Ya can't make everyone happy!
given2fly78
Posts: 404
Every holiday we try and appease each side of the family - mine and his. You just can't win!
Our families live about 4 hours apart. We live about in the middle. We always do Thanksgiving with his, Christmas with mine. You'd think that was fair, right?
You would also think that our parents (mine, really) would remember how hard it is to split time back in the day.
But no matter how hard you try, someone ends up bent out of shape! And holidays end up being no fun due to running around, stress of trying to make everyone happy, coordinating schedules, ect.
Anyone else have to deal with this cluster -F? It ruins the whole deep down meaning of holidays.
Our families live about 4 hours apart. We live about in the middle. We always do Thanksgiving with his, Christmas with mine. You'd think that was fair, right?
You would also think that our parents (mine, really) would remember how hard it is to split time back in the day.
But no matter how hard you try, someone ends up bent out of shape! And holidays end up being no fun due to running around, stress of trying to make everyone happy, coordinating schedules, ect.
Anyone else have to deal with this cluster -F? It ruins the whole deep down meaning of holidays.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
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But now we take turns to travel.
So one year it's at ours and the next at my brothers.
Seems to be working ok so far.
It's just not worth the drama. Hard to get it how you want it but you gotta stand up and say enough.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
i usually do thanksgiving at her house with her family, and she does christmas eve at my parents, then christmas day i am back at her family's.
It's easy for my gf and I. Our families live on the West Coast, so we moved to the East Coast. We head over to our surrogate mothers house and eat there. We miss the family, but not the stress!
"The leads are weak? Fuckin' leads are weak? You're Weak! I've Been in this business 15 years"
"What's your name?"
"FUCK YOU! THAT"S MY NAME!"
As for splitting up the holidays, we generally do easter and xmas with my wife's family, and thansgiving and xmas eve with my family. Sounds pretty fair. But every year my mom bitches about not getting together for easter or xmas, and even though she knows we spend xmas with my wife's family she still tries to talk us in to hanging with them (even though we JUST saw them the night before).
But the worst part is the presents. Every year I say we should just all buy gifts for the kids, and not the adults, but instead take some money and give a needy family a nice holiday. Nope, never works. And my parents just don't understand why I feel this way. But when my moms asks for MONEY to get something done on the house, I just can't stand it cause I know it will get to a point where we all just exchange money, and thats stupid. The kids enjoy the presents, so buy more for them. My brother doesn't care if he gets a few dvds that he would have bought for himself anyways.
We did Thanksgiving with my inlaws. And my brother in law is over from Anchorage with his new girlfriend, we haven't seen my brother in law in 3 years so we'd like to spend some time with him and his new honey. Seems reasonable, you'd think????
He and his new gf are coming over to our house for dinner and an overnight tonight. Well my mom is soooo irritated because I'm not coming down to their house for POST THANKSGIVING!!???!!!
We see him about every 2-3 years. And he's only up for a week. POST THANKSGIVING???
I see my parents about 3 times a month. They live 2 hours away, so it's kind of a haul. And I work a lot too, so I really have to squeeze visits in. But I make the time.
You'd think my mom could be a little more understanding. But NO! It seems very selfish and petty. And it really is quite stressful. And then she plays a guilt trip - she's really nailed down how to play guilt trips nicely.
I try not to let it bug me, but here I am! Bitching about it on a message board LOL!
At least I'm not alone.....
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
I got into this kind of thing with my dad several years ago when I was still married.
When my parents split, my mom insisted we be at her house Christmas morning. After that, she didn't care. After years of spending my time like that, it was always kind of weird at my dad's on Christmas eve/morning so I rarely ever did it.
After I got married, he really started to push "I want you here on Christmas Eve" and would refuse to plan any get together on days that were more than a week away from the 12/24 and 12/25. He had me in tears one year, my ex-husband at a loss as to what to do. I couldn't stand it anymore. I gave in that year and we spent Christmas Eve with him & his wife's family. He lives about an hour & 15 minutes away. A 2.5hr drive to his house in Christmas Eve traffic, including an argument with my ex, my dad's house was total insanity with 20 people crammed in a 14x14 livingroom. Other than spending what little time I did with him, it sucked.
After the New Year, I told him flat out - "we're trading off holiday travelling. I came down this year, you're travelling to my house next year". He blew it off but Thanksgiving the following year came and I laid it out again - "I'm having a Christmas get together on X date. I'm serving food, siblings will be there, we'll have your gifts. BE THERE. If you don't come, I'll mail your gifts to you". He came and from then on, we share the travel and the holidays have been great.
I love my parents but I really felt like my dad was still trying to be "I'm the dad and you will do what I say". You have to stand up for yourself, your family and your sanity. Approach your parents this year and tell them you're having Turkey Day next year. Tell them again in September next year. If the day comes closer and they start putting up a stink, tell them they had fair warning that you were entertaining and this is how you're going to do it each year - trade off. And if they don't come, you'll be eating a shit load of turkey next year!!!!
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
That's the spirit!!
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