Your ex's stuff...
Ayedavanita
Posts: 1,443
Ok, so say your ex gave you a PJ poster or a camera as a gift. Do you keep it after you break up? Is it supposed to have sentimental value? Should you get rid of it if you start getting serious with someone else?
Say they left behind a shirt or a jacket at your house, a cd or something else and they don't want it back. Is it ok to keep that? Is that supposed to have sentimental value? Should you get rid of THAT if you start getting serious with someone else?
Does it bother you or hurt your feelings or make you feel insecure because your current girl/guy hangs onto things that an ex gave them or left with them and doesn't want to get rid of them?
Feelings and thoughts on this and what the right thing to do is or what feelings are ok.
Say they left behind a shirt or a jacket at your house, a cd or something else and they don't want it back. Is it ok to keep that? Is that supposed to have sentimental value? Should you get rid of THAT if you start getting serious with someone else?
Does it bother you or hurt your feelings or make you feel insecure because your current girl/guy hangs onto things that an ex gave them or left with them and doesn't want to get rid of them?
Feelings and thoughts on this and what the right thing to do is or what feelings are ok.
"You think I got my eyes closed but I'm lookin' at you the whole fuckin' time..."
Post edited by Unknown User on
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As far as your girl or guy keeping stuff that was given to them by an ex I would say the same thing. No point in being jealous, just call it like you see it. If it is a necklace that was given to your girl by her ex and it reminds her of those good times, why would you care? It is her ex, she is with you now. (Now if she still pines for him and you know that --- it is now odd and you should dump her anyway.)
Just my two cents. I have been married for years and together with her for years prior so it has been a long time.
As for a current significant other possibly being mad/jealous about stuff you have kept from an ex, don't let it bother you. If they have a problem then it's they're fault. I dated a guy who hated that owned some of the stuff and I got rid of some of it. I totally regretted it. It's your stuff so you should be the one to choose what you want to do with it. Don't let someone else choose for you!
4/2/2008 - The Center in Vancouver for Performing Arts (Eddie Vedder Solo) - Vancouver, WA
9/21/2009 Key Arena - Seattle, WA
7/22/2006 - Gorge Ampitheater - George, WA
9/1/2005 - Gorge Ampitheater - George, WA
The stuff is not pined over and has NO sentimental value at all.
Thanks for the input.
I kept a pickle pin a boyfriend gave me in 1987. Still have it in my jewelry box. I mean, it isn't every day you get a pickle pin.
I did not, however, keep various personal letters. I think I still have photos around somewhere.
If you like the thing, keep it.
No, these things aren't personal letters or even photos, just generic stuff.
I don't want to encourage my girl friend to be insensitive about her beau's feelings but I can't wrap my mind around why he would have such a big problem with these things and why he feels so hurt over them.
Maybe he's having a hard time accepting that she's moved on? That's the only thing that I can think of at the moment.
"I need your strength for me to be strong...I need your love to feel loved"
No, lol, I'm a girl and by girl friend I mean a close friend of mine, HER boyfriend is the one having hard feelings about her keeping this stuff and thinks it means she's attached to it because of the ex that it came from which is NOT the case at all. I know for a fact that she hates this asshat so there is NO value in it because it came from him, she just likes the stuff and can't afford to really replace it.
:idea:
gotcha!
hmmm...so her new man is a tad jealous...well, then he needs to understand that she is only holding onto the stuff because she finds them useful...as long as she doesn't have his old leather coat, always sniffs if after putting it on, and goes, "this coat still smells like him....ahhhhh"
some guys are weird like that. Has your friend told her man that he has nothing to worry about? If she has, and he still has a problem, then possibly it should be suggested that HE himself replace the things he thinks she needs to get rid of.
- Christopher McCandless
OMGosh!!! What an EXCELLENT idea!! Thank you!
Being sensitive to someone's feelings is a different issue. If a person is upset by material things, there's probably more going on there that needs to be addressed. I think one of the important lessons to learn in life is that we can be sensitive to other's feelings without necessarily doing what they want. We all need to make our own decisions in life and we need to be with people who respect our decisions, even if they disagree.
This thread reminds me of when I was much younger & I had a boyfriend who was for some reason jealous of my ex, who will always hold a special place in my heart as my first love, but who wasn't a good boyfriend & who I didn't want to be with. The second/jealous boyfriend "made" me get rid of my pictures of the first boyfriend. Eventually the second boyfriend & I broke up and the first love was murdered and I had nothing left to remember him by - all given up for a guy who wasn't even around anymore.
If you like the items and use them - and would like them and keep them regardless of who gave them to you, then I say definitely keep them. Further, in this case, a new bf/gf should not get bent out of shape about you keeping the items. In this case, they are merely things, with no sentimental value attached to them.
However, if your main interest in keeping an item is the fact that your ex gave it to you, this may possibly signal that you are not yet over that person. In this case, I would look carefully at your own feelings...and be honest with yourself about why you are keeping items you don't use or even necessarily like, just because they belonged to or came from someone you are in mourning over.