ChloeDancer you are killing me..i hope i don't type this too fast so people don't understand, but i am going to ramble on for you
why do we share such sameness?
i too am saturated with the man of my dreams.... when he is happy... i can feel his smile on my face. when he hurts, i can taste his saddness in my stomach until my own wrenches with his.
and nearly everyday now.... i am sure, he is missing me too. then i don't believe. then i do. then i don't believe. then i do. mine may not even know i am alive. but i love him anyway. why the fuck do i move 2000 miles to have him just moments away.
Believing is the hardest part.
but missing a love...that is torture. the kind you want to cover with the wet blanket of numbness, whether it be drug or excess of some kind....
when i moved to the west coast, i missed my son so much some days, i wanted to vomit around the clock. anything, could remind me of him. i could be happy eating chinese food in a restaurant in fremont where my child and ate on his summer vacation and BOOM!!!! his aliveness would wash over me.... the emptiness a mother feels when her young are far from her, when she can not see them, or hold them.....ONLY a parent can know..
I could miss my friends or an old love (which i thought was love at the time, but now i know it NEVER felt like this), and i felt sad, but this is a different type of missing. .today, i know my son is safe and happy. so the missing is under control because i can call him on the phone,,, i can fly to see him,,, he tells me thru the silver chord connected to him and my belly....and I talk with him and know he is ok...
...but a love you miss that you have never had...
now, there is another who causes a new chasm in my soul. the poet who has lived in my dreams and my heart for nearly 11 years is even closer to me now. he doesn't communicate the miles through the sky into my dreamtime, now you are talking to me dancer and i know i am not alone and you are just like me
only beautiful....and brave and courageous for spilling your soul here. lord knows i have upchucked my heart as so have us all..
xox Gita
CHLOE DANCER
Posts: 44
Comments
why do we share such sameness?
i too am saturated with the man of my dreams.... when he is happy... i can feel his smile on my face. when he hurts, i can taste his saddness in my stomach until my own wrenches with his.
and nearly everyday now.... i am sure, he is missing me too. then i don't believe. then i do. then i don't believe. then i do. mine may not even know i am alive. but i love him anyway. why the fuck do i move 2000 miles to have him just moments away.
Believing is the hardest part.
but missing a love...that is torture. the kind you want to cover with the wet blanket of numbness, whether it be drug or excess of some kind....
when i moved to the west coast, i missed my son so much some days, i wanted to vomit around the clock. anything, could remind me of him. i could be happy eating chinese food in a restaurant in fremont where my child and ate on his summer vacation and BOOM!!!! his aliveness would wash over me.... the emptiness a mother feels when her young are far from her, when she can not see them, or hold them.....ONLY a parent can know..
I could miss my friends or an old love (which i thought was love at the time, but now i know it NEVER felt like this), and i felt sad, but this is a different type of missing. .today, i know my son is safe and happy. so the missing is under control because i can call him on the phone,,, i can fly to see him,,, he tells me thru the silver chord connected to him and my belly....and I talk with him and know he is ok...
...but a love you miss that you have never had...
now, there is another who causes a new chasm in my soul. the poet who has lived in my dreams and my heart for nearly 11 years is even closer to me now. he doesn't communicate the miles through the sky into my dreamtime, now you are talking to me dancer and i know i am not alone and you are just like me
only beautiful....and brave and courageous for spilling your soul here. lord knows i have upchucked my heart as so have us all..
xox Gita