a letter...we'll call it prose
xmascleanlove
Posts: 55
this is too personal...i hesitate to share it...but i feel like it might just make you smile...if you can get beyond all the mushiness that is : )P
L,
i'm searching my head and heart to find the right words. the sentimental and divine. seeking out the phrases and putting them together to tell you what you mean to me. what we mean to me. i want to make you cry and smile the way you did on my bed...your arms thrown around me, holding me against your breast...your heartbeat the soundtrack to our fairytale.
we're living proof that it's okay to believe in once upon a time's. not just the bed time stories either...i'm talking the really beautiful, leather bound novels that start out with the word 'once' capitalized with a giant o that takes up the entirety of the first page of the story.
all these years in between...all of the daydreams and fantastic hopes i've had swirl from my head to my heart...they don't compare to the real thing. i'll never be able to tell you what your kiss does to me...but just look into my eyes after our lips part. they'll tell you all you need to know.
L, you are my match. you move me to music. i set down my worries and problems and search for your hands and heart. taking hold of the first and using the second to set a beat and promenade though this crazy life god has blessed us with.
all that i am...the person i've become...you've made me. i picked up a guitar in the hopes of someday playing for you. playing songs about you. you've listened and smiled. my art (or my attempts at art) is littered with your footprints and tastes of your kiss. oh that kiss, moist and tender, i could live off of it for days.
...thinking about it now, i survived off it's memory for nearly eight years...
then you waltzed back. twirled into my life with a starry night smile and carousel giggles. drove those miles in your car to me. let down your gaurd and gave me your heart...in a moment on a night...our lips met like old acquaintences. yearning for one anothers's embrace for so long.
...you took this world in the palm of your hand and made me want to explore it when you touched my face...
girl you shake me to my very core. you level me with your love. i never anticipated it...though i always should have known...no one has ever loved me the way you do. your trust gets me to raise the gravel in my throat and sing you lullabies. seeing you love others...being in the same place when you show your compassion...devastates me.
i am moved to cliche's
...my twisted heart is yours, do with it as you please...
i think back to the past, the days covered in snowflakes...shivering in crummy college apartments...trying to replace you with a pillowcase. oh how your naked body comforts me. eyes closed, precious soul...wrapped in smooth skin. i wild sit, blanketed and blanketing myself with the daydreams i thought were nothing more than wishful thinking : you sleeping in my bed as a sunrise dripped in and slid over the curves of your body. hot chocolate in hand, sipping it and burning my tongue as i tried to type up a story and hide my love for you in the words...hoping someone would see it and bring it to you.
how much do i regret my cowardice...my inability to steal you away from the things that have scarred you and tried to steal the blinding light, like a thousand twinkling stars, from your antique blue eyes. how i wish i'd just held onto you for a few moments longer when we hugged outside the bookstore.
i should have dropped to my knees and told you then and there what i try to tell you now everyday.
you are why i try my love. you carry in you all of my hopes and ambition. you make everyday magic. you make every breath taste sweeter. holding you lights my way...take me by the hand and let us walk through this world together.
i'm saying that you are my forever. inamorata.
i'm saying i desire no other. no things. just you.
i could take you and make a life that would be better than anything money, fame, or success could ever give me.
i take you over all. to have you, when you see me, know that this, this is me as happy as i'll ever be...
...but more, the best is to know you want me...to know that you love me...
i see myself now...almost every night these years without you...taking one hand and placing it in the other...if someone were to have seen me they'd believe i was praying...but i was only playing...playing pretend that your hand was in mine...our legs intertwined...wearing each others hearts with pride.
know that this is all that i have ever wanted. everything else is just table dressing.
know that i will leave the past behind on command if you but ask.
you make me understand. you make me want to explore and be more. so we're trapped in this silly prison of jobs and school...but only for a while longer...and with every day my heart gets stronger...you've been overfeeding it and giving it excercise.
this is me telling you it doesn't bother me. this is me telling you that i will wait for as long as it takes if at the end you'll let me take you.
let's be kittens together for the rest of our lives. cuddling to keep each other warm from whatever winds this world blows our way.
this is me standing up and shouting that i love you. i love you so much L...forever and for always.
this is me giving you my heart and whispering in your ear, "it's yours. forever. i couldn't take it back if i tried."
there are no returns from this love i've fallen into. my soul does not come with a receipt. wear me like the red shirt you bought at the thrift store. we'll be the birds on the front of it...soaring.
this is me telling you that i will sacrifice, compromise, converse, wait, asser, give, hold, kiss, love...
...you...
but just you. forever. long after our hearts stop beating and we're simply memories in people's minds.
lord...do you see what you do to me? do you see what you've done for me...thank you for loving me so perfectly that i sometimes think i can't take how beautiful and wonderful you make our time together.
thank you. let me thank you for the rest of our lives.
i love you
i love you so much
believe it,
A
L,
i'm searching my head and heart to find the right words. the sentimental and divine. seeking out the phrases and putting them together to tell you what you mean to me. what we mean to me. i want to make you cry and smile the way you did on my bed...your arms thrown around me, holding me against your breast...your heartbeat the soundtrack to our fairytale.
we're living proof that it's okay to believe in once upon a time's. not just the bed time stories either...i'm talking the really beautiful, leather bound novels that start out with the word 'once' capitalized with a giant o that takes up the entirety of the first page of the story.
all these years in between...all of the daydreams and fantastic hopes i've had swirl from my head to my heart...they don't compare to the real thing. i'll never be able to tell you what your kiss does to me...but just look into my eyes after our lips part. they'll tell you all you need to know.
L, you are my match. you move me to music. i set down my worries and problems and search for your hands and heart. taking hold of the first and using the second to set a beat and promenade though this crazy life god has blessed us with.
all that i am...the person i've become...you've made me. i picked up a guitar in the hopes of someday playing for you. playing songs about you. you've listened and smiled. my art (or my attempts at art) is littered with your footprints and tastes of your kiss. oh that kiss, moist and tender, i could live off of it for days.
...thinking about it now, i survived off it's memory for nearly eight years...
then you waltzed back. twirled into my life with a starry night smile and carousel giggles. drove those miles in your car to me. let down your gaurd and gave me your heart...in a moment on a night...our lips met like old acquaintences. yearning for one anothers's embrace for so long.
...you took this world in the palm of your hand and made me want to explore it when you touched my face...
girl you shake me to my very core. you level me with your love. i never anticipated it...though i always should have known...no one has ever loved me the way you do. your trust gets me to raise the gravel in my throat and sing you lullabies. seeing you love others...being in the same place when you show your compassion...devastates me.
i am moved to cliche's
...my twisted heart is yours, do with it as you please...
i think back to the past, the days covered in snowflakes...shivering in crummy college apartments...trying to replace you with a pillowcase. oh how your naked body comforts me. eyes closed, precious soul...wrapped in smooth skin. i wild sit, blanketed and blanketing myself with the daydreams i thought were nothing more than wishful thinking : you sleeping in my bed as a sunrise dripped in and slid over the curves of your body. hot chocolate in hand, sipping it and burning my tongue as i tried to type up a story and hide my love for you in the words...hoping someone would see it and bring it to you.
how much do i regret my cowardice...my inability to steal you away from the things that have scarred you and tried to steal the blinding light, like a thousand twinkling stars, from your antique blue eyes. how i wish i'd just held onto you for a few moments longer when we hugged outside the bookstore.
i should have dropped to my knees and told you then and there what i try to tell you now everyday.
you are why i try my love. you carry in you all of my hopes and ambition. you make everyday magic. you make every breath taste sweeter. holding you lights my way...take me by the hand and let us walk through this world together.
i'm saying that you are my forever. inamorata.
i'm saying i desire no other. no things. just you.
i could take you and make a life that would be better than anything money, fame, or success could ever give me.
i take you over all. to have you, when you see me, know that this, this is me as happy as i'll ever be...
...but more, the best is to know you want me...to know that you love me...
i see myself now...almost every night these years without you...taking one hand and placing it in the other...if someone were to have seen me they'd believe i was praying...but i was only playing...playing pretend that your hand was in mine...our legs intertwined...wearing each others hearts with pride.
know that this is all that i have ever wanted. everything else is just table dressing.
know that i will leave the past behind on command if you but ask.
you make me understand. you make me want to explore and be more. so we're trapped in this silly prison of jobs and school...but only for a while longer...and with every day my heart gets stronger...you've been overfeeding it and giving it excercise.
this is me telling you it doesn't bother me. this is me telling you that i will wait for as long as it takes if at the end you'll let me take you.
let's be kittens together for the rest of our lives. cuddling to keep each other warm from whatever winds this world blows our way.
this is me standing up and shouting that i love you. i love you so much L...forever and for always.
this is me giving you my heart and whispering in your ear, "it's yours. forever. i couldn't take it back if i tried."
there are no returns from this love i've fallen into. my soul does not come with a receipt. wear me like the red shirt you bought at the thrift store. we'll be the birds on the front of it...soaring.
this is me telling you that i will sacrifice, compromise, converse, wait, asser, give, hold, kiss, love...
...you...
but just you. forever. long after our hearts stop beating and we're simply memories in people's minds.
lord...do you see what you do to me? do you see what you've done for me...thank you for loving me so perfectly that i sometimes think i can't take how beautiful and wonderful you make our time together.
thank you. let me thank you for the rest of our lives.
i love you
i love you so much
believe it,
A
if you're a pot smoker and you don't own a ukulele you're fuckin up...but then once you get a ukulele you might end up moving to a guitar because its a gateway instrument you know
~ EV 6/25/03
~ EV 6/25/03
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take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green
You got to spend it all
i told her...we're together now...this was just a letter i wrote her the other day to tell her how happy she makes me...and you're right...this kind of love doesn't happen everyday...i've never found anything like it and i'll never find anything like it again...that's the truth
~ EV 6/25/03
well, i'm very happy for you
You got to spend it all
i'm soaked. a drop for every sentence. good god can you write. i'm pretty sure you found the "right, sentimental, and devine words. right now among shelves and stacks of drugs it is you. you crippled me so as that i don't know what to do. i'm running down the wall now. i'm falling on the floor. it's some kind of rage with these wet little things. i've read over and over. i'm going to lock it up so i can funtion. i've got too many hours and pills to go. i hope i dide. right now would be perfect. i don't know what else to do. i wish it would rian now so i wouldn't feel so alone. my pathetic excuse for a semblance of words. i'm so pale. maybe it's the healing that hurts. bloodflow itches returning to my heart. i couldn't imagine my name being on top of that letter.; there couldn't have been any name but yours at the end.
so i'm stuck in these hours. i'm pryin open rotten mouth holes and doing something. healing? isn't it all just prolonging? hours until i see you. it'll give me time to disbelieve until i touch you. cindy lou always smiles, always dry. she riges around on my medicart and watches me torture people. she sees it all and isn't talking. what a super pal. all this confuses me. i'll go do what i'm not paid for. i'll touch that place that needs it. i'll do what people are afraid of because i'm useless and i don't know why. i trust what i feel. t think. i know no more than love. so it's injection time. i tucked that yellow bird away. the thing was pecking at me. lub dub lub dub lub dub. up up and out y yes it flew. so yes.
love ya L
~ EV 6/25/03