Come on, let's spill the dirt on our F-ed up family issues

Mike Renzella

Here's mine.

My family has always been tight knit. All throughout my childhood and teenage years, I saw my extended family at least once a month if not more. We all got along pretty well besides a few scuffles here and there (and one black eye I laid down upon my cousin once when we were about 12).

Then, in 2005 things changed. My cousin was planning on proposing to his girlfriend at the same time I was planning on proposing to mine. I saw this as a good thing, our grandma had just died, what better way to bounce back than 2 weddings? Well, coincidentally we were both going to do it on Christmas. Even better!!! This is going to be awesome....I'd be his groomsman, he'd be mine, it would be amazing!!! Not so much. I get the call from him on Dec 24, pleading with me not to propose as his GF didn't want her thunder stolen. I played it cool, although I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I explained that no, I would not re-arrange the plans I had laid out months ago. We both propose, and first thing I do is ask him to be a groomsman, he agrees. Doesn't ask me to be one of his. Strange...stranger yet, I don't get invited to his bachelor party, and ever since things have just gotten stranger and stranger. Nowadays, NONE of my cousins invite my wife and I along when they get together, and there is an unspoken tension whenever we are in the same room. Still, I don't regret my decision. Who the fuck asks someone NOT to propose just because it might 'steal thunder' (his exact words) from HIS girlfriend. Fuck that.

Family shit gets so f-ed up.

patrickredeyes

I could write a best seller about my family. LOL

Vedderlution_Baby

Mike Renzella wrote:

Here's mine.

My family has always been tight knit. All throughout my childhood and teenage years, I saw my extended family at least once a month if not more. We all got along pretty well besides a few scuffles here and there (and one black eye I laid down upon my cousin once when we were about 12).

Then, in 2005 things changed. My cousin was planning on proposing to his girlfriend at the same time I was planning on proposing to mine. I saw this as a good thing, our grandma had just died, what better way to bounce back than 2 weddings? Well, coincidentally we were both going to do it on Christmas. Even better!!! This is going to be awesome....I'd be his groomsman, he'd be mine, it would be amazing!!! Not so much. I get the call from him on Dec 24, pleading with me not to propose as his GF didn't want her thunder stolen. I played it cool, although I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I explained that no, I would not re-arrange the plans I had laid out months ago. We both propose, and first thing I do is ask him to be a groomsman, he agrees. Doesn't ask me to be one of his. Strange...stranger yet, I don't get invited to his bachelor party, and ever since things have just gotten stranger and stranger. Nowadays, NONE of my cousins invite my wife and I along when they get together, and there is an unspoken tension whenever we are in the same room. Still, I don't regret my decision. Who the fuck asks someone NOT to propose just because it might 'steal thunder' (his exact words) from HIS girlfriend. Fuck that.

Family shit gets so f-ed up.

Fuck her. Stupid highschool bullshit.

comebackwoman

Mike Renzella wrote:

Here's mine.

My family has always been tight knit. All throughout my childhood and teenage years, I saw my extended family at least once a month if not more. We all got along pretty well besides a few scuffles here and there (and one black eye I laid down upon my cousin once when we were about 12).

Then, in 2005 things changed. My cousin was planning on proposing to his girlfriend at the same time I was planning on proposing to mine. I saw this as a good thing, our grandma had just died, what better way to bounce back than 2 weddings? Well, coincidentally we were both going to do it on Christmas. Even better!!! This is going to be awesome....I'd be his groomsman, he'd be mine, it would be amazing!!! Not so much. I get the call from him on Dec 24, pleading with me not to propose as his GF didn't want her thunder stolen. I played it cool, although I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I explained that no, I would not re-arrange the plans I had laid out months ago. We both propose, and first thing I do is ask him to be a groomsman, he agrees. Doesn't ask me to be one of his. Strange...stranger yet, I don't get invited to his bachelor party, and ever since things have just gotten stranger and stranger. Nowadays, NONE of my cousins invite my wife and I along when they get together, and there is an unspoken tension whenever we are in the same room. Still, I don't regret my decision. Who the fuck asks someone NOT to propose just because it might 'steal thunder' (his exact words) from HIS girlfriend. Fuck that.

Family shit gets so f-ed up.

One of my friends was furious that her brother got married a month after her because it stole her thunder :rolleyes: She was quite the bridezilla on her wedding day...I felt bad that she didn't even seem to enjoy the wedding she spent so much time and effort planning Chicks are weird

As for my family...yeah it would be too much to write here...divorce, drug abuse, domestic violence, sexual abuse, infidelity, sexual exploitation, abandonment, mental illness etc. etc. etc. I'm glad it's made me who I am...certainly makes me value the healthy relationships I've created in my adult life and I probably take more joy in the small things that other people may take for granted.

norm

comebackgirl wrote:

Chicks are weird

ain't that the truth!!


steal her thunder.....gimmie a small break....i would laugh in her face every time i saw her.....psycho

acoustic guy

cutback wrote:

ain't that the truth!!


steal her thunder.....gimmie a small break....i would laugh in her face every time i saw her.....psycho

Hahahahaha thats funny.

LikeAnOpeningBandForTheSun

well my brother is marrying my sister.


stepsister. and they met before my dad married her mom. sooo um is that weird? Its like in Clueless. Imagine my discomfort in trying to introduce them. they payed no heed to my feelings!

small town beck

Mike Renzella wrote:

Here's mine.

My family has always been tight knit. All throughout my childhood and teenage years, I saw my extended family at least once a month if not more. We all got along pretty well besides a few scuffles here and there (and one black eye I laid down upon my cousin once when we were about 12).

Then, in 2005 things changed. My cousin was planning on proposing to his girlfriend at the same time I was planning on proposing to mine. I saw this as a good thing, our grandma had just died, what better way to bounce back than 2 weddings? Well, coincidentally we were both going to do it on Christmas. Even better!!! This is going to be awesome....I'd be his groomsman, he'd be mine, it would be amazing!!! Not so much. I get the call from him on Dec 24, pleading with me not to propose as his GF didn't want her thunder stolen. I played it cool, although I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I explained that no, I would not re-arrange the plans I had laid out months ago. We both propose, and first thing I do is ask him to be a groomsman, he agrees. Doesn't ask me to be one of his. Strange...stranger yet, I don't get invited to his bachelor party, and ever since things have just gotten stranger and stranger. Nowadays, NONE of my cousins invite my wife and I along when they get together, and there is an unspoken tension whenever we are in the same room. Still, I don't regret my decision. Who the fuck asks someone NOT to propose just because it might 'steal thunder' (his exact words) from HIS girlfriend. Fuck that.

Family shit gets so f-ed up.

Wow that is pretty small and petty of her and well of him too.. really. It is always sad when people have to be so petty.

My family issues?? Where would I even start :eek:

comebackwoman

MrSmith wrote:

well my brother is marrying my sister.


stepsister. and they met before my dad married her mom. sooo um is that weird? Its like in Clueless. Imagine my discomfort in trying to introduce them. they payed no heed to my feelings!

Oh we have a situation like that in our family too (well my ex's family anyway). His uncle married a woman...they had 2 kids...then got divorced...and the woman married the uncle's brother....so the kids' uncle is now their stepfather. I'm not sure if you can follow that...but yeah...it's odd

Mike Renzella

Yeah, it was insanely petty, and now I try as hard as I can, but I just see the cracks in my family dynamic now more than ever. My cousins/sister are always making plans, taking trips, camping, you name it, and my wife and I are never invited. That shit hurts deep after a lifetime of being close, and I can't understand it because I was genuinely excited to have them be a part of my wedding and the way they cut me out of theirs, and the rift has just grown so much since, baffles me.

Now I risk sounding petty, but this one single woman has almost single-handedly cut me out of my own family at this point. And I hate her. I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3inputchick

Which bride to be had the bigger rock?

Brain of J.Lo

Ugh, I have heard so many similar stories about brides getting bent out of shape because of timing of weddings/engagements. People need to get their priorities straight. How could something like that be more important than your relationship with your family?????

in_hiding79

patrickredeyes wrote:

I could write a best seller about my family. LOL

you and me both!!

I always think that my family could be the stars of a reality show....Crazy ass people!!

Oh yea, did I mention that I HATE HATE HATE one of my sister in laws....??

angryyoungman

Mike Renzella wrote:

Here's mine.

My family has always been tight knit. All throughout my childhood and teenage years, I saw my extended family at least once a month if not more. We all got along pretty well besides a few scuffles here and there (and one black eye I laid down upon my cousin once when we were about 12).

Then, in 2005 things changed. My cousin was planning on proposing to his girlfriend at the same time I was planning on proposing to mine. I saw this as a good thing, our grandma had just died, what better way to bounce back than 2 weddings? Well, coincidentally we were both going to do it on Christmas. Even better!!! This is going to be awesome....I'd be his groomsman, he'd be mine, it would be amazing!!! Not so much. I get the call from him on Dec 24, pleading with me not to propose as his GF didn't want her thunder stolen. I played it cool, although I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I explained that no, I would not re-arrange the plans I had laid out months ago. We both propose, and first thing I do is ask him to be a groomsman, he agrees. Doesn't ask me to be one of his. Strange...stranger yet, I don't get invited to his bachelor party, and ever since things have just gotten stranger and stranger. Nowadays, NONE of my cousins invite my wife and I along when they get together, and there is an unspoken tension whenever we are in the same room. Still, I don't regret my decision. Who the fuck asks someone NOT to propose just because it might 'steal thunder' (his exact words) from HIS girlfriend. Fuck that.

Family shit gets so f-ed up.

usually i hate petty wedding shit but if you're friends with somebody and you know they are getting married on a certain day, why would you do it the same day? you've probably got alot of common friends and family, so you'd be making those people decide and dole out for two weddings at once

Mike Renzella

Good point, however I thought of that at the time, and we set our wedding to almost a full year after theirs. No, this particular problem had solely to do with the proposal on the same day.

angryyoungman

Mike Renzella wrote:

Good point, however I thought of that at the time, and we set our wedding to almost a full year after theirs. No, this particular problem had solely to do with the proposal on the same day.

oh, just the proposal, yeah thats kinda stupid, who cares

Allie

Mike Renzella wrote:

Good point, however I thought of that at the time, and we set our wedding to almost a full year after theirs. No, this particular problem had solely to do with the proposal on the same day.

Really? You know how many people get engaged on X-mas day? I did. (I didn't get married, but the proposal happened on X-mas day).

This is my philosophy: Men propose on holidays so they can remember what day they did it. So when people always ask the 'when did you get engaged?' they can remember 'the story'

but really, life is short and I can't believe someone would make a big deal about something of that nature. If that is what you make a bigger deal about as opposed to the actual fact that someone is asking you to marry them... imo, that is jacked up.

prljmngrl

My family is fine. My inlaws on the other hand ..... well lets just say they epitomize the term "dysfunctional".

prljmngrl

as for the OP, if the proposal was the only issue then I don't understand why they are making such a fuss over it. It's not like you got married on the same day. Gee wiz. If he wanted exclusivity with his proposal, he shouldn't have picked a major holiday on which to do it. Talk about lack of creativity.

pjfan31

My Grandfather was from a rich family, I mean really rich, My Nana was from a really poor family. Anyway they fell in love. Pa's family didn't approve of Nana and said if you marry her then you get none of the inheritance. So Nana and Pa moved to Sydney together, got married and started a family. And when Pa's parents died they didn't see one cent.

A romantic story. But I wouldn't have minded being rich....

mindi

comebackgirl wrote:

Oh we have a situation like that in our family too (well my ex's family anyway). His uncle married a woman...they had 2 kids...then got divorced...and the woman married the uncle's brother....so the kids' uncle is now their stepfather. I'm not sure if you can follow that...but yeah...it's odd

One of my friends was married had two kids, got divorced and married her ex's brother and had two more kids. So her kids are siblings and cousins!

My f'ed up family? Wow where would I start???

Cateeto

Wow....... Your cousin's bride seems like a real high maintenance crazy. I feel for you and not being able to hang out with your cousin much. I'm going through a similar thing with my husband's best friend, who I really like, but we never get to hang out with his side of the friend group because:

1. We moved an hour or so away (Which isn't a real excuse as we're able to drive and willing to any time!)

2. His best friend has control issues and now appreciates the fact that he's the "leader" of their group when my husband supposedly was before.

3. He has a psycho girlfriend who has it in for me.

Mainly 3 is the problem....

But anyway... My family.....

Uh.... It's too much to write, but there's a few threads out there about my mom killing various pets of mine and fucking with my family function. Family is a trip.... totally.

vedder_soup

your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries...

urbanhippie

My immediate family is tight. We visit, call and most of the time we all get on great.

As for my in-laws...... nah, you wouldn't believe me if I told ya....

Fifthelement

Have you and your cousin talked about what's going on privately? Maybe you should. Although, imo if she is a selfish as she sounds and he's as whipped as he sounds, then it may not do you any good. Perhaps it may be time for you and your wife to move on. Sitting there trying to figure out how to fix what cannot be fixed just wastes valuable time. Think about it, if these people were just friends and not family you'd have left a while ago. On a side note wtf is up with your sister/parents/aunts & uncles/other cousins that they will do stuff with them and not include you and your wife? Good luck on whatever you decide to do, but remember sometimes family relationships can be cancerous. The best thing to do is excise the cancer and heal.

JordyWordy

yeah families are....colourful. most my relatives get on really well in the last 5 years or so since my parents generation all moved to separate corners of the country ...but yeh, uncles, aunties....

secret love affairs, young deaths, emmigration, wasted inheritances, imbezzlement, outright stealing of property from each other, lots of alcoholism.....

my american cousins all get along though so thats nice to see!

we could all write our own books and release them as a collection!!

to the OP i think the above poster is right with his cancerous analogy. family are family but that shit is petty and life is too short to get involved with that kind of rubbish. egg their house and you'll feel better

audiodave

Mike Renzella wrote:

Yeah, it was insanely petty, and now I try as hard as I can, but I just see the cracks in my family dynamic now more than ever. My cousins/sister are always making plans, taking trips, camping, you name it, and my wife and I are never invited. That shit hurts deep after a lifetime of being close, and I can't understand it because I was genuinely excited to have them be a part of my wedding and the way they cut me out of theirs, and the rift has just grown so much since, baffles me.

Now I risk sounding petty, but this one single woman has almost single-handedly cut me out of my own family at this point. And I hate her. I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your family obviously mean a lot to you, and I understand that it must hurt to be cut out like that. But, the longer you leave it this way, the harder it will be to ever reform any sort of relationship with them.

I think you should give your cousin a call and ask him why he is behaving like this. Explain that you are hurt and that you and your wife feel left out, and that your family, which he is a part of, is important to you and you want to have a good relationship with them.

But that's just me.

Chazz

vedder_soup wrote:

your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries...

brilliant

Go away or I shall taunt you a second time........

Mike Renzella

I think it has to do with the fact that my family is sort of clique-y, and my cousins' wife definetely falls more in line with them all than my wife does. My wife tends to keep quiet and not say anything confrontational, HIS wife has somehow taken control of everything our family does, she plans get togethers, she cooks the food, and my wife offers to help out but gets shut out of the process, making us sort of like spectators instead of contributing members.

In my own conspiracy-theory laden mind, it certainly seems like this is long-term revenge for what she sees as a slight against her.

I have thought about talking to my cousin, but the reality at the end of the day is that he is the one who did not ask me to be part of his wedding, he is pretty arrogant in his own right, and I'm not going to have a touchy feely conversation with him at this point, because it would be rather pointless.