One of my (crappy) poems...

dissidentbehindthec
dissidentbehindthec Posts: 100
edited January 2005 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Written: 12/20/03, inspired by a comment made by a friend.

Blanketed in shadow, a stardust path
Whose airy footsteps will never last
The moon beholds our solumn place
Alone and small in outer space

Two souls inside a dream
A dream, yet real it seems
Two hearts beat, yet we move as one
Unseen, aloft, behind the sun

But when the moon seeks yonder cloud
And the stimulus is dying down
I hold desperately to what hasn't left me...

Don't open your eyes or you might lose me.
Speaking as a child of the 90's....I never thought you'd habit.

http://www.myspace.com/thespork
http://www.myspace.com/drstevesatan
http://www.last.fm/user/evolutionbaby/
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • coleen
    coleen Posts: 938
    if this is one of the crappy ones, i'd give about anything for one of the good ones.

    i'm over the moon about this one whether you think its crappy or not. :)
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    :)

    The title: "One of my (crappy) poems...", just doesn't do it justice!!!!

    And I'll be darned if the last line didn't just make me think "Eyes Wide Shut", and blast if that isn't the title of an oddball Kubrick project, but it just seemed to pop into my head when I read it!

    It was a lovely read and the only really crappy thing about it was that horrid title! :D

    And who cares if you think it's crap! Just share if you want to share, you know? :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Words never listen
    Words never listen Posts: 46
    Hi

    I really like the second verse and the last sentence is marvellous!!
    How can I forget your tender smile
    Moments that I have shared with you
    Our hearts may break
    But they're on their way
    And there's nothing I can do
  • Pearl_Jam_Necklace
    Pearl_Jam_Necklace Posts: 501
    dissidentbehindthec wrote:
    Written: 12/20/03, inspired by a comment made by a friend.

    Blanketed in shadow, a stardust path
    Whose airy footsteps will never last
    The moon beholds our solumn place
    Alone and small in outer space

    Two souls inside a dream
    A dream, yet real it seems
    Two hearts beat, yet we move as one
    Unseen, aloft, behind the sun

    But when the moon seeks yonder cloud
    And the stimulus is dying down
    I hold desperately to what hasn't left me...

    Don't open your eyes or you might lose me.


    crappy poem??? i think notttttttttttttttttt....
    ...It's only after disaster that we can be resurrected...
    it's only after you've lost everything ...that you are free to do anything....(Fight Club)

    ... I'll ride the wave...where it takes me....
  • libragirl
    libragirl Posts: 4,632
    Hey you lied...That's not crap!

    Actually, it's quite beautiful. :)
    These cuts are leaving creases. Trace the scars to fit the pieces, to tell the story, you don't need to say a word.
  • dissidentbehindthec
    dissidentbehindthec Posts: 100
    Thanks everybody :) Very encouraging words, especially since writing is my biggest passion :D
    Speaking as a child of the 90's....I never thought you'd habit.

    http://www.myspace.com/thespork
    http://www.myspace.com/drstevesatan
    http://www.last.fm/user/evolutionbaby/

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