So sorry for your loss, John. My thoughts are with you in such a difficult time. Take care of yourself and always know that we are all here for you if you need anything!
I'll ride the wave where it takes me...
Orlando 4/24/92 & 8/23/92, Miami 3/28/94, Ft Laud 10/7/96, Alpine Valley 6/26/98, Missoula 9/30/12, EV Jax 11/24/12 & 11/25/12, Chicago (Wrigley) 7/19/13, Charlottesville 10/29/13, Charlotte 10/30/13, Tulsa 10/8/14, Lincoln 10/9/14, Denver 10/22/14, Jacksonville 4/12/16, Greenville 4/16/16, Telluride 7/9/16, Boston (Fenway) 8/5/16 & 8/7/16, Seattle (Safeco) 8/10/18, Boston (Fenway) 9/2/18 & 9/4/18, Dana Point 10/1/21 & 10/2/21, MSG 9/11/22, Denver 9/22/22, Austin 9/18/23 & 9/19/23.
I have no frame of reference that allows me to completely understand what you're going through. People are going to give you all sorts of advice... mine is to keep on going.
A friend of mine lost his young bride to cancer about two years ago. I'd imagine that she was younger than many of us on this board. She was one of the most vibrant souls that I ever met. He walked through hell when she died, but he also kept right on walking.
Today finds him in a much better space. He's got a lot to say, he's dating again, and he's started to smile again too. I don't think that he misses many opportunities to cherish the memories that he created with his wife; I just think it's started to become easier for him to do so. I also think he realizes that she would want him to keep going.
While I can't claim to know my friend's innermost thoughts, I believe that he found strength and courage in everything that was special about her, to keep himself going. That's what I hope you'll do. Move at your own pace, but keep right on going.
Just checking in, John...how are you doing? Remember that you and her family are all in our thoughts and you can post on here anytime for support or to "talk" with all of us if you need to!
I'll ride the wave where it takes me...
Orlando 4/24/92 & 8/23/92, Miami 3/28/94, Ft Laud 10/7/96, Alpine Valley 6/26/98, Missoula 9/30/12, EV Jax 11/24/12 & 11/25/12, Chicago (Wrigley) 7/19/13, Charlottesville 10/29/13, Charlotte 10/30/13, Tulsa 10/8/14, Lincoln 10/9/14, Denver 10/22/14, Jacksonville 4/12/16, Greenville 4/16/16, Telluride 7/9/16, Boston (Fenway) 8/5/16 & 8/7/16, Seattle (Safeco) 8/10/18, Boston (Fenway) 9/2/18 & 9/4/18, Dana Point 10/1/21 & 10/2/21, MSG 9/11/22, Denver 9/22/22, Austin 9/18/23 & 9/19/23.
To try and put the last two weeks into words would be impossible. I will say that being able to touch her and talk to her one last time the night of the wake and funeral was comforting. Her family actually left me alone with her the morning of the funeral, ensuring I was the last one to spend a moment with her. It was the hardest thing I will ever do to walk away from her that day. However, I feel her with me everywhere.
My eulogy for her was special. Somehow, I made it through it. I made everyone laugh, cry, and feel better (or so I'm told.) It was the most important thing I'll ever write or speak in front of a room, and I'm glad she gave me the strength to do it.
I will say that spending time with her family and close friends has helped. It's the only time I feel "okay." I take it as a sign of something she'd have liked me to do. She blessed me with this new support group family and friends in my life. Her mom tells me, "I love you," when I leave. She's always referred to me as a son. I never see these relationships changing. They've been a part of my life for so long. If and when the day ever comes that I find happiness again, she will have to be okay with that part of my life and me staying close with them.
Tonight, I'm actually heading to new childhood best friends house (he's a guy) for some pizza and beer. It's healing that we have each other. And we talk about her, laugh, and remember all her quirkiness that made her so special.
Every day is a new challenge. Waking up certainly sucks. Very bad. But I'm trying my best. I visit her as much as I can, I still talk to her, and I'm finding myself most comfortable being around her friends and family.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and prayers. I will continue to need them.
MSG 7/8-7/9/03 -- Boston 9/28/04 -- Hartford 5/13/06 -- Boston 5/24-5/25/06 -- MSG 6/24-6/25/08 -- Hartford 6/27/08 -- Philly 10/31/09 -- Hartford 5/15/10 -- Boston 5/17/10
John, I am so truly sorry. I lost my father, who was like a best friend, in September, so I can empathize with what you're going through. Major loss isn't easy, and reaching out is really brave--and it does help. I created a thread for support when my dad passed and I still go back and look at the responses every so often. The only thing I can say is that I, along with this community, are here for you.
"Sometimes you find yourself having to put all your faith in no faith."
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2 2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
I'm sorry I missed this thread, and, I'm terribly sorry this tragedy occurred and that you must endure it. My heart goes out to you, her/your family, friends, etc. I wish you all the strength in the world. Take care.
(((hugs)))
I'm glad you came back to update. I've thought of you and prayed for your strength. Grief is a process and it seems that you have the support needed to work through it over time. Stay strong and come back when you need us.
5/3/92 Omaha, NE
6/19/95 Red Rocks
9/11/98 MSG
11/19/12 EV solo Tulsa
7/19/13 Wrigley 10/19/13 Brooklyn 2 10/21/13 Philly 1 10/22/13 Philly 2 10/25/13 Hartford
10/08/14 Tulsa 10/09/14 Lincoln
9/26/15 New York City
4/16/16 Greenville 4/28/16 Philly 1 4/29/16 Philly 2 5/1/16 MSG 1 5/2/16 MSG 2 8/7/16 Fenway 2 8/20/16 Wrigley 1 4/7/17 RRHOF New York City 9/02/18 Fenway 1 9/04/2018 Fenway 2 9/18/21 Asbury Park 9/11/22 New York City 9/14/22 Camden
I just saw this thread and have been tearing up at work while reading through it. Everyone's support and words have been incredibly profound so there's not much I can add to it except to say John that I really feel for you and hope that you continue to have the strength to move forward for yourself and for your soul mate. All the best to you.
"The Wild is chasing after me. Hot on my trail won't leave me alone. All I can see is your blood right in front of me, and I can't kill The Wild." Me
John, If only I had some advice that could help you through this time... I can't imagine what you are going through. I guess all I can say is that you are an inspiration to me for handling this situation the way you have. I don't think I would even have the strength to type a word... I will pray for you and hope that all of us can send a little courage and happiness your way... I do know that time is the healer of all wounds, and I hope that you can find comfort in someway in the near future. I am so so sorry for your loss. Hang in there brother.
Further back and forth a wave will break on me, today...
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,718
Your update is very moving, John. Wishing you all the best and that each day brings you a little peace of mind.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I recently experienced the death of my girlfriend, who was my everything. I can relate to you, especially the part about waking up. Those first few weeks, I just wanted to throw the covers over my head and stay there.
It sounds like you are beginning to come out of the pain and shock of all of this, and that you have lots of support from those around you, which is great!! Someday, at least for me, will come a day when I will catch myself NOT thinking about her every second. I will realize that the wounds are beginning to heal and I am taking steps towards my new life, a life where I will carry her love with me. Adjusting to a life without her is going to difficult but not impossible. We can do this.
If there is anything I can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask. We are in a similar situation. I have found that talking about it with friends and family, or sharing it here with this most amazing community, really does help the healing. I am sure I speak for everyone here, we are with you. You are never alone.
I hope last night was a cathartic evening for you. And that the healing holds you tight.
Cheers and be well,
Brian
If you ever want to chat, PM me. I'm here.
Seen the Best Rock Band on the Planet a few times here and there.
I can completely understand how you feel since I too have lost someone the same way. I lost my mom to a terrible car accident on July 7th 2011. I was out of town at an Eddie Vedder show in Long Beach when I got the terrible call from the Coroners office. I can hardly remember the 4 hour drive home and all I could think is I never got to say goodbye, I never got to tell her how much I love her.
The emptiness you feel is uncomparable, it will get better in time but there will always be a part of your heart and soul missing. It is hard to understand and grasp the why in this and almost two years later I am finally coming to terms that I may never know why my mom was ripped from me so suddenly and at the time in my life when I truly need her the most. With time you will heal, you will mend and you will see that if you take it one day at a time you will think of all the happy memories with a smile.
Know I will have you in my thoughts and even I am truly very sorry for your loss.
And he who forgets...will be destined to remember...
Hey John - it's gonna take a long time, but sometime in the future, the good days will outnumber the bad. it's sounds like you have the strength to get thru this. take care, buddy.
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
John - I have never experienced tragedy to this level, so cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. that said, it sounds like you have a good support system close to you, so be sure to use it as much as you can/need. thoughts are with you, your girlfriend, and those close to you.
'98 - washington, dc (tfc) & columbia, md
'00 - columbia, md
'03 - bristow, va & hershey, pa
'06 - washington, dc
'08 - washington, dc
'09 - philadelphia, pa (halloween)
'10 - bristow, va
'13 - baltimore, md & charlottesville, va
'15 - new york, ny (gcf)
Comments
A friend of mine lost his young bride to cancer about two years ago. I'd imagine that she was younger than many of us on this board. She was one of the most vibrant souls that I ever met. He walked through hell when she died, but he also kept right on walking.
Today finds him in a much better space. He's got a lot to say, he's dating again, and he's started to smile again too. I don't think that he misses many opportunities to cherish the memories that he created with his wife; I just think it's started to become easier for him to do so. I also think he realizes that she would want him to keep going.
While I can't claim to know my friend's innermost thoughts, I believe that he found strength and courage in everything that was special about her, to keep himself going. That's what I hope you'll do. Move at your own pace, but keep right on going.
To try and put the last two weeks into words would be impossible. I will say that being able to touch her and talk to her one last time the night of the wake and funeral was comforting. Her family actually left me alone with her the morning of the funeral, ensuring I was the last one to spend a moment with her. It was the hardest thing I will ever do to walk away from her that day. However, I feel her with me everywhere.
My eulogy for her was special. Somehow, I made it through it. I made everyone laugh, cry, and feel better (or so I'm told.) It was the most important thing I'll ever write or speak in front of a room, and I'm glad she gave me the strength to do it.
I will say that spending time with her family and close friends has helped. It's the only time I feel "okay." I take it as a sign of something she'd have liked me to do. She blessed me with this new support group family and friends in my life. Her mom tells me, "I love you," when I leave. She's always referred to me as a son. I never see these relationships changing. They've been a part of my life for so long. If and when the day ever comes that I find happiness again, she will have to be okay with that part of my life and me staying close with them.
Tonight, I'm actually heading to new childhood best friends house (he's a guy) for some pizza and beer. It's healing that we have each other. And we talk about her, laugh, and remember all her quirkiness that made her so special.
Every day is a new challenge. Waking up certainly sucks. Very bad. But I'm trying my best. I visit her as much as I can, I still talk to her, and I'm finding myself most comfortable being around her friends and family.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and prayers. I will continue to need them.
Help if you need us.
~not a dude~
2010: MSGx2
2012: Made In America
2013: Pittsburgh, Brooklynx2, Hartford, Baltimore
2014: Leeds, Milton Keynes, Detroit
2015: Global Citizen Festival
2016: Phillyx2, MSGx2, Fenwayx2
2018: Barcelona, Wrigleyx2
(((hugs)))
2012 Missoula (9/30) 2013 Chicago (7/19) Pittsburgh (10/11) Buffalo (10/12) Baltimore (10/27) Dallas (11/15)
2014 Austin (10/12) Memphis (10/14) St. Paul (10/19) Milwaukee (10/20) Denver (10/22)
2016 Ft. Lauderdale (4/8) Miami (4/9) Hampton (4/18) Philly (4/28,4/29) NY (5/1,5/2) 2018 Seattle (8/10) Missoula (8/13) 2022 Nashville (9/16)
E.V. - 2008 Berkeley (4/8) 2012 Austin (11/9,11/12)
Temple of the Dog - 2016 Upper Darby
You and yours stay in the hearts of many of us
Stay strong and positive my friend
h8 2 w8 for concerts
6/19/95 Red Rocks
9/11/98 MSG
11/19/12 EV solo Tulsa
7/19/13 Wrigley 10/19/13 Brooklyn 2 10/21/13 Philly 1 10/22/13 Philly 2 10/25/13 Hartford
10/08/14 Tulsa 10/09/14 Lincoln
9/26/15 New York City
4/16/16 Greenville 4/28/16 Philly 1 4/29/16 Philly 2 5/1/16 MSG 1 5/2/16 MSG 2 8/7/16 Fenway 2 8/20/16 Wrigley 1
4/7/17 RRHOF New York City
9/02/18 Fenway 1 9/04/2018 Fenway 2
9/18/21 Asbury Park
9/11/22 New York City
9/14/22 Camden
I'm so sorry for your loss. Stay strong and live.
Prayers for you both.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
stay strong
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I recently experienced the death of my girlfriend, who was my everything. I can relate to you, especially the part about waking up. Those first few weeks, I just wanted to throw the covers over my head and stay there.
It sounds like you are beginning to come out of the pain and shock of all of this, and that you have lots of support from those around you, which is great!! Someday, at least for me, will come a day when I will catch myself NOT thinking about her every second. I will realize that the wounds are beginning to heal and I am taking steps towards my new life, a life where I will carry her love with me. Adjusting to a life without her is going to difficult but not impossible. We can do this.
If there is anything I can do for you, please do not hesitate to ask. We are in a similar situation. I have found that talking about it with friends and family, or sharing it here with this most amazing community, really does help the healing. I am sure I speak for everyone here, we are with you. You are never alone.
I hope last night was a cathartic evening for you. And that the healing holds you tight.
Cheers and be well,
Brian
If you ever want to chat, PM me. I'm here.
The emptiness you feel is uncomparable, it will get better in time but there will always be a part of your heart and soul missing. It is hard to understand and grasp the why in this and almost two years later I am finally coming to terms that I may never know why my mom was ripped from me so suddenly and at the time in my life when I truly need her the most. With time you will heal, you will mend and you will see that if you take it one day at a time you will think of all the happy memories with a smile.
Know I will have you in my thoughts and even I am truly very sorry for your loss.
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14
'00 - columbia, md
'03 - bristow, va & hershey, pa
'06 - washington, dc
'08 - washington, dc
'09 - philadelphia, pa (halloween)
'10 - bristow, va
'13 - baltimore, md & charlottesville, va
'15 - new york, ny (gcf)