little angry poem I wrote
roth102084
Posts: 7
Tell me what you think
Confidence man, no problems of time
Laugh at those with trouble at mind
Dead to me, I hate your kind
Bleed to death and I'll feel fine
Confidence man, enjoy your stay
You wouldn't want it any other way
Smile at this little game I play
Think of yourself, like everyday
Confidence man, your story I missed
Looks and pride, a self righteous bliss
Guilty pleasure, you laughing at this
Suffer down low and thats the twist
Confidence man, no problems of time
Laugh at those with trouble at mind
Dead to me, I hate your kind
Bleed to death and I'll feel fine
Confidence man, enjoy your stay
You wouldn't want it any other way
Smile at this little game I play
Think of yourself, like everyday
Confidence man, your story I missed
Looks and pride, a self righteous bliss
Guilty pleasure, you laughing at this
Suffer down low and thats the twist
Post edited by Unknown User on
0
Comments
so why so beleaguered
he's not a leader
he's a pin headed fuckwad
it's weak. first off, the whole rhyming thing is elementary. second, your words are trite and mundane. third, it is very reminiscent of nu-metal lyrics. so i guess you could view it as a compliment if you're into nu-metal.
another arrogant fucker. Well if my poem is elementary, ordinray, and uninteresting to you...that's great. I'm sure your stuff is better. Let's see it....dickhead
Let those feelings flow & keep working it!
phishgod
i'm an arrogant fucker and a dickhead because i disliked your poem? do you post your poems expecting everyone to kiss your ass? there's no need to gripe over someone being honest with you, and really, you probably shouldn't have posted it in the first place if you didn't want feedback. i could've said it was absolute shit, but instead, i supported my assessment with impartial rationale.
personally, i'm not amused by straightforward and undemanding poetry, but who's to say someone else isn't? i can tell already you would not embrace my poetry, music, or other art because of my demands and challenges, and you know what, i could care less. don't complain because one person did not enjoy your writing, because in reality, there's nothing that is loved by everyone. so my advice is, develop a resilience to constructive criticism so that your self-esteem isn't damaged every time you hear something you don't want to hear.
i thought it was very good.
Would you be able to do me a favor of telling me what you thought of mine??
Young Man, Standing In My Doorway
His Eyes Covered By The Arrogance That Blocks His View
He Believes In Nothing But Himself
He Loves Nothing But Himself
Walking Towards, His Eyes Are Now Blazing With Furious Anger
I Know What He Came For, But Yet I Can’t Remember Why???
Standing In Front Of Me, With His Fist Clenched, Knuckles White
A Energy Surrounds His Body While He Considers How To “Deal” With Me
He Opens His Mouth But Only Mumbles Come Out,
Like A Pentecostal Church, Speaking Only In Tongues
My Enemy He Turns, And While He Tries To Leave,
A Bullet Travels Through The Back Of My Head
But To Say That Would Be The Same As Saying I Shot My Enemy,
For We Are One In Mind And Soul
I See Him But No One Else Can,
No... They See Me.
i really like the first paragraph...
the end is kinda coo ltoo,... it makes u think
Between the emotion and the response
Falls the shadow.