I don't want to be in school anymore :(

washedinblack91

i used to like going to school to learn but i'm just done. i think i've burnt out. thinking about grad school just makes me sad. i thought i wanted to be a teacher, i still think i do, but i just feel so burnt out. i feel like, i finally get time off during the summer only to have to begrudgingly go back in the fall and have to write more papers i dont care about and study for tests where i've no knowledge of anything going on in class because the class i thought would be cool turns out to be boring or i just space out. the monotony of it all is really getting to me and because i've switched majors i've added on an extra year to my studies (graduating in 2011 instead of 2010). i was so close to graduating then fucked myself over just because i wanna make the world a better place by teaching. ugh. like that'll even come close to happening even if i'm an awesome teacher. i haven't even been getting great grades, im like a B-/C+student. i just don't care about school as much as i used to. and i sure as hell dont wanna work anywhere id hate. i worked at bath and body works for 3 looooong months and i hate retail. i could really give a shit about someone's dire need to moisturize their ashy elbows. but i dont see how i could get a job doing anything else without *gasp* a college degree.

all i wanna do is live in the city and write my books, maybe start playing bass again and learn how to play my acoustic guitar. and maybe learn drums.... *sigh* off to write another boring 8 page paper about whether or not children are capable of owning up to their criminal behavior. please tell me it gets better...

luvisatower

it gets better.
Grad school is more exciting and focused than undergrad.
you actually get to learn about things you'll actually use in your career.
For me it was more hands on than strictly sitting in a classroom learning about things that really didn't have relevance. I was also a TA in grad school so to me it felt like I was actually already employed.
I'm an Immunologist by training, spent 3 years in research and now am a Professor at a university so my entire Grad school experience prepared me for what I'm currently doing AND still Loving what I'm doing.
Hang in there!
It seems like it will never end, but it will and you'll be happy you stuck it out.

BugzInMyHead

Speaking from experience I can simpathize with you. I graduated with a business degree in '99. During my senior year I dropped my double major in education due to burnout and just wanting to be done with it all. After five years in the "Real World" I decided I needed to go back and finish up with the ed degree. Best decision I ever made. There are days when I wish high school kids would realize that they do not know everything but in the end it is the most rewarding job I have ever had. Keep pushing through I promise it gets better.

washedinblack91

BugzInMyHead wrote:

Speaking from experience I can simpathize with you. I graduated with a business degree in '99. During my senior year I dropped my double major in education due to burnout and just wanting to be done with it all. After five years in the "Real World" I decided I needed to go back and finish up with the ed degree. Best decision I ever made. There are days when I wish high school kids would realize that they do not know everything but in the end it is the most rewarding job I have ever had. Keep pushing through I promise it gets better.

those 5 years in the "real world", were they great 5 years? im wondering if i should take time off between undergrad and grad school. it'd be better if i could just take a year off between junior year part 2 and senior year. i'd give anything for the opportunity to just live on my own and not have to worry about homework... at least for a year. but i expect it would be extremely difficult especially if i wanna live in NYC. i'd have to get some good paying job and live off of cat food to live the life i want... hell that actually sounds better than school right now.
as jonathan larson put it, viva la vie boheme!

musicismylife78

I dont know if its something most in our generation encounter, but I pretty much had the same exact experiences.

I was pretty much a great student. I got A's and B's, my teachers loved me. I felt I was pretty capable and able to do most of the stuff that was asked of me in school. I never was good on tests but, I paid attention, took great notes, and did my homework every night. I was a studier.

Flash forward to my last term in college. For the first time in my entire life, I couldnt convince myself to study. Always in the past, I could say to myself, "you really want to watch a basketball game on tv, but you cant until you do the course work". What was odd about the last term, was that I couldnt convince myself to do this. I remember specifically, having huge, major exams the next day, and not wanting to study at all. Not wanting to study, and not having any desire to. Or another was, I had a major speech to give in class, worth a huge chunk of my grade, and you also must realize I have a fear of public speaking, yet, I may have done a few things to practice, but practically nothing. I didnt really even study. I gave that speech in front of the class without any practice before hand. One of the most liberating experiences of my life.

I also was a student who religiously attended classes. Whether we are talking about middle, high or college, I hardly ever missed class and never skipped. My last term in college, I considered skipping. nothing was making any sense in class. I could study for hours and hours, something that had paid off in the past obviously, but this term, this time, it wasnt making a damn bit of difference. I would study and study and listen and listen to hours of lectures and none of it made any sense to me.

I refer to this time period as my "breakdown" and it was one of the roughest periods of my life. But also one of the most important.

Through it, I learned I wasnt living life to the fullest. And I also learned that though being good at something and being recognized for it, being called a "good student" is nice, but I realized it didnt mean a damn thing to me. I realized in life there were more important things than studying.

I think many people in our generation have this happen to them, and I think its the new "mid life crisis". There is still a stigma associated with it, but I have heard more and more people open up about their "emotional or personal crisis".

musicismylife78

washedinblack91 wrote:

i used to like going to school to learn but i'm just done. i think i've burnt out. thinking about grad school just makes me sad. i thought i wanted to be a teacher, i still think i do, but i just feel so burnt out. i feel like, i finally get time off during the summer only to have to begrudgingly go back in the fall and have to write more papers i dont care about and study for tests where i've no knowledge of anything going on in class because the class i thought would be cool turns out to be boring or i just space out. the monotony of it all is really getting to me and because i've switched majors i've added on an extra year to my studies (graduating in 2011 instead of 2010). i was so close to graduating then fucked myself over just because i wanna make the world a better place by teaching. ugh. like that'll even come close to happening even if i'm an awesome teacher. i haven't even been getting great grades, im like a B-/C+student. i just don't care about school as much as i used to. and i sure as hell dont wanna work anywhere id hate. i worked at bath and body works for 3 looooong months and i hate retail. i could really give a shit about someone's dire need to moisturize their ashy elbows. but i dont see how i could get a job doing anything else without *gasp* a college degree.

all i wanna do is live in the city and write my books, maybe start playing bass again and learn how to play my acoustic guitar. and maybe learn drums.... *sigh* off to write another boring 8 page paper about whether or not children are capable of owning up to their criminal behavior. please tell me it gets better...

Ultimately people can decide what path they want. For me, taking the making money hand over fist, success and status route never appealed to me. And still doesnt. I would never want my job to be only about that.

There are two people, people who go to jobs they hate and are mindless drones, or there are dreamers.

For me, the only group I have any interest in is the dreamers.

So the question you have to ask yourself is, are you happy pursuing teaching? And if not, what are you going to do about it?

Hermann Hesse once wrote "I only wanted to live my life in accordance with my own ideals and goals, but why was this difficult".

---

PearlJamaholic

i was only able to take like a 3 semester before i quit. and i hated working thats why i finally got my ged and went back to school. but once there i hated it too. after i quit it didnt take me long to hate working again either cause i know thats not what i want to do. i dont wanna work construction/factory jobs for money. so now i work and school both part time. i know its gonna take longer to finish but i figure atleast im making progress the whole time instead of taking another year off school, which im sure would happen if i went back to school full-time. this way i dont take too much school or work and it keeps me focused cause i dont hate either.

washedinblack91

musicismylife78 wrote:

Ultimately people can decide what path they want. For me, taking the making money hand over fist, success and status route never appealed to me. And still doesnt. I would never want my job to be only about that.

There are two people, people who go to jobs they hate and are mindless drones, or there are dreamers.

For me, the only group I have any interest in is the dreamers.

So the question you have to ask yourself is, are you happy pursuing teaching? And if not, what are you going to do about it?

Hermann Hesse once wrote "I only wanted to live my life in accordance with my own ideals and goals, but why was this difficult".

---

i've always loved kids, i've always wanted to make a difference, i've always wanted to pass down values and morals. i was the one who taught my cousin's 15 year old friend to open a book whenever he was bored but he used to shrug me off. i saw on his facebook page today, 2 years later, him telling someone to go read a book just like i used to tell him. he listened to me and i'd like to think he's a better person for it. i worked with children, 4 year olds, and they amaze me. i inspired one of them to write her own books. (well, draw pictures and use a word to describe the picture then staple it together to make a "book")
the only problem is, i've never been one to dream of mediocrity. whenever i pictured myself as an older person, late 20s, 30s, i always pictured myself doing interviews on tv because i was an actress or in a band or an author and doing philanthropic work. i've also wanted to live in NYC all my life and im not sure a teacher's salary will afford any of the things i've wanted in life. im not too sure if becoming a teacher is what i was destined to become. i feel like my life is supposed to be bigger than that. i know some people will say that being a teacher is a great gift and that teachers are big things, but im just unsure of myself. i'm scared of it becoming monotonous. im scared of finding out too late that i'd rather be something else. i've wanted to be so many things in my life, i wanted to become an actress, learn how to cook, be in a band, write books, hang out with children. but i feel like with pursuing teaching i'm just going to go through this one door and that's all i'll do is become a teacher and that's that. that for 30 or 40 years i'm gonna do the same thing every day and never be able to go to cooking school or at least try to be in a play or in a movie or something. im scared that i wont be able to do a lot of the things i wanted to do because i'll be stuck behind a desk.
maybe the job i want is to be my own version of bono or angelina jolie, just less annoying.
i'm also scared that i wont make up my mind and just never become anything because i've spent too much time worrying and deciding what to become and never actually becoming anything. i just wish i had some clarity, that i could be something big and be able to influence children, really influence them, not in the bullshit ways pseudo-celebrities influence kids with a hip lesson-of-the-day (since when was it hip to practice kabbala or make "green" a verb?).

i'm just so confused right now :? i just wanna go home and try and become an actress or finish my book or something. i live next to one of the greatest cities of the world for acting and i can't believe i was too scared to try and pursue it. if given the choice, i think i'd rather be an actress than a teacher... does that mean i dont want to be a teacher as much as i thought? got so many questions, dont know who the fuck i could even ask...

can't believe i can write this much about this, but i can't write my paper. guess it's going to have to be late...

musicismylife78

washedinblack,

we sound like similar people.

Its been clear to me since I was little, I was different, saw the world differently than other people, and that all my heroes have all had the same qualities. I have never wanted a job to just be a job, a meaningless thing. I want it to mean something.

I dont think anyone can tell you what to do. I dont think you would want that either. For me, in my breakdown and my search to find my purpose and my calling, watching inspirational movies, artistic movies, reading books, going to concerts and listening to music has been helpful. Its gotten me through.

Ultimately, washedinblack, you decide for yourself. If you want to be a teacher, be one. If you feel thats what makes your heart race, do it. But if you want to do something else, do it as well. The fact you have doubts abut teaching as a career and they fact you express desires to do something else, may be your answer. The answer most likely is within you. No book, movie, or music could tell you what your calling is. You know what it is.

I find and found comfort in the fact so many are just as lost and confused as you and I. Garden State the movie, The Graduate. Hermann Hesse's books. Into the Wild.

You yourself need to ask, why am I feeling burnt out? Indeed school is hard work. Yet, could this also be your body, your subconscious, telling you something?

musicismylife78

what I can tell you is I think our generation is lost. Lost and confused. Its not just you and I who are lost.

I forget who said it, but the quote goes, "our bodies go through puberty during our teens and our mind goes through puberty in our twenties". I am 25 and my twenties have been rough. A period marked by indecision, doubt, fear, insecurity etc...

I think alot of our generation is expressing this in how they choose to raise families. Alot of folks arent getting married and having kids as young as our parents or grandparents did. We are waiting until our thirties to settle down and have kids.

All I can say is, you arent alone, and there are many people going through the same thing as you. Folks who want their lives to mean something. Who want to create, inspire and feel alive.

I spend 8 hours a day at work. And every second is spent thinking, "I know I am better than this. I am stuck in this job, indoors, when I could be creating".

Indian Summer

musicismylife78 wrote:

what I can tell you is I think our generation is lost. Lost and confused. Its not just you and I who are lost.

I forget who said it, but the quote goes, "our bodies go through puberty during our teens and our mind goes through puberty in our twenties". I am 25 and my twenties have been rough. A period marked by indecision, doubt, fear, insecurity etc...

I think alot of our generation is expressing this in how they choose to raise families. Alot of folks arent getting married and having kids as young as our parents or grandparents did. We are waiting until our thirties to settle down and have kids.

All I can say is, you arent alone, and there are many people going through the same thing as you. Folks who want their lives to mean something. Who want to create, inspire and feel alive.

I spend 8 hours a day at work. And every second is spent thinking, "I know I am better than this. I am stuck in this job, indoors, when I could be creating".

Damn that was well put! Modern day Socrates.

haffajappa

wow, sometimes i feel this way - and i'm only in my 3rd semester of being a full time university student.

Heatherj43

I can relate. When I was in college, there came a point where I was ready to go work in my field and felt like a horse at the gate. That last year was dreadful. Hang in there.

yellowporch

ugh i totally agree, right now i should be studying for a huge history final, but instead? i've read about 8 threads on here. I even clicked on a thread labeled "who loves dr. pepper" man i really need to study but can't, i think i decided in my mind hours ago that im just gonna wing it and hope for the best.

I HATE SCHOOL :evil:

( and im art student.. most of my classes are drawing and design based, but those few gen-ed/lecture classes, are TORTURE! :evil: :evil: )

and i always catch myself saying similar things to your " i just want to write my books"
Im always complaining, "why cant i just sit in a studio and draw cartoons all day? its all i want "

washedinblack91

yellowporch wrote:

ugh i totally agree, right now i should be studying for a huge history final, but instead? i've read about 8 threads on here. I even clicked on a thread labeled "who loves dr. pepper" man i really need to study but can't, i think i decided in my mind hours ago that im just gonna wing it and hope for the best.

I HATE SCHOOL :evil:

( and im art student.. most of my classes are drawing and design based, but those few gen-ed/lecture classes, are TORTURE! :evil: :evil: )

and i always catch myself saying similar things to your " i just want to write my books"
Im always complaining, "why cant i just sit in a studio and draw cartoons all day? its all i want "

EXACTLY!
i have a paper due in 2 days that i've done 0 research for, i still have yet to finish the paper i started last week, and what do i do? i listen to music and write up the layout for my book. all of this school is for what? as my best friend puts it, its not like there are going to be jobs available when we get out. i really wish i had majored in creative writing, at least the majority of the stuff i'd write would be fun, not about what these two people have to say about dream interpretation. i emailed the study abroad people at my school and she said that the grades i get now are on a separate transcript so hopefully when i get Ds in these classes no one would care. she said if i wanna apply to grad school then i'd better bump up my grades though a lot of grad schools care most about the last two years of school, right? so if i bust my butt the last two years then i'd be able to get in i hope, i really do.

i hope there's someone out there that can clarify something for me about grad school, if i could possibly just bust my ass these last two years, gain a year's worth of experience, maybe do some summer school or something, and i know my essay and recommendations will be killer, and there are no GREs required for the schools i wanna apply to... so maybe that will make up for the shittyness of my first 3 years :? im scared

just you wait! i'm gonna be a famous person with lots of money and i won't need any of this bullshit! :twisted:

yellowporch

washedinblack91 wrote:

yellowporch wrote:

ugh i totally agree, right now i should be studying for a huge history final, but instead? i've read about 8 threads on here. I even clicked on a thread labeled "who loves dr. pepper" man i really need to study but can't, i think i decided in my mind hours ago that im just gonna wing it and hope for the best.

I HATE SCHOOL :evil:

( and im art student.. most of my classes are drawing and design based, but those few gen-ed/lecture classes, are TORTURE! :evil: :evil: )

and i always catch myself saying similar things to your " i just want to write my books"
Im always complaining, "why cant i just sit in a studio and draw cartoons all day? its all i want "

EXACTLY!
i have a paper due in 2 days that i've done 0 research for, i still have yet to finish the paper i started last week, and what do i do? i listen to music and write up the layout for my book. all of this school is for what? as my best friend puts it, its not like there are going to be jobs available when we get out. i really wish i had majored in creative writing, at least the majority of the stuff i'd write would be fun, not about what these two people have to say about dream interpretation. i emailed the study abroad people at my school and she said that the grades i get now are on a separate transcript so hopefully when i get Ds in these classes no one would care. she said if i wanna apply to grad school then i'd better bump up my grades though a lot of grad schools care most about the last two years of school, right? so if i bust my butt the last two years then i'd be able to get in i hope, i really do.

i hope there's someone out there that can clarify something for me about grad school, if i could possibly just bust my ass these last two years, gain a year's worth of experience, maybe do some summer school or something, and i know my essay and recommendations will be killer, and there are no GREs required for the schools i wanna apply to... so maybe that will make up for the shittyness of my first 3 years :? im scared

just you wait! i'm gonna be a famous person with lots of money and i won't need any of this bullshit! :twisted:

my boyfriend (he posts here alot, we kind of share posting rights lol) is majoring in creative writing, and hes good at it, so he bang out 5 page papers in an hour and can bullshit the whole thing and get an A, but not quite yet has he enjoyed or felt passionate about the subject he's writing about. i think the schools have a plan to make us all miserable to weed us out. it has to be, otherwise why would i have spent $2grand on a class to draw boxes in a dark, creepy room for 3 hours a day. DOESNT MAKE SENSE I TELL YOU!

"I'm questioning my education... Is my education who I am now?"

washedinblack91

yellowporch wrote:

my boyfriend (he posts here alot, we kind of share posting rights lol) is majoring in creative writing, and hes good at it, so he bang out 5 page papers in an hour and can bullshit the whole thing and get an A, but not quite yet has he enjoyed or felt passionate about the subject he's writing about. i think the schools have a plan to make us all miserable to weed us out. it has to be, otherwise why would i have spent $2grand on a class to draw boxes in a dark, creepy room for 3 hours a day. DOESNT MAKE SENSE I TELL YOU!

"I'm questioning my education... Is my education who I am now?"

i get the whole banging out a 5 page paper in an hour, i usually do all my papers like in the middle of the night right before it's due because of my severe procrastination and can get an A also. but that totally sucks that he doesn't get anything good to write about..
and i mean seriously, how come there are so many damn teachers out there who are lousy and idiotic? i mean they have to have gotten credentials somewhere, i just wanna know how they did it because they sure as hell didn't go to grad school. i wanna know their secret so i can become a teacher too and bypass more god damned school. either that or i'm gonna start a band and become big, or become an actress and become big, or become a great author and become big. i don't want to go through all this schooling and end up hating my life because i dreamed too big and fell into a life of mediocrity and redundancy instead.

"I'm a seed wondering why it grows..."

and 2k a class? my god! why are we paying so much god damned money to torture ourselves?! this is like masochism taken to a new level.

Thoughts_Arrive

washedinblack91 wrote:

i used to like going to school to learn but i'm just done. i think i've burnt out. thinking about grad school just makes me sad. i thought i wanted to be a teacher, i still think i do, but i just feel so burnt out. i feel like, i finally get time off during the summer only to have to begrudgingly go back in the fall and have to write more papers i dont care about and study for tests where i've no knowledge of anything going on in class because the class i thought would be cool turns out to be boring or i just space out. the monotony of it all is really getting to me and because i've switched majors i've added on an extra year to my studies (graduating in 2011 instead of 2010). i was so close to graduating then fucked myself over just because i wanna make the world a better place by teaching. ugh. like that'll even come close to happening even if i'm an awesome teacher. i haven't even been getting great grades, im like a B-/C+student. i just don't care about school as much as i used to. and i sure as hell dont wanna work anywhere id hate. i worked at bath and body works for 3 looooong months and i hate retail. i could really give a shit about someone's dire need to moisturize their ashy elbows. but i dont see how i could get a job doing anything else without *gasp* a college degree.

all i wanna do is live in the city and write my books, maybe start playing bass again and learn how to play my acoustic guitar. and maybe learn drums.... *sigh* off to write another boring 8 page paper about whether or not children are capable of owning up to their criminal behavior. please tell me it gets better...

Perhaps take a semester break?
Everyone is bound to burn out after working so hard so long without a break.
I'm starting to feel it at work, 2 weeks holiday in 2 and a half years.
Can't wait for my 6 weeks leave.