Need your opinion about this dedication.

mad22
mad22 Posts: 82
edited February 2006 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
Well here's the thing, i never wrote something like this before, to make matters worst, english isn't my first languaje (i'm argentinean). But for some reason, i think a lot in english and well, when i wrote this dedication, the words just came out in english. The person to whom this is dedicated knows a lot of english, so if i'm gonna give her this, i want to make sure it's well writen.

So please, if you think this is awfull and sucks very much, tell me. And if you think isn't so bad, well, it'll be nice. Corrections of any kind are VERY WELL APPRECIATED.

The one to whom this is dedicated, is a girl, a good friend, and well i wish i were closer to her, i love her a lot. She started to hear pearl jam because of me, and she likes Light Years a lot. So i will give her the Light Years single along with this dedication, wich i hope reflects everything i just said and other things too, 'couse actually we started being more than friends, but we are cool been just friends.

here's what i wrote:

Remeber my dream?
the one with the distance
Remeber what you told me?
"I hope you find me"

It's been a long way since then
somethings changed
somethings didn't
and somethings i don't understand

I don't know what i'm doing
I don't know why i'm so alone
and i don't know why
you make feel like i'm not
but one thing is for sure
i will never forget you

so i give you this
which i truly love
'couse like someone i admire said:
"if you have good friends
love them while they're here" //note aside: that was ed, =P

so i give you this
a part of my inner self
a part of what's in my heart
hoping you'll keep it close to you

this way there's no distance
that could keep us apart
this way there's no distance
this way there's no light years
between us

truly yours, Matias.-
Egos are left at the door, elitism is non-existant and we are all joining together for a common goal: to raise funds and awareness while living the awesome life of a Pearl Jam Fan.

http://www.wishlistfoundation.org/
Post edited by Unknown User on

Comments

  • coleen
    coleen Posts: 938
    i think your friend will be over the moon about what you've written.

    don't be so worried about the english - you've written this using the one language that crosses all borders, all dialects, religions, ethnicity, national identity and any other little thing that separates us.

    you've written with love and when all is said and done love is all that matters.
  • wolfbear
    wolfbear Posts: 3,965
    Remember my dream?
    the one with the distance
    Remember what you told me?
    "I hope you find me"

    It's been a long way since then
    somethings changed
    somethings didn't
    and somethings i don't understand

    I don't know what i'm doing
    I don't know why i'm so alone
    and i don't know why
    you make feel like i'm not
    but one thing is for sure
    i will never forget you

    so i give you this
    which i truly love
    'cause like someone i admire said:
    "if you have good friends
    love them while they're here" //note aside: that was ed, =P

    so i give you this
    a part of my inner self
    a part of what's in my heart
    hoping you'll keep it close to you

    this way there's no distance
    that could keep us apart
    this way there's no distance
    this way there's no light years
    between us

    truly yours, Matias.-

    It is beautiful. I fixed spelling errors only. :)
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • mad22
    mad22 Posts: 82
    wow, thanks you so much coleen and wolfbear, what you said means A LOT to me.

    THANK YOU!
    Egos are left at the door, elitism is non-existant and we are all joining together for a common goal: to raise funds and awareness while living the awesome life of a Pearl Jam Fan.

    http://www.wishlistfoundation.org/
  • wolfbear
    wolfbear Posts: 3,965
    mad22 wrote:
    wow, thanks you so much coleen and wolfbear, what you said means A LOT to me.

    THANK YOU!
    No ,thank you. I meant what I said, it is beautiful. It was lovely to read. :)
    "I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
  • sistanumsy
    sistanumsy Posts: 218
    thought was that this:

    My only don't know what i'm doing
    I don't know why i'm so alone
    and i don't know why
    you make feel like i'm not
    but one thing is for sure
    i will never forget you

    didn't need:

    but one thing is for sure

    Whom ever is recieving this is lucky.
    Friends are part of all.
    K-The lost will do their best to get home, if they are loved. To our soldiers who have given what they had.
  • pacifier
    pacifier Posts: 1,009
    Very nice. I spotted one or two small spelling mistakes, but someone already corrected them for you. Besides that I thought it was great. I'm sure she will love it, it tells her your feelings subtlely. Good luck to you both.
  • eMMI
    eMMI Posts: 6,262
    that's truly lovely. :) I think it's gonna make her a happy happy happy girl.
    "Don't be faint-hearted, I have a solution! We shall go and commandeer some small craft, then drift at leisure until we happen upon another ideal place for our waterside supper with riparian entertainments."
  • mad22
    mad22 Posts: 82
    Well, thank you so much for all your kind replys. You are making me want to write again, i probably wont, but who knows, may be from time to time if i feel like i have something to say i'll do it.

    Just as a funny thing or whatever, let me tell you, the first 4 lines are based on real facts.

    I did have a dream, where there was 3 diferents situations, and in all of them happened the same thing. I was looking for her all the time, i could always see her, but couln't reach her. That's the "distance" that i mention. So that following night after talking on the phone for a while, before we say goodbye (i had already told her about the dream) i say something like "let's see I if have another dream tonight" and she said something like "if you do have a dream, i hope you find me". It was really special.

    And you know it's really weird, 'cause that was like, you know, a premonition. I don't believe in such a thing but somethings did happen. Like for example, when pj came to play here (Buenos Aires), we both went, but not really sure why, we didn't brought our tickets at the same time, and we try to go togheter but in the end, we met before and after the show, but we couldn't go togheter.

    Since i met her, we've seen eachother like 3-4 times only. But we talk like, everysingle day.

    I don't know, sometimes i ask my self how can i feel such a conection with someone i've seen a few times. Without a doubt is the most weird relationship
    i have (and had so far). I think all of this is reflected in that dedication i wrote.

    and once again, thanks to you all!
    Egos are left at the door, elitism is non-existant and we are all joining together for a common goal: to raise funds and awareness while living the awesome life of a Pearl Jam Fan.

    http://www.wishlistfoundation.org/
  • mad22
    mad22 Posts: 82
    Well, thank you so much for all your kind replys. You are making me want to write again, i probably wont, but who knows, may be from time to time if i feel like i have something to say i'll do it.

    Just as a funny thing or whatever, let me tell you, the first 4 lines are based on real facts.

    I did have a dream, where there was 3 diferents situations, and in all of them happened the same thing. I was looking for her all the time, i could always see her, but couln't reach her. That's the "distance" that i mention. So that following night after talking on the phone for a while, before we say goodbye (i had already told her about the dream) i say something like "let's see I if have another dream tonight" and she said something like "if you do have a dream, i hope you find me". It was really special.

    And you know it's really weird, 'cause that was like, you know, a premonition. I don't believe in such a thing but somethings did happen. Like for example, when pj came to play here (Buenos Aires), we both went, but not really sure why, we didn't brought our tickets at the same time, and we try to go togheter but in the end, we met before and after the show, but we couldn't go togheter.

    Since i met her, we've seen eachother like 3-4 times only. But we talk like, everysingle day.

    I don't know, sometimes i ask my self how can i feel such a conection with someone i've seen a few times. Without a doubt is the most weird relationship
    i have (and had so far). I think all of this is reflected in that dedication i wrote.

    and once again, thanks to you all!
    Egos are left at the door, elitism is non-existant and we are all joining together for a common goal: to raise funds and awareness while living the awesome life of a Pearl Jam Fan.

    http://www.wishlistfoundation.org/
  • lovin kind
    lovin kind Posts: 268
    i love the first half better than the second its more flolike
    but as a whole its beautiful
    thanks to everyone who can read what i write without having to say something mean
  • mad22
    mad22 Posts: 82
    lovin kind wrote:
    i love the first half better than the second its more flolike
    but as a whole its beautiful

    You know i think the same. I always remember something stone said "when writing, being self-consciuos is the worst place to be". I think he's absolutly right about that. When i wrote this, i had to work a little in the second half 'cause i really wanted to mention "Light Years".
    Egos are left at the door, elitism is non-existant and we are all joining together for a common goal: to raise funds and awareness while living the awesome life of a Pearl Jam Fan.

    http://www.wishlistfoundation.org/
  • romybian
    romybian Posts: 1,644
    Bravo Mati!!!!:D
    I love it!
    Whoever gets this will love it too!
    :D
    now show us some more stuff!
    "The joke in your language won't come out the same" (Tom Petty)
    I'm no dude! Dudette!
  • Being Enlightened
    Being Enlightened Posts: 5,746
    It's just lovely! So sweet and full of love, mad22. :) Sounds like she's one special lady. I bet she'll love it! :)
    Forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in. - Leonard Cohen
  • Federico
    Federico Posts: 7,916
    so...all knowledge is but oblivion!
  • romybian
    romybian Posts: 1,644
    Federico wrote:
    so...all knowledge is but oblivion!
    Big Brother's eye........


    :p
    "The joke in your language won't come out the same" (Tom Petty)
    I'm no dude! Dudette!
  • Federico
    Federico Posts: 7,916
    romybian wrote:
    Big Brother's eye........


    :p


    heey..big brother meets little sista!!!

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