The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
brianlux
Posts: 42,006
Shoppers! For those of you who can afford anything your loved one's little heart desires be sure to check out the latest 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog!
Just a few of the many exciting items available:
Item #54-3800760 Williams-Sonoma Snowflake Marshmallows
Williams-Sonoma says: "Fluffy marshmallows are hand cut and individually dusted."
Price: $5.95. Set of four.
Notes: That's six dollars—plus shipping—for four fucking marshmallows. A bag of 50 Jet Puft marshmallows is three bucks at the store. Oh, but these were hand-dusted, which makes all the difference. You can taste when your marshmallows have been dusted by some heartless dustbot. It's a cloying taste, which I why I NEVER serve them at my parties, which are attended by many federal appellate court judges and newspaper barons.
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Item #54-1623164 Monogrammed Steak Brand
Williams-Sonoma says: "Put your initials on your grilled masterpieces."
Price: $39.95
Notes: It's bad enough that the poor cow takes a frat house iron to the ass before being led to slaughter, but now you gotta sign your steak, too? This is what I want to do, and tell me if I'm going overboard here: I want to brand a cow, kill that cow, cook a steak from its carcass, BRAND the steak, serve the steak at a party so that people know it's mine even though they already saw me grilling it, and then I want to eat the steak, shit it out, BRAND my shit with some kind of forged iron shit brand, and mail that turd to the cow's children. You will fear the initials DM, children. They will live in your night terrors.
http://deadspin.com/the-2013-haters-gui ... 1481230580
Just a few of the many exciting items available:
Item #54-3800760 Williams-Sonoma Snowflake Marshmallows
Williams-Sonoma says: "Fluffy marshmallows are hand cut and individually dusted."
Price: $5.95. Set of four.
Notes: That's six dollars—plus shipping—for four fucking marshmallows. A bag of 50 Jet Puft marshmallows is three bucks at the store. Oh, but these were hand-dusted, which makes all the difference. You can taste when your marshmallows have been dusted by some heartless dustbot. It's a cloying taste, which I why I NEVER serve them at my parties, which are attended by many federal appellate court judges and newspaper barons.
*****************************************************************************************************************
Item #54-1623164 Monogrammed Steak Brand
Williams-Sonoma says: "Put your initials on your grilled masterpieces."
Price: $39.95
Notes: It's bad enough that the poor cow takes a frat house iron to the ass before being led to slaughter, but now you gotta sign your steak, too? This is what I want to do, and tell me if I'm going overboard here: I want to brand a cow, kill that cow, cook a steak from its carcass, BRAND the steak, serve the steak at a party so that people know it's mine even though they already saw me grilling it, and then I want to eat the steak, shit it out, BRAND my shit with some kind of forged iron shit brand, and mail that turd to the cow's children. You will fear the initials DM, children. They will live in your night terrors.
http://deadspin.com/the-2013-haters-gui ... 1481230580
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.
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Comments
The beekeeper kit is seriously ridiculous but buying your own chicken coop on line?
The steak brander comment was the best!