Doing the Riot Act

The other day I went to the shop to try and buy some cigarettes but the woman behind the counter said that I CAN'T KEEP them as they were bad for my health.I was really upset and told her " woman if ever you need my help don't come running because I won't SAVE YOU".I went out of the store and then walked for what seemed like miles.It was a hot afternoon when I came upon an apple tree,underneath it sat a LOVE BOAT CAPTAIN.He was very nice but seemed drunk,I thought this because he kept going on about some CROPDUSTER who wouldn't leave him alone.I said " Chill man,it's probably just a GHOST from your past".He said " YOU ARE right,I've never met ayone like you,will you marry me?"I said "no! I AM MINE and you won't change that".He said he understood.He then stood up and walked off towards an ARC,I didn't think anything of this and went on my way.
By now it was getting dark and I wanted to get home because I had heard there was a GREEN DISEASE going around and I was frightened of catching it.I had no money on me so I found myself THUMBING MY WAY home.Before long a man offered me a lift,he was wearing a grey suit,a cowboys hat and a had a cigar hanging out of his mouth,I asked him if he was going to a fancy dress party to this he said " no! I am a BUSHLEAGUER and you'd better accept ALL OR NONE of me or get out".I said "Don't scare me man or I'll shout HELP HELP".By now he was getting angry,he said " GET RIGHT out of my car and don't come back".That suited me fine.I carried on walking a little further where I found a black bag on the side of the road it was 1/2 FULL of unmarked dollars,I couldn't believe my luck.


I wrote this a little while ago,hope you people like