Everlonging

The thing that gets me the most
besides missing just sitting (with you)
is the question: Why did I want to go?

Was that free will? I mean, you had said 
you'd ask me out if I went there
but always liked Courtney if I said no. 

But fuck. That loud obnoxious Oz voice was def not fair game. 
Doesn’t the suggestive part of the subconscious decision freak yOu the fuck out? 
Do you wonder why I came?

And the ol' did I or didn't I bullshit. Was that you? goddamn crap 
that has to run in order to contemplate 
the possibilities when assuming sanity.

Oh yes and then there is the element of complete creepiness of being met in Italy. 
Yes, I want you 
and it's a good question: How will you meet me? 

It's a bit scary considering the breach of privacy needed for that endeavour.

Jesus, I miss the feeling of when I fall for you. 
That inflation was so good until I couldn't bring myself to get up and out of bed and 
leave my kid with (...) to meet you, but fuck whatever. Your friends will kill for less.

You know that feeling just being together. I was complete 
and had everything I needed in that moment, sitting by the pool
thinking how we could stay there forever.

I'm tormented again without you.
Did you go cuz you said you would? Is there more than the charade? 
Living love every day but everlonging ever.