An old sestina of mine

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Comments

  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    In fact, Fins, you could start with this piece of mine as the foundation for the team piece, and have at it. What do you say?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    In fact, Fins, you could start with this piece of mine as the foundation for the team piece, and have at it. What do you say?

    Up to you, Ms Haiku! But shall we see if anybody else wants to have a crack at a full sestina first? :)
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Up to you, Ms Haiku! But shall we see if anybody else wants to have a crack at a full sestina first? :)

    I'm thinking I might give it a try tonight. :D
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  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    This is my attempt at a sestina. I hope it's okay!! :)

    Village on a hill

    They were sitting over there, the
    couple so happy, and not-too-old
    it surprised a smile from the waitress to see
    the way their heads were inclined and their hands
    were moving as they were reading
    she brought the fruit, coffee, and tea silently

    Their first pick for sightseeing was old
    an abbey, complete with bones to see
    creatively arranged in the dank basement, the
    monks were artists needing to keep hands
    busy and helpful when they weren't silently
    doing their chores, singing, or reading

    Up the hillside they climbed, silently
    awed by the steep slope, they held hands
    though locals weren't impressed, there was lots to see
    around a bend, a sign needed reading
    it was partially graphic, so the
    dictionary wasn't needed, yet it was old!

    They knew this place was what they came to see
    it smelled musty, they didn't stop, but the
    darkness required them to touch the walls with their hands
    the tunnel was made for small people, silently
    bending their heads in prayer and old-
    fashioned Guidonian-hand reading

    Outside the tunnel, the sun shined for all the
    plants in a garden of herbs so old
    a close kitchen, clean as the cook's hands
    was swept and orderly for the visitors to see
    they hoped for lunch and menu-reading
    but they curiously looked around, too silently

    By the time lunch was cold and old
    with book and score-filled hands,
    they were ready to be alone--but not silently
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  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    This was very cool to read. I think the last 3 lines have to include all 6 words, though.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    This was very cool to read. I think the last 3 lines have to include all 6 words, though.

    Ugh! I didn't realize that! :p
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  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    justam wrote:
    Ugh! I didn't realize that! :p

    Yep, they do. But you can tweak it. ;)