why I'll never feel comfortable with church...

CHANGEinWAVES

My ex husband was a born again christian when we met.... I began going to church with him and we made a lot of friends there. In time we separated from the church (I believe it was a safety blanket for him during his fathers sickness and death) and these friends.

Just recently (through facebook..hehe) I've come in contact with one of those friends. It was my surprise to hear that him and his wife are separated as well, we were married the same time though, they have 2 children. She left him, had a boyfriend and then came back again. He proceeded to take the churches advice and forgive her and try again.

Now she has left him again, and left the children as well. She's starting to spend some time with the kids, but he has full custody (she has other mental issues). Well since she's left again and caused not only him, but his children this kind of pain of leaving and coming back on whims... He wants a divorce.

He's talked to the pastor (the same one who married my husband and me) and he basically told him that if he proceeds with the divorce HE'S wrong and HE'S damaging their family!!!!! WTF!

mfc2006

wow. that's a bit messed up. so the pastor said that it was his fault? there's no way that i could even begin to see the logic in that.

know1

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

My ex husband was a born again christian when we met.... I began going to church with him and we made a lot of friends there. In time we separated from the church (I believe it was a safety blanket for him during his fathers sickness and death) and these friends.

Just recently (through facebook..hehe) I've come in contact with one of those friends. It was my surprise to hear that him and his wife are separated as well, we were married the same time though, they have 2 children. She left him, had a boyfriend and then came back again. He proceeded to take the churches advice and forgive her and try again.

Now she has left him again, and left the children as well. She's starting to spend some time with the kids, but he has full custody (she has other mental issues). Well since she's left again and caused not only him, but his children this kind of pain of leaving and coming back on whims... He wants a divorce.

He's talked to the pastor (the same one who married my husband and me) and he basically told him that if he proceeds with the divorce HE'S wrong and HE'S damaging their family!!!!! WTF!

It's kind of a generalization to equate one pastors advice to all churches, but whatever.

Of course, marriage is supposed to be until "death do you part" so it kind of follows to advise people to try and follow what they vowed.

mickeyrat

HMMM , Forgiveness only goes so far , in my book. Fool me once SHAME on you , Fool me twice , contact my lawyer!

milarso

Marriage, in my opinion, is an outdated ritual, and (also my opinion) a commitment most people are never fully ready to make. I realize that about myself.
That being said, if you choose to enter the bonds of marriage, especially if it is presided over in a church, you make a vow to stay with that person forever. No matter what.
In many religions, churches and pastors (or priests or whatever) look at that commitment as being unbreakable. I don't know your friends situation, and I'm not judging him. I think he should do what is best for him, regardless of what anybody says.
But I don't think the church is the source of his problems.
But as far as being comfortable with church, I think they are outdated too.
But that's just me

pearljgirl2010

I've had my share of crappy church-things...I've tried numerous churches and have decided that church isn't for me...if I want to pray to God or Gods, I will. He/she/they know and are listening :-)

best example: when I was 16, my youth leader told me I was going to hell because i had a boyfriend. it was awful.

Indian Summer

This is yet another reason why i believe it's okay to have your own personal relationship with god, and not attend church. I gave up on church 10+ years ago. It's not about where or how often you attend church, it's how you choose to live your life.

CreedDisease

There are so many reasons to not feel comfortable with church.... The worst thing that could happen to God is religion. I went to a catholic funeral recently (I was raised catholic, but hadn't been in years)... The ritualistic fashion in which the whole thing was conducted freaked me out.. The stand up, sit down, say this, reapeat that, chant, sing, hail mary's, eat the body of christ, drink his blood....wtf? I was waiting for a virgin or a goat to be sacrificed...Could you imagine the press that the Catholic church would get if it were created, say, in this decade? Anyway, this guy should think for himself, and do what is clearly right in this case. If he believes in God, he should try communicating with him directly, and cut out the middle man. Humans aren't perfect.

pearljgirl2010

CreedDisease wrote:

There are so many reasons to not feel comfortable with church.... The worst thing that could happen to God is religion. I went to a catholic funeral recently (I was raised catholic, but hadn't been in years)... The ritualistic fashion in which the whole thing was conducted freaked me out.. The stand up, sit down, say this, reapeat that, chant, sing, hail mary's, eat the body of christ, drink his blood....wtf? I was waiting for a virgin or a goat to be sacrificed...Could you imagine the press that the Catholic church would get if it were created, say, in this decade? Anyway, this guy should think for himself, and do what is clearly right in this case. If he believes in God, he should try communicating with him directly, and cut out the middle man. Humans aren't perfect.

I agree with the whole "ritualistic fashion"--it is kind of freaky...i never felt quite right with all of that stuff.

arq

Well church was my safety blanket too, but since the beginning I was couldn't believe the things the pastor said, and all the crazy Christian subculture, really it's another world and a very weird one; I saw a lot of kids out of gangs and troubles thanks to the church, people living better and more happy, but the church is not for everyone, I tried and didn't work for me, I became an skeptic 24/7 and now I'm very happy agnostic addicted to science and humanism.

pearljgirl2010

Indian Summer wrote:

This is yet another reason why i believe it's okay to have your own personal relationship with god, and not attend church. I gave up on church 10+ years ago. It's not about where or how often you attend church, it's how you choose to live your life.

I think you're right...i know so many people who go to church "religiously" yet are not good people...I never got that.

arq

Plus a lot of church goers are just self*righteous people only good for critique and judge the rest of the people who doesn't think like them, they to talk more about hell than the golden rule.

mickeyrat

pearljgirl2010 wrote:

Indian Summer wrote:

This is yet another reason why i believe it's okay to have your own personal relationship with god, and not attend church. I gave up on church 10+ years ago. It's not about where or how often you attend church, it's how you choose to live your life.

I think you're right...i know so many people who go to church "religiously" yet are not good people...I never got that.

sinners one and all.

mickeyrat

here's my logic on "The Church" Set up and ran by humans. Humans are falable and sinful. what does that say about church?

tvismyfriend

Church is a scam. They won't let me believe in evolution, but they expect me to believe that every living human is related to two white people. Where did all the African and Asian people come from?

arq

mickeyrat wrote:

here's my logic on "The Church" Set up and ran by humans. Humans are falable and sinful. what does that say about church?

Amen brother!

milarso

tvismyfriend wrote:

Church is a scam. They won't let me believe in evolution, but they expect me to believe that every living human is related to two white people. Where did all the African and Asian people come from?

Churches, as a small, individual groups, can do a lot of good for their communities.
I don't think any church, regardless of what it teaches, is going to keep you from believing in anything you want to...

mickeyrat

arq wrote:

mickeyrat wrote:

here's my logic on "The Church" Set up and ran by humans. Humans are falable and sinful. what does that say about church?

Amen brother!

And further , the bible , as we know was edited , and other "gospels" were left out by those in power in rome.

Thoughts_Arrive

When I was a kid and had to do as told I had to go with my parents every Sunday.
Now I only go on Christmas and Easter to ''keep the peace in the family''.
And I just stand/sit there wondering what the hell am I doing here?
Sometimes I try not to laugh at how silly it all is especially when the people at church sin outside.

DinghyDog

-

dunkman

know1 wrote:

Of course, marriage is supposed to be until "death do you part" so it kind of follows to advise people to try and follow what they vowed.

is supposed to be? who handed out that rule? is that a church rule made up by a mere mortal man... or is it one of gods?

and people can write their own vows now... perhaps 'death do you part' wasnt even mentioned? it most likely was... but you never know... and its an archaic vow anyway... Henry the VIII used it a few times.

dunkman

tvismyfriend wrote:

Church is a scam. They won't let me believe in evolution, but they expect me to believe that every living human is related to two white people. Where did all the African and Asian people come from?

weirdly enough... and i'm not a god person so i'm not arguing... but every living human actually descended from Black Africans.... and yet we have all these different races... but yet we all evolved from Central Africa...

but to add to your point... if Adam and Eve were indeed the first 2 humans on earth... then how did their children have children? how did the population of the earth start? it would appear incest is the only genuine and plausible theory...

South of Seattle

I went to a Catholic Funeral last week.

I got there early and did the rosary. I had the rosary wrapped around my hand, my hand started to to swell and get lumps.

I think I'm a heathen and the Rosary was garlic like to a Vampire. I'm sure my Catholic girlfriend loves that. :shock:

DeLukin

In my experience w/Christian marriage counseling it's always the man that bears the brunt of the responsibility. Back in the day when my wife and I were first married and went through some rough patches we tried that route and I couldn't believe how I was never, EVER right. Biblically, it's the man's resonsibility to be the leader spiritually and otherwise in the home and if there are issues w/the marriage (or children) it's always perceived to be a direct result of something he isn't doing right. My wife and I worked out our differences ourselves but I think that sort of thinking comes from the very archaic paternal-centered view of marriage that a lot of fundamental churches still hang on to. So, I can see why the pastor said it, but I definitely don't agree with it.

PJaddicted

you have to remember in the churches eye....marriage is for better or worse in sickness and health. Most people will not live with the worse part, and depending on the Sickness ie. drug, alcohol or mental illness, most people won't stick around for that either. Marriage under the church is suppose to be for life, until one of the partners dies. Now a days 99.9% of people won't stay married like that...and I don't blame them, life is fleeting...goes by so quickly, who wants to spend it miserable.

fanch75

I think it's awful that people have messed up Church so badly that it's turned everyone off on it.

haffajappa

know1 wrote:

It's kind of a generalization to equate one pastors advice to all churches, but whatever.

Of course, marriage is supposed to be until "death do you part" so it kind of follows to advise people to try and follow what they vowed.

yes well, it doesn't sound like she took that vow very seriously, which is sort of the point of the post...

haffajappa

dunkman wrote:

tvismyfriend wrote:

Church is a scam. They won't let me believe in evolution, but they expect me to believe that every living human is related to two white people. Where did all the African and Asian people come from?

weirdly enough... and i'm not a god person so i'm not arguing... but every living human actually descended from Black Africans.... and yet we have all these different races... but yet we all evolved from Central Africa...

but to add to your point... if Adam and Eve were indeed the first 2 humans on earth... then how did their children have children? how did the population of the earth start? it would appear incest is the only genuine and plausible theory...

yeah we'd all be flubber babies or whatever



gross !

CHANGEinWAVES

The problem for me is that after him trying to save their marriage and taking her back the first time she left again! She doesn't plan on returning but will not file for divorce either. They are currently living in separate homes and the possibility of her having a boyfriend is there too. But divorce is wrong so she won't file.

milarso

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

The problem for me is that after him trying to save their marriage and taking her back the first time she left again! She doesn't plan on returning but will not file for divorce either. They are currently living in separate homes and the possibility of her having a boyfriend is there too. But divorce is wrong so she won't file.

What a terrible situation.
I hope that he is able to resolve it with her.

_Crazy_Mary_

he never should have married her if she had mental problems. Or did these problems just show up out of nowhere after they were married?
I stand by my belief that people shouldn't get married...