeah, good questions baraka. :)

    It seems to get really convoluted doesn't it? :confused:

    It is a huge mess. If the spouse paying alimony losses his/her job I believe you can file with the courts to have a hold period on your payments until you are finacialy able to resume. It also depends on the reason you lost your job. If your ex for some reason starts making more than you do, and you become aware of it, you again have to file with the courts to cease paying alimony.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    Jeanie wrote:
    Yeah, good questions baraka. :)

    It seems to get really convoluted doesn't it? :confused:

    Hi Jeanie!

    Yeah, the whole alimony thing has always confused me. I can see where it applicable in a few cases, but not across the board.

    Also, let's say one decided to have an affair and end the marriage due to 'finding someone else'. If the one ending the marriage makes less, are they entitled to alimony?

    Also, what about health insurance? How does that work if you are on your spouses plan?
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,216
    baraka wrote:
    I have a question. I don't know much about this. What happens if the one ordered to pay alimony loses his/her job? What happens if the one receiving alimony starts making more than the one ordered to pay alimony? Does alimony stop when one gets remarried?
    Not sure about the first question, but I guess it would depend on the judge's ruling or any divorce related documents that the two have signed.

    For the second question, most alimony settlements are contingent upon getting remarried, so I don't think alimony would stop.

    On the third question, if it's the one paying alimony, they have to continue paying if they get remarried. If it's the one receiving alimony, the payments stop if they get remarried.
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    just to show you how fucked up the system is here. My child support in 25% of my net salary. I have no problem paying that money. The amount of alimony my ex would have received had she only waited 4 more months to file would have been 27% of my net salary. She would have been receiving more money than my kids. Now that 25% for child support does not include any extra-curricular activities, such as sports, any type of lessons such as dance, tutoring, music. All of those have to be equally split and my half of the cost is added on top of the child support. The same goes for any medical bills.

    So had she filed 4 months later she would be living the high life and I would be living in a van down by the river.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    baraka wrote:
    Hi Jeanie!

    Yeah, the whole alimony thing has always confused me. I can see where it applicable in a few cases, but not across the board.

    Also, let's say one decided to have an affair and end the marriage due to 'finding someone else'. If the one ending the marriage makes less, are they entitled to alimony?

    Also, what about health insurance? How does that work if you are on your spouses plan?

    I think, and I'm not sure, but I'm thinking that the health insurance would be considered an asset? So therefore it would be necissary for it to be divided. Somehow. I think we have similar things here with Superannuation, where that is considered an asset and therefore part of the division of assets at the termination of a marriage.

    I'm really not sure about the other. To my mind if you were the reason for the disolution of the marriage then I can't see why you would be entitled but who knows? :o
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,216
    baraka wrote:
    Hi Jeanie!

    Yeah, the whole alimony thing has always confused me. I can see where it applicable in a few cases, but not across the board.

    Also, let's say one decided to have an affair and end the marriage due to 'finding someone else'. If the one ending the marriage makes less, are they entitled to alimony?

    Also, what about health insurance? How does that work if you are on your spouses plan?
    if the one that had the affair and caused the divorce wants alimony, I think a judge will be more likely to dismiss that claim.....
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    baraka wrote:
    Hi Jeanie!

    Yeah, the whole alimony thing has always confused me. I can see where it applicable in a few cases, but not across the board.

    Also, let's say one decided to have an affair and end the marriage due to 'finding someone else'. If the one ending the marriage makes less, are they entitled to alimony?

    Also, what about health insurance? How does that work if you are on your spouses plan?

    Well I can answer the health insurance question because I was on my ex's plan. The answer is you are SHIT OUT OF LUCK. I was dropped from her plan and now have to pay for my own benefits, since I am a freelancer I do not qualify for employer's plan.

    I would think the situation would be different if you where a stay at home mom or dad and where on your spouses plan. In that situation I would think a case can be made for the working spouse to provide some type of finacial support to help cover the ex. It would probably be built into the alimony payment.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • baraka
    baraka Posts: 1,268
    mammasan wrote:
    just to show you how fucked up the system is here. My child support in 25% of my net salary. I have no problem paying that money. The amount of alimony my ex would have received had she only waited 4 more months to file would have been 27% of my net salary. She would have been receiving more money than my kids. Now that 25% for child support does not include any extra-curricular activities, such as sports, any type of lessons such as dance, tutoring, music. All of those have to be equally split and my half of the cost is added on top of the child support. The same goes for any medical bills.

    So had she filed 4 months later she would be living the high life and I would be living in a van down by the river.

    Mammasan, are you saying that had your ex waited 4 more months, she would have been able to 'milk' you even though she was the one that filed for divorce? In other words, the one filing for divorce can receive alimony?
    The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
    but the illusion of knowledge.
    ~Daniel Boorstin

    Only a life lived for others is worth living.
    ~Albert Einstein
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    markymark550 wrote:
    if the one that had the affair and caused the divorce wants alimony, I think a judge will be more likely to dismiss that claim.....


    that depends on what state you live in. New Jersey is a no fault state, which means that having an affair is completely irrevelent in court and will have no bearing on the Judge's decision.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    baraka wrote:
    Mammasan, are you saying that had your ex waited 4 more months, she would have been able to 'milk' you even though she was the one that filed for divorce? In other words, the one filing for divorce can receive alimony?


    Yep. Thankfully my ex was not aware of the statute. Once she found out she looked like she was going to vomit. She knew at that instant that had she waited just 4 more months before filing I would have been ass raped in court.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    mammasan wrote:
    just to show you how fucked up the system is here. My child support in 25% of my net salary. I have no problem paying that money. The amount of alimony my ex would have received had she only waited 4 more months to file would have been 27% of my net salary. She would have been receiving more money than my kids. Now that 25% for child support does not include any extra-curricular activities, such as sports, any type of lessons such as dance, tutoring, music. All of those have to be equally split and my half of the cost is added on top of the child support. The same goes for any medical bills.

    So had she filed 4 months later she would be living the high life and I would be living in a van down by the river.

    Now that I do not get at all. Alimony confuses me. It really doesn't seem fair in a lot of cases.
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,216
    mammasan wrote:
    that depends on what state you live in. New Jersey is a no fault state, which means that having an affair is completely irrevelent in court and will have no bearing on the Judge's decision.
    oh ok, that stinks for NJ...and I just looked up the law here, if you have an affair before reaching a divorce settlement, you are not entitled to alimony....that's not even a judge's decision
  • CorporateWhore
    CorporateWhore Posts: 1,890
    mammasan wrote:
    Alimony is probably one of the biggest fucking scams on this planet. In certain cases I can understand it but for the most part it is used by one spouse to financially punish the other. My ex tried to get me for alimony but lucky for me our divorce was filed prior to our 10 year anniversary. So in the state of New Jersey that means no alimony for you.

    Alimony is complete crap.

    It's supposed to ensure that the spouse is paid in return for the sacrifice that they supposedly endured for the marriage. Usually that means that they stayed home with the kids and as a result, couldn't get a job working.

    That's a load of shit. Staying home with your children is not a punishment - it's a blessing. You shouldn't have to be paid for it after you've been divorced. You made a choice to have children and stay home. You didn't have to.

    Also, frequently after divorce, the spouses find other people. You mean I have to pay alimony to my former spouse even when she's dating some jerk? Nope, not happening.

    This is another reason why I plan to wait to get married.
    All I know is that to see, and not to speak, would be the great betrayal.
    -Enoch Powell
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    I really don't think we have alimony. I can't seem to find anything on it and I've never heard of it being awarded or applied for so I'm thinking not.
    This paper on "spousal support" seems to indicate that we don't have it here.

    http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/pubs/behrens.html
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    Jeanie wrote:
    Now that I do not get at all. Alimony confuses me. It really doesn't seem fair in a lot of cases.


    In my case the real fucking kicker is that for 2007 my ex and I are making the same amount of money. She is making more and I took a significant hit because I am freelancing and I am not working at the same level as I was those past 5 years. Just because I made more from 2001 to 2006, they usually only look back 5 years, she would have been entitled to that 27% of my net salary. At the end of 2007 I would have the opportunity to file a motion to have the amount of alimony decreased because of the change in salary, but I would still have to pay her every month till she either remarries, dies, or starts making a significant amount more per year than I do.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • mammasan
    mammasan Posts: 5,656
    CorporateWhore wrote:
    Also, frequently after divorce, the spouses find other people. You mean I have to pay alimony to my former spouse even when she's dating some jerk? Nope, not happening.

    This is another reason why I plan to wait to get married.

    You are preaching to the choir my friend. My ex has a boyfriend, he has to pay child support for 3 children and alimony, his soon to be ex did not work. So he doesn't have a fucking pot to piss in. Every time they go out she pays. I have seen her credit card and bank statements to prove this. So my alimony payments would have been going to support this fucking douche bag. And as i stated had she waited those 4 months there wouldn't have been a thing in the world I could have done.
    "When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
  • RainDog
    RainDog Posts: 1,824
    mammasan wrote:
    that depends on what state you live in. New Jersey is a no fault state, which means that having an affair is completely irrevelent in court and will have no bearing on the Judge's decision.
    I thought "no fault" meant that you could get a divorce at your discretion without one of the spouses having committed some marital sin like abuse or infidelity. Basically, that we've been a "no fault" divorce nation since around the beginning to middle of the 20th century. Prior to that, something bad had to have happened or a divorce wouldn't be allowed by law.

    I also thought that an at fault spouse was entitled to child support (if applicable) and a split of the assets, and that's it. Basically, that he or she broke a legally binding contract. Am I wrong?

    Jeez. And people wonder why my lady and I have been living together for 10 years without walking down that aisle (and, no, common law doesn't apply to us, as we haven't lived in any single state long enough).
  • Jeanie
    Jeanie Posts: 9,446
    mammasan wrote:
    In my case the real fucking kicker is that for 2007 my ex and I are making the same amount of money. She is making more and I took a significant hit because I am freelancing and I am not working at the same level as I was those past 5 years. Just because I made more from 2001 to 2006, they usually only look back 5 years, she would have been entitled to that 27% of my net salary. At the end of 2007 I would have the opportunity to file a motion to have the amount of alimony decreased because of the change in salary, but I would still have to pay her every month till she either remarries, dies, or starts making a significant amount more per year than I do.

    But why mamma? :confused: This sounds like institutionalized prostitution to me or a version of it anyway. I really don't get it. I mean it's not even reasonable, let alone fair or just. I'm struggling with what the rationale is behind it?
    NOPE!!!

    *~You're IT Bert!~*

    Hold on to the thread
    The currents will shift
  • CorporateWhore
    CorporateWhore Posts: 1,890
    RainDog wrote:
    (and, no, common law doesn't apply to us, as we haven't lived in any single state long enough).

    Hiyooo!!! And she hasn't been getting antsy for a ring? Wow. That's a keeper right there.
    All I know is that to see, and not to speak, would be the great betrayal.
    -Enoch Powell

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