Scratch that Itch

moreandmore
moreandmore Posts: 164
edited December 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Them clothes got pelt off in one of ten small,
white and light green tiled washrooms.
There was hair clumped with that black stuff that comes
from bathroom floors in the drains.
It matched everything.

There was an itch on a shin that dug deep like a pricker,
and a scratch that flaked dry skin three layers down.

There were pretty people in the swimming pool.
Fat ones and skinny ones, hairy ones and wrinkled ones.
And people with tatoos all over their soft, white skins.
Little boys with cut tummies and girls with their suits about to bust.
There was even a pregnant girl in a polka-dot bikini!
But they were all beautiful...

And all the while, beneath the clean chlorine
the jets made craters in our calves...
and the scratched shin sung against the bath
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • deadnote
    deadnote Posts: 1,678
    light years beyond my stuff
    set your laughter free

    dreamer in my dream

    we got the guns

    i love you,but im..............callin out.........callin out
  • moreandmore
    moreandmore Posts: 164
    i started the critique thing 2 1/2 years ago
    fugh... i can't believe it's been that long!
    it's helped quite a bit, but i'm still not publishable


    thank you very much for reading it :)
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Publishing matters, not.


    Bummmmmmmmp. :)
  • La St. La
    La St. La Posts: 28
    this isn't what Imust...resist... need to see when I have POINSON IVY....
    o.O

    must...resist....
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Good poem, innit, though? :)
  • La St. La
    La St. La Posts: 28
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Good poem, innit, though? :)

    oh lovely poem, yes
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Yes. :)
  • moreandmore
    moreandmore Posts: 164
    i'd come in to gather up the girls
    cut them out and paste them into a book...

    and found all these nice things you've said!


    thank you so very much!
  • olderman
    olderman Posts: 1,765
    swirling, swimming pools of clear, chlorinated water incite a glorious relaxation.

    peace.

    :D
    Down the street you can hear her scream youre a disgrace
    As she slams the door in his drunken face
    And now he stands outside
    And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
    He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
    What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
    Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
    And his tears fall and burn the garden green
  • moreandmore
    moreandmore Posts: 164
    oh, i could use a little summer sun

    i almost look "white" :shudders: ;)

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