Mother's Gone
the wolf
Posts: 7,027
The cemetery soaked through today is fitting.
It makes up for the tears I can no longer produce,
The loss is.... beyond me these days.
Even still, I sat in my car for two days straight,
Arriving when the gates opened, only leaving when
I was told the cemetery would be closing.
I had no place else to go mom, so i stayed with You.
I wish I had been there in your final moments,
I wish i had been a better son.
I wish i could have made You proud of me,
And I wish You could see the man I am today because of You,
Your life, your death, and what both have taught me.
I was strong for the others when You left us,
Just like You asked me to be.
Aside from the one brief moment of weakness when i found myself alone at the funeral.
I've done my grieving in private, I've tried.
Those who know me, really know me,
They know the real fight that I've fought all these years since you've gone.
They know the underlying pain and self torture that i hide,
Just below the surface.
They know that a part, a significant part of me died too on that day,
Fourteen years ago.
I feel as if I've live two lifetimes in the duration.
Or maybe, I've just lived two lives period,
One with You, my confidant, my teacher, my best friend, my mother.
And one since You left me, us.
I've not mastered the language well enough to describe the
Feeling of loss, and desperation I've felt without You.
The sheer agony of being no ones son now that you've both gone.
Uneasy with my own thoughts, uncomfortable in my own skin,
Unsatisfied with my own life.
Guilty that I blame You for leaving us too soon.
And even more guilty that i couldn't help You with your request to end it sooner.
I think of the pain You were in, and how many days, hours and minutes You suffered,
Needlessly, had only I been strong enough to help You.
For that, I am sorry beyond description.
I'll carry that with me, as I deserve too.
I miss You.
I love you.
Happy Mothers Day, and Happy Birthday Mom.
It makes up for the tears I can no longer produce,
The loss is.... beyond me these days.
Even still, I sat in my car for two days straight,
Arriving when the gates opened, only leaving when
I was told the cemetery would be closing.
I had no place else to go mom, so i stayed with You.
I wish I had been there in your final moments,
I wish i had been a better son.
I wish i could have made You proud of me,
And I wish You could see the man I am today because of You,
Your life, your death, and what both have taught me.
I was strong for the others when You left us,
Just like You asked me to be.
Aside from the one brief moment of weakness when i found myself alone at the funeral.
I've done my grieving in private, I've tried.
Those who know me, really know me,
They know the real fight that I've fought all these years since you've gone.
They know the underlying pain and self torture that i hide,
Just below the surface.
They know that a part, a significant part of me died too on that day,
Fourteen years ago.
I feel as if I've live two lifetimes in the duration.
Or maybe, I've just lived two lives period,
One with You, my confidant, my teacher, my best friend, my mother.
And one since You left me, us.
I've not mastered the language well enough to describe the
Feeling of loss, and desperation I've felt without You.
The sheer agony of being no ones son now that you've both gone.
Uneasy with my own thoughts, uncomfortable in my own skin,
Unsatisfied with my own life.
Guilty that I blame You for leaving us too soon.
And even more guilty that i couldn't help You with your request to end it sooner.
I think of the pain You were in, and how many days, hours and minutes You suffered,
Needlessly, had only I been strong enough to help You.
For that, I am sorry beyond description.
I'll carry that with me, as I deserve too.
I miss You.
I love you.
Happy Mothers Day, and Happy Birthday Mom.
Peace, Love.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments
what a tribute
absolutely beautiful
"what a long, strange trip it's been"
I like the idea of the pouring rain soaking the ground as a large substitute for your tears.
1998: Barrie
2000: Montreal, Toronto, Auburn Hills
2003: Cleveland, Buffalo, Toronto, Montreal
2004: Boston X2, Grand Rapids
2005: Kitchener, London, Hamilton, Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto
2006: Toronto X2
2009: Toronto
2011: PJ20, Montreal, Toronto X2, Hamilton
2012: Manchester X2, Amsterdam X2, Prague, Berlin X2, Philadelphia, Missoula
2013: Pittsburg, Buffalo
2014: Milan, Trieste, Vienna, Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Detroit
2016: Ottawa, Toronto X2
2018: Padova, Rome, Prague, Krakow, Berlin, Barcelona
2023: Chicago X2
2024: New York X2