All you dad's out there...need the info.
myhook
Posts: 284
The wife and I just found out she is 8 weeks pregnant with our first child and I can't be any happier. Of course I have bought about 10 books on what to expect but I am wondering from real life experiences what to expect. Any one have any advice?
Hey, you wouldn't hire a clown to fix a leak in the jon so why do you let these hooligans tear down the biz? YEEAAHHH. I don't care if he is Mr. Notorious BIG, can he croon?
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during pregnancy just be there for her as she'll get tired and emotional now and again.
during the birth i'd personally stay up the top end, not eat much beforehand and invest in waterproofs
afterwards is where the fun really starts... and it will be tough but oh so rewarding... i congratulate thee both
The only piece of advice I can give you is give your wife whatever she needs during the pregnancy. She is going to go through many physical and emotional changes and she is going to need your support and love.
As far as being a dad, each experience was totally different and I am sure totally different for each person. Spend as much time with them as you can (I wish I could spend more), teach them the important things in life and don't pass your stress onto them. They have the incredible ability to tell when you are not happy and it gets to them quite easily.
Love them, love them and love them forever, whoever they turn out to be. You have very little control over that.
ARE YOU KIDDING!?!
If you do that you will be missing one of the most amazing experiences in history. It is the birth of YOUR child! You made him/her too! You DO NOT want to miss it. Take some stomach medicine before hand if you are squeemish. It is the most amazing thing I have ever seen (3X).
Yes, even better than a PJ show.
Be a man and experience it!
I STRONGLY recommend a book called "Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering" by Dr Sarah J Buckley.
What can you expect? The time of your life, really. I'm a midwife and mother of four, so anything specific, please don't hesitate to ask. And a big congrats to you and your wife. All the best.
Seconded. They are smarter than you think they are. Especially when they get a little older.
I would also suggest to not stress out trying to do everything those books tell you to do.
BOS-9/28/04,9/29/04,6/28/08,6/30/08, 9/5/16, 9/7/16, 9/2/18
MTL-9/15/05, OTT-9/16/05
PHL-5/27/06,5/28/06,10/30/09,10/31/09
CHI-8/2/07,8/5/07,8/23/09,8/24/09
HTFD-6/27/08
ATX-10/4/09, 10/12/14
KC-5/3/2010,STL-5/4/2010
Bridge School-10/23/2010,10/24/2010
PJ20-9/3/2011,9/4/2011
OKC-11/16/13
SEA-12/6/13
TUL-10/8/14
Look down. The birth of my son was the most amazing and surreal experience of my life, and I watched every second of it. I am getting emotional typing this remembering it. My wife was a champ that day.
What to expect....if you are like me,
You will be proud and love someone more than you ever thought possible.
You will be tired. Like never before. You will get through it.
You will be constantly watching them making sure they are breathing when asleep. My son is 1.5 and I still do this.
You will get nervous that first time your child crys non stop for about 4 hours. It happens, out of the blue, for no reason (overstimulation maybe).
You will wonder, "am I patting them hard enough on the back to burp, or not? too hard? right spot? "
you will be a more careful driver.
Its just awesome.
There are challenges, but honestly, when itis your child, you don't mind the challenges that much.
First, be there for your wife during pregnancy. Go to her doctors appointments with her. Go to teh birthing and breastfeeding (if she breastfeeds, which if at all possible, I think is the best thing to do), go with her. Be there and be supportive and try to be understanding. I will tell you, at some point during the pregnancy, she will begin "nesting." It drove me nuts, but go with the flow and everything will be ready when the baby arrives!
After the baby arrives, the baby will need to eat approximately every 2 hours....day and night....it is rough. If your wife breastfeeds, the second week will be VERY rough on her....she will hurt, be tired, and not know if she wants to continue. Keep at it and things will get much better. I would invest in a co-side sleeper or bassinet to put by your bed to make night feedings much easier. After the first 2-3 months, the baby will start sleepilng longer, and you will get more rest too.
If you have specific questions, let me know. I'll be happy to share information.
watching a head come out of a vagina isnt high up there in my "to do" list.
i think it was a more amazing experience actually making the baby but there you go
I think it is VERY imporant to immediately give the baby to the mother after the baby is born, and let the baby lay on her chest to learn her scent. The doctor will need to do a brief check of the baby to make sure everything is ok, but DO NOT let them take the baby to the nursurey for a bath, etc. until after your wife holds the baby.
My wife had a C section because the baby's heart rate was getting weak, and the doctor did not think the baby had gotten too weak to handle natural birth. The doctor said that he would sew her up, and put her in recover for a hour, the baby could go to the nursury for a bath, footprints, and all that other stuff, and then once out of recover, they would bring the baby out. We went along with it, thinking it would be an hour tops. Three hours later, my wife still had not gotten to hold our baby. I was furious. The nursurey was short workers and they could not bring her to us.
Moral of the story....insist upon letting your wife hold the baby, even if for only a few minutes, and even if she has to have a C-section, before they take the baby to the nursery to do all that other stuff....that other stuff can wait. Even with a c-section, we could have placed the baby on her chest for 10 or 15 minutes while they sewed her up.
* Take her out for a nice dinner RIGHT AWAY to celebrate. Sell it as "You might not feel like a good meal for a few months, so let's go out tonight".
*During Pregnancy - go out now and buy a cupboard full of snack items. It's different for every woman. I found having an extra supply of crackers, popsicles, Rice Krispies (???) and popcorn to be handy. Make a good impression that you are there to help her at the beginning. Go buy some magazine's, scratch lotto cards etc. Fun stuff she can do when she is lying down and not feeling well.
* Place 5 plastic Grocery Bags in a compartment in each car. These come in handy during the first few months
* Follow her lead on getting ready for the baby. Some mothers want to have the nursery ready quickly - others want to wait until the last possible minute, so as to not jinx anything. Whatever the approach - she is correct. I would HIGHLY Suggest buying 100-150 newborn diapers, 10-20 sleepers, baby wipes and vaseline ahead of time.
* Have a nice present for your wife for the big day. I had a teddy bear for the baby and a necklace for my wife. This goes a long way.
* Bring a laptop with some movies to the delivery room. Sometimes delivery can be long and boring and a lot of waiting. Having a diversion (if this is the case) will be good for the both of you.
* Buy coffee for the nursing staff. I actually bought the whole unit Pizza for dinner - when we got admitted. We got a lot of Nusring attention that night.
* It's up to you - but I would suggest not having many visitors during the first 48 hours. relax and enjoy the time just the three of you. Getting used to no sleep and odd schedules is tough enough, without worrying about making everyone else happy.
* SLEEP WHEN THE BABY SLEEPS - I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH
* Do not wake up the baby to feed them. Some books will tell you to keep a schedule. The baby will eat when she/he is hungry.
* Breastfeeding is a tough exercise to get started. Be supportive of the process. There is not much us Dad's can do here. Have pillows around at all times to help your wife get comfy. (THIS may sound odd - have a supply of nipple cream and gaurds on hand - these things exist - and this will prevent a mad dash to the drug store with a crying baby and wife waiting for you to get back).
Congratulations !
Be there. during pregancey, during birth, and of course, after.
You can't imagien what to expect. A baby will change your life. in a good way, for sure.
When your baby will be born, you'll definitely will know what is love.
2007: Copenhagen, Werchter
2009: Rotterdam, London
2010: MSG, Arras, Werchter
2012: Amsterdam, Prague, Berlin
2014: Amsterdam, Stockholm
I agree...... the first couple of hours of skin to skin contact are crucial. There is a enormous amount of chemical and hormonal activity going on in both mother and baby at this time and it is proven that babies who receive skin to skin with their mother do much better. They cry less, breastfeed better,gain weight and generally thrive better. Even after a c-section this is possible, but you must INSIST upon it. Write it into your birth plan. You drop the word "law suit" around any doctor and they will do pretty much whatever you request. There's no medical reason to separate a healthy mother and baby. Bathing should be left for a few days to allow the baby to absorb the glorious natural oils into his skin. Weighing the baby can wait, as can wrapping him up. He will say warmer next to his mothers skin. Even in recovery, if you want your baby with you, insist upon it and don't take no for an answer. Better yet, if the pregnancy is healthy and normal (as most are)...... don't even see a doctor. Having an OB at a normal birth has been equated with a paediatrician babysitting a toddler. They specialize in difficult pregnancies and birth, and thank god for them, but they aren't necessary in a normal birth. If all is well, midwife led care, a birth center or even a home birth is a safer option and leaves you, the parents, much more in control of the whole experience.
He's a great kid though. It's funny just to sit back and watch him. He's 5 now and I just sit back and say, "Jesus, he's a little person now."
So true... the books are good if you use them as sort of an overview. We have a 6 month old (our first), and while we did learn some useful tips in the books, we've approached things sort of how we've felt was best. If something doesn't seem to be working, move on to something else. Same goes with all of the advice that you will get from your parents, relatives, friends, people on Pearl Jam message boards, etc... For the most part, just say "thank you" and if something sounds good, try it, if not, just disregard it.
During pregnancy, childbirth, the hospital stay, and while your wife is recovering, do whatever she asks... Between hormones, nausea, discomfort, etc., you will get some odd requests, and a lot of times, contradictory demands, but suck it up and get her whatever she needs/wants. Plus it will get you in the unselfish mode for when the little one arrives, and superceeds all of your needs.
Like Nick mentioned, contact is important. My wife had a last minute c-section and after the first few minutes when the baby was weighed, footprinted, examined, etc., they let my wife have a minute with him, then sent me out of the room for her to get closed up. A few seconds later, the brought the baby out to me. For about 15 minutes, it was just me and him in the room, and I treasured that time.... I got to say hello, take a quick picture with my phone and send it out, and just have time together. Once my wife got into the room, she got some quality bonding time with him. But it was nice for me that I had my moment so it was easier to let her have hers.
That first couple of weeks with him was probably the easiest... besides lack of sleep, there isn't much to do (besides the feeding and diapering)... That easy time turned into to 3 months of screaming colic which pretty much made us want to shoot ourselves. Even then, you could put him on the floor, and leave the room for a couple minutes to get something... Now he is much happier, but is crawling and climbing up on everything so you really can't let him out of your sight unless he is in his crib or pack n play. When he starts to walk, he will wear us out lol.
Congrats to you myhook... enjoy every minute of it.
was like a picture
of a sunny day
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln
One more piece of advice.....check out the authors on any parenting books. People have crazy ideas. One guy wrote a book called "Baby Wise" and many of our friends use it. The book claims you can have your baby sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. This book is HORRIBLE!!! It does not work with breastfeeding, and tells you to let the child cry it out, no matter how long it takes to go to sleep, without checking and nourturing the baby. It is bad, bad bad, so don't use that as a sleep guide. Our friends tried to get us to read it, but a bit of research on the author threw up red flags.
So if something does not sound right to you and goes against your parental instinct, it is probably wrong.
I don't like the fact taht people tell in books how to raise a child.
My daughter is now 20 months and everythng's fine. I've never thought I needed a book...
2007: Copenhagen, Werchter
2009: Rotterdam, London
2010: MSG, Arras, Werchter
2012: Amsterdam, Prague, Berlin
2014: Amsterdam, Stockholm
There are other great ones out there but I forget the names right now
All I can say is that if yo are a good person within, then you will know what to do when you need to do it. Its weird how here you are, liveing life barely taking care of yourself and then BOOM! You are taking care of a liitle innocent new born child. Its human nature, and you just end up knowing how and what to do. Read up on stuff like you are b/c it helps but you will be fine.
In the begining, most of the work falls on the mom not so much the dad. She has a lot to do. Just be there for her. Forget the lazy couch days lol.
You wonder what you did with all of your free time bsfore you had children.
Oh, don't be scared. IMO, having kids was the best thing that ever happened in my life. I hope the same for you.
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
The two things I buy for every expectant mother I know:
If you're wife has a sense of humor - this book is a fun read...not as uptight as most pg books. "The Girlfiends' Guide to Pregancy". http://www.amazon.com/Girlfriends-Guide-Pregnancy-everything-doctor/dp/0671524313
Hylands Colic Tablets for baby - really helps with the unknown crying usually caused by digestive issues (AKA colic)
http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=30632&catid=9346
Hyland's other products are great as well.
Again, congratulations!
Oh my god, that's unbelievable!
I had an emergency c-section, too. I didn't get to hold the baby right away, but they held her up for me to see (she looked like a little screaming pink monster...i'll never forget it
It was bad. I did hold up the baby to her face and let her see our new daughter, then they whisked me away to the nursery where they put her under a warming light after bathing her. I asked if I could take her to see my wife, and they said, no, she is in recover, and the baby needs to warm up. WTF? Skin to skin contact is the best way to warm up a baby. I kept going to the nursery every 5 to 10 minutes, and there was one nurse in there, and she could not get our daguther because she had to take care of a premature baby. I still get angry about it. If we have another child, I will not go along with the hospital rules. No one told me about this and I was not prepared for it. I am still pissed off about it.
congratulations!!!!
I know you're asking the dads, but a mom's perspective can't hurt!
The most important thing to do is support your wife through the physically and emotionally difficult stuff. There will be times when she is more tired or nauseous than she's ever been. There will be times when she is more excited than she's ever been....and there will be times when she is more scared than she's ever been! Just don't write off her feelings or concerns, and you'll do just fine.
As far as the birth and everything after....just jump right in.
That is so weird! I've never heard of them warming the baby up, lol. Plus, you're supposed to start breastfeeding ASAP. I only vaguely remember this, but once our room was ready they took the baby and bathed her while I was on my way to my room. Then she was back with us a few minutes later and only left our room when they had to do tests. Even when she became jaundiced, they brought a bili blanket to our room and hooked it up.
When the baby is born, everyone's attention is on the baby, and it will be a little something that will make your wife feel wonderful.
go to as many EV solos shows as possible
take a short trip somewhere relaxing-together
spend more time alone-movies, chilling whatever
take a child care class-this was WAYYYYYY more helpful than any birthing class
suggest yoga and or do it together-it really helps
you have plenty of time to learn about child development
do not feel compelled to buy every single baby gadget out there some help, most dont.
Congrats, you are about to experience one of the most stressful, tiring, and beautiful things in the world
But I did want to say congrats, and best of luck to both of you!!
It's so nice to see people so excited to be pregnant.
I will give you advice from the perspective of a future mother/Nanny who has worked with MANY a pregnant woman..
Just remember that for every feeling of stress you get, you're wife will be feeling the same, if not more.. so remember that you're in it together and arguing and stressing each other out over issues will only take away time from when you could be cherishing the moment. The best childcare is joint childcare. True, a father can't breastfeed, but other then that.. he can do everything else. Your wife will really enjoy it all much more if she gets a break now and then. Share as much as you can, and both of you need rest! A happy mommy/daddy = a rested mommy/daddy.
Enjoy it all!
Take the birthing class. It was very helpful and fun. It was nice to be around people going through the same things.
Oh, and the little blue turkey baster the hospital gives you....its for boogers. I looked at it for about 5 minutes wondering "WTF do I do with this?".
:rolleyes: