For T.J.

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Comments

  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    lovin kind wrote:
    a good feeling it must be to have so many words if your trying to put them to some music

    I don't have a musical bone in my body (besides my ears, which hear music every day)....I'd love to be able to write songs, though. A friend of mine used to turn my poems into songs, as he is a great musician (and a big PJ fan! We went to Hershey '03 together) but can't write to save his life. I hardly see him anymore, though. Shame, as it was really fun to see my poems set to music.
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  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    For T.J.

    There are men with grease-covered fingers
    Who in shack-like bars
    Drink strong whiskey
    Night after night
    And speak of earthy things
    Like work and sports
    Cars and overtime
    Night after night.
    They wear the tattered clothes of toil
    And smell like mud and forgotten coffee;
    These men with the grease-covered fingers
    Don't come and go
    (don't change season to season)
    And for better or worse
    They know the value of a passing hour.

    There are wrinkled women with knitting needles
    Who in large bay windows sit
    As the town becomes cold
    And all around them lights go dim
    (pull the needle, pull the string).
    They watch the cars drive slowly by
    While inside their brains
    The foggy undercurrent of old age rages
    (the broken bones of youth?
    the marriages, the foot doctors,
    the miserable trips to the beach with the bee stings,
    remember?)
    And the smells of fried eggs and moth balls
    Leak from under their doors;
    These sagging women with the knitting needles
    Have forgotten what they used to know about time,
    And bodies.

    And then there is you, T.J., with your
    Six-to-eight weeks to live
    And your twirling dance 'round the dining room;
    Oh how I wish I could know you more
    (ask you more questions, tell you more things)
    And that time could stop for now.
    But it won't
    (it doesn't; it never has)
    And when your spark arcs over my roof some night
    On it's way to where you're going
    I hope we can share a brief glance
    So you can see me smiling so wide
    Mouthing
    You lived! You lived!
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  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    In the next-to-last line, what do you think about me changing 'thinking' to 'mouthing'?

    Seemed to me to be a more concrete image, something she could see--both in her mind now when she reads it, and also in the context of the poem as her spark arcs over my roof. Thoughts?
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  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    grooveamatic wrote:
    In the next-to-last line, what do you think about me changing 'thinking' to 'mouthing'?

    Seemed to me to be a more concrete image, something she could see--both in her mind now when she reads it, and also in the context of the poem as her spark arcs over my roof. Thoughts?
    I like mouthing better than thinking for the exact reason you noted above. However, mouthing is an odd word with the ou and the th it's cavernous. Is there a simile to mouthing out there?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    I like mouthing better than thinking for the exact reason you noted above. However, mouthing is an odd word with the ou and the th it's cavernous. Is there a simile to mouthing out there?

    I had the same sorta thought....it's also always seemed vaguely sexual to me.

    Having trouble thinking of a substitution though....
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  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    As an update for any who care: T.J.'s cancer is in remission. It looks as though she's going to live!
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  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    Excellent!
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    grooveamatic wrote:
    As an update for any who care: T.J.'s cancer is in remission. It looks as though she's going to live!

    :):):):):) That's awesome!
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • grooveamatic
    grooveamatic Posts: 1,374
    Thanks M.H. and B.E.--it is supercool!
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