An old sestina of mine

FinsburyParkCarrots
FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
edited October 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Two taps, then three more. I thought that tap mine,
unique to me. The knocking taps again.
That's Freudian uncanniness, the strange
in what's familar or what's home
in what is strange. That knock again. I'll go
and get the door, see who the knocker is.

"How are you doing, fella? Well this is
a mighty place you have! Your door's like mine:
Art deco glass. Edwardian. You go
and make a pot of tea. Yes, back at home
I have a coat rack just like that. Again,
I have a mirror like that too." This strange

old man who in my mirror's not so strange;
I feel he knows me. So, I speak: "What is
your name, sir? Make yourself at home,
please do. Come through. So far you're quite a mine
of revelations." There's that tap again:
He taps my kitchen table. "What would go

with tea? I have these biscuits here, they go
with anything. Well, do you know, that's strange
that you don't know me. Ah well, then again
I've been away. I guess what happens is
a long lost cousin's like a buried mine
that gets forgotten, and a brand new home

gets built above it. But one day the home
begins to throb and tick, and it will GO!!!
I'm Joe, your cousin; unexploded mine."
(The way he drags his similes is strange:
that's just what I would do. Perhaps this is
a cousin, not a chancer.) "Thanks again

For this good cup of tea. I'll call again,
I'm only passing. Please call at my home
number. here's my card." This stranger is
just like me, to come and then to go
through people's lives, not stopping, always home
to strangers yet to those at home, quite strange.

"I'll call again." I watch him turn and go,
Home-strange, strange-homely. Homebombs range, hit home.
I'm all this stranger is. And nothing's mine.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    For people who don't know sestinas, look at the line endings of each stanza. The same words turn up as line endings, each time, in a differnt order. Except for the closing tercet.
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Different.
  • justam
    justam Posts: 21,415
    I'm impressed when someone can put something together with such restrictions and still make it sound like more than that. :)
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    justam wrote:
    I'm impressed when someone can put something together with such restrictions and still make it sound like more than that. :)

    The sestina form was originally used by troubadors, and it was usually all about carousing and shagging. The subject matter was bawdy, and boundless in its potential for ribaldry, and the regimented patterns of its discourse only heightened the freespirited nature of its subject. And sestinas were sung: the humour of the theme undercut the formality of the metre, and the ever alternating rhyme scheme showed a wit at work.

    People tend to write sestinas about anything, these days. But maybe Holey Ghost should be true to the spirit of the French, and write a bawdy piece. Remember the rules about how the same line endings must appear in each stanza, in a different order; keep to pentameter (though it doesn't have to be iambic all the time, I'm not a sadist); and remember the tercet at the end!
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    Very cool, Fins! Should we all try one together?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Very cool, Fins! Should we all try one together?

    Nah, everyone do their own. It'd be an exercise in sustained practice in poetic form, then. Everyone doing a stanza each would be too easy.
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    Nah, everyone do their own. It'd be an exercise in sustained practice in poetic form, then. Everyone doing a stanza each would be too easy.
    Yeah, well, the question may be . . . do you want us to do this or not? ;) There is no "I" in "team" where's the team spirit Fins? Ok, I'll try it out . . .
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Yeah, well, the question may be . . . do you want us to do this or not? ;) There is no "I" in "team" where's the team spirit Fins? Ok, I'll try it out . . .

    We could play around interactively later, but I think it's best to build up the skills to try one alone, first!
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    There is no "I" in "team"

    There is a "me" though. ;)
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    There is a "me" though. ;)
    Never heard that one. You gave me my first laugh of the morning, Fins. Thank you :D
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    Ohmygawd! I'm on line 18, and it's getting a might tedious. Those troubadors must have been drunk to find this enjoyable ;)
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Ohmygawd! I'm on line 18, and it's getting a might tedious. Those troubadors must have been drunk to find this enjoyable ;)

    But the thing is, once you get good at it, with practice, you can say anything you want, and not hindered by the form. It's like learning fingerpicking style. You're only working out how to alternate picking six (or twelve) strings. The first exercises are tedious. But once you're away, you can play, and say, what you like, with the form. Use your imagination as your fretting hand!
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    But the thing is, once you get good at it, with practice, you can say anything you want, and not hindered by the form. It's like learning fingerpicking style. You're only working out how to alternate picking six (or twelve) strings. The first exercises are tedious. But once you're away, you can play, and say, what you like, with the form. Use your imagination as your fretting hand!
    Well, if I don't know how to play the guitar . . . should I fret with my head instead?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    Well, if I don't know how to play the guitar . . . should I fret with my head instead?

    Analogy:

    Technique = your picking hand, working over combinations of limited choices, to creative effect
    Imagination = your fretting hand, taking ideas like a vast range of notes

    ;)
  • Ali
    Ali Posts: 2,621
    nice finns,but,more imporatantly,I was wondering if you could get me over to England so I could study Billy Waite for about,oh,50 years?:)

    THats shakespeare to you college readers,...pass that one on to your prof.:)
    A whisper and a thrill
    A whisper and a chill
    adv2005

    "Why do I bother?"
    The 11th Commandment.
    "Whatever"

    PETITION TO STOP THE BAN OF SMOKING IN BARS IN THE UNITED STATES....Anyone?
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    A handbook of Poetrics by Lewis Turco. I've had this book since before 1990, and I used it to better understand the sestina. I may have over-repeated a few words, but it's my first try so here goes:

    A night long ago in Jersey
    I drove on the highway with friends.
    We listened to Bruce Springsteen songs
    and ate bags of small candy bars.
    The steering wheel turned neon orange,
    and highway streetlights turned it gold.

    We created stories of gold
    and pirates sailing to Jersey
    on board ships of black and bright orange
    so bright they scared away their friends,
    and enemies, and those in bars
    drunk on beer singing Springsteen songs.

    And, while the drunks were singing songs
    and trying to sell dirt as gold
    others sang stories of bars'
    chairs found in schoolyards of Jersey
    that were chopped down by groups of friends,
    nailed into squares and painted orange.

    Once these chairs of squares painted orange
    were covered in silk squares of songs,
    and during holidays some friends
    would travel wearing hats of gold
    setting chairs on streets of Jersey
    into lines like raised music bars.

    The chairs were then nailed high on bars
    in schoolyard playgrounds colored orange
    like many seen in New Jersey
    as referenced in local songs
    bound in books with glittering gold
    shared and enjoyed among old friends.

    If we meet strangers, call them friends
    waiting for drinks in outdoor bars,
    and show them the bound books of gold
    first found on ships of black and orange;
    books of stories, journals, and songs
    based on villages in Jersey.

    Then call your friends to drinks of orange
    only in bars pulsing with songs
    and mined gold from streets of Jersey.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    I'm wondering if you could play on the fact that "bars" is not just the plural of the noun "bar", but also the third person singular, present tense form, of the verb "to bar". The line endings at present are nouns or adjectives. Some use of verbs could create action.

    I like what you've done; I'm interested to see how some wordplay might make the piece richer.
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    I'm wondering if you could play on the fact that "bars" is not just the plural of the noun "bar", but also the third person singular, present tense form, of the verb "to bar". The line endings at present are nouns or adjectives. Some use of verbs could create action.

    I like what you've done; I'm interested to see how some wordplay might make the piece richer.
    The bars I used as 3 different nouns: tavern, schoolyard playground structure, lines on music. That was the most creative I got there, Fins. Maybe next time I'll use a little saucy attitude, and come up with something planned from the first word. This was just a little fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants thing.
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird
  • FinsburyParkCarrots
    FinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    Ms. Haiku wrote:
    The bars I used as 3 different nouns: tavern, schoolyard playground structure, lines on music. That was the most creative I got there, Fins. Maybe next time I'll use a little saucy attitude, and come up with something planned from the first word. This was just a little fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants thing.


    It's good. I caught the different uses of "bars". I think it would be fun to work on this piece, some more! :)
  • Ms. Haiku
    Ms. Haiku Washington DC Posts: 7,390
    FinsburyParkCarrots wrote:
    It's good. I caught the different uses of "bars". I think it would be fun to work on this piece, some more! :)
    What about the team piece, you know the one that includes I, me, and team?
    There is no such thing as leftover pizza. There is now pizza and later pizza. - anonymous
    The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math - The Mincing Mockingbird

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