I've wrote a poem using some pj lyrics can ne1 point them out?

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vedhead01
vedhead01 Posts: 24
edited October 2005 in The Art Wall
An eternal flame endlessly glowing,
thoughts stirring,emotions still flowing.

Silence, a nothing sound,
motionless,for no-one's around.

Pricked finger, begins bleeding,
still here, my mind proceeding.

Cracked mirror, broken glass
blurred reflection, no past.

Breaking wave, high tide,
eyes blind, opened wide.

Locked door, tightened screw,
two's a crowd, me and you.

Crying dried tears,
dreading days and years.

Rapid pulse, heart beating,
damn pricked finger won't stop bleeding!
I had a false belief I thought I came here to stay. we're all just visiting, breaking like waves! - E.V.


"Heaven is not a place you go when you die
it's that moment you touch her and you actually feel alive."- The Spill Canvas
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • Fahka
    Fahka Posts: 3,187
    "a nothing sound"...from in hiding .... i spotted that one ;)
  • vedhead01
    vedhead01 Posts: 24
    LeatherMandi wrote:
    "a nothing sound"...from in hiding .... i spotted that one ;)

    thats one good job theres one more! What do u think of the poem criticisms comments?
    I had a false belief I thought I came here to stay. we're all just visiting, breaking like waves! - E.V.


    "Heaven is not a place you go when you die
    it's that moment you touch her and you actually feel alive."- The Spill Canvas
  • totaledhead
    totaledhead Posts: 197
    "high tide" is from I Am Mine right?


    ~P@M~
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,369
    two's a crowd is like "crowded table sits just two." This is very cool how you work with the lyrics but I see words that could imply that they were from the songs. I'm not sure of the poem criticisms comments you reference - where are they?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • vedhead01
    vedhead01 Posts: 24
    You're right that it is but I wrote this poem before that so it's something else but way to catch that one now I can actually say theres three.
    I had a false belief I thought I came here to stay. we're all just visiting, breaking like waves! - E.V.


    "Heaven is not a place you go when you die
    it's that moment you touch her and you actually feel alive."- The Spill Canvas
  • vedhead01
    vedhead01 Posts: 24
    Bibliobella wrote:
    two's a crowd is like "crowded table sits just two." This is very cool how you work with the lyrics but I see words that could imply that they were from the songs. I'm not sure of the poem criticisms comments you reference - where are they?


    Good job! If there are other words let me know like the other just said High tide from I am Mine, but I wrote this before that. It's cool that U guys can pick up others as well!
    I had a false belief I thought I came here to stay. we're all just visiting, breaking like waves! - E.V.


    "Heaven is not a place you go when you die
    it's that moment you touch her and you actually feel alive."- The Spill Canvas
  • Eddie_Vedder_83
    Eddie_Vedder_83 Posts: 281
    me and you, eventhough it could be from anywhere: Faithfull
    breaking wave: isn't that Undone?
    ~It is better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not - ?~

    ~You laugh because I am different, I laugh because you are all the fucking same -?~

    ~Education is the most powerfull weapon you can use to change the world - Nelson Mandela~

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