curmudgeoness
Brigadoon, foodie capital Posts: 3,244
I don't know if I ever heard any good ones. The worst ones -- and they were memorably terrible, since I heard them 25 years ago, were: "You're almost pretty, but you try too hard." (Seriously?? F-- you, dude.) (First words spoken to me by some random guy) "Hey, my friends and I are about to leave, but can I get your number?" (No. No, you can't.) (Random guy bursts out of bookstore I am walking past) "Excuse me, do you like Van Halen? I have some tickets to their concert three weeks from now, do you want to go with me?" (WTF??)
Best line probably was "I've lost my buddy, can you help me look for him?" because, yeah. that felt a bit more like actual conversation.
All those who seek to destroy the liberties of a democratic nation ought to know that war is the surest and shortest means to accomplish it.
Ok so I just randomly got this message on Facebook messenger yesterday. No idea who this is or how he even found me. But tell me ladies, aren't you just ready to scream, "oh yes, take me now'!
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,619
"Can I touch you butt" is a pretty funny one. I think I am going to say that to Mrs FMe tomorrow on our getaway weekend. Think I will drop that while waiting to get on the plane.
"Can I touch you butt" is a pretty funny one. I think I am going to say that to Mrs FMe tomorrow on our getaway weekend. Think I will drop that while waiting to get on the plane.
Well at least you ask first. And she knows you, so that's a plus.
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,619
"Can I touch you butt" is a pretty funny one. I think I am going to say that to Mrs FMe tomorrow on our getaway weekend. Think I will drop that while waiting to get on the plane.
Well at least you ask first. And she knows you, so that's a plus.
Maybe I tell her I need to go to the bathroom right before we board, as she is standing in line & then I sneak up behind her and say it in a different voice. I think this needs to happen. I will laugh. (And, that is what it is all about, right?! )
"Can I touch you butt" is a pretty funny one. I think I am going to say that to Mrs FMe tomorrow on our getaway weekend. Think I will drop that while waiting to get on the plane.
Well at least you ask first. And she knows you, so that's a plus.
Maybe I tell her I need to go to the bathroom right before we board, as she is standing in line & then I sneak up behind her and say it in a different voice. I think this needs to happen. I will laugh. (And, that is what it is all about, right?! )
I found it is better to do this exact scenario but instead of asking in a different voice if you can grab her ass to just grab it so they think a stranger did.
Tom Brady & Donald Trump, BFF's Fuckus rules all Rob Seattle
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,619
"Can I touch you butt" is a pretty funny one. I think I am going to say that to Mrs FMe tomorrow on our getaway weekend. Think I will drop that while waiting to get on the plane.
Well at least you ask first. And she knows you, so that's a plus.
Maybe I tell her I need to go to the bathroom right before we board, as she is standing in line & then I sneak up behind her and say it in a different voice. I think this needs to happen. I will laugh. (And, that is what it is all about, right?! )
I found it is better to do this exact scenario but instead of asking in a different voice if you can grab her ass to just grab it so they think a stranger did.
Gently bump your shopping cart into a girl's. Quickly inspect her cart and say "I don't see any damage, but we should probably exchange information just in case."
Gently bump your shopping cart into a girl's. Quickly inspect her cart and say "I don't see any damage, but we should probably exchange information just in case."
I SAW PEARL JAM
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The Juggler
Behind that bush over there. Posts: 47,266
Gently bump your shopping cart into a girl's. Quickly inspect her cart and say "I don't see any damage, but we should probably exchange information just in case."
Ooh, I like that! I keep telling my guy friends to do the old trick of looking confused in the produce section...how do I pick the best cantaloupe? Until one of my jackasses said, "And then I ask to squeeze her melons for comparison, right"? Sure, dear, do exactly that. You're looking a bit pale these days. That red hand print across your face will really do wonders for you. I hope he likes blue, since that's the color his balls are gonna be for a loooong time.
"I might not be the cutest guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you."
I forgot these were bad pickup lines, in which case, you nailed it (not her, though if it's closing time, that might work. Just make sure you've got your beer goggles on tight.
Ok so I just randomly got this message on Facebook messenger yesterday. No idea who this is or how he even found me. But tell me ladies, aren't you just ready to scream, "oh yes, take me now'!
Guess who? Again! This time he asks me "Are you married?"
"Uh no, but you are, for 5 years now. Or did you forget? So listen, I'm gonna do you a huge favor and let your wife know you forgot so she can remind you. You wouldn't want to forget your anniversary, would you?"
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"You're almost pretty, but you try too hard." (Seriously?? F-- you, dude.)
(First words spoken to me by some random guy) "Hey, my friends and I are about to leave, but can I get your number?" (No. No, you can't.)
(Random guy bursts out of bookstore I am walking past) "Excuse me, do you like Van Halen? I have some tickets to their concert three weeks from now, do you want to go with me?" (WTF??)
Best line probably was "I've lost my buddy, can you help me look for him?" because, yeah. that felt a bit more like actual conversation.
Do you work at Subway? Cause you just gave me a foot long.
Do you like pancakes? Well, how about IHOP on that ass.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you.
Roses are red.
Violets are weird.
I think you're cute.
Sit on my beard?
I've never used them before, but have seen them in those "worst of" lists.
Me: Sure. I can see that. Wanna make a movie?
True story.
Want to fuck?
"The weights in the gym just aren't good enough... would you mind sitting on my face while I do some crunches?"
Fuckus rules all
Rob
Seattle
Clarence: So we'd both fuck Elvis. It's nice to meet people with common interests, isn't it? Well, enough about the King, how 'bout you?
Lucy: How 'bout me what?
Clarence: How 'bout you go to the movies with me tonight?
--True Romance
Fuckus rules all
Rob
Seattle
I think I am going to say that to Mrs FMe tomorrow on our getaway weekend. Think I will drop that while waiting to get on the plane.
I think this needs to happen. I will laugh. (And, that is what it is all about, right?!
Fuckus rules all
Rob
Seattle
I keep telling my guy friends to do the old trick of looking confused in the produce section...how do I pick the best cantaloupe? Until one of my jackasses said, "And then I ask to squeeze her melons for comparison, right"? Sure, dear, do exactly that. You're looking a bit pale these days. That red hand print across your face will really do wonders for you. I hope he likes blue, since that's the color his balls are gonna be for a loooong time.
I forgot these were bad pickup lines, in which case, you nailed it (not her, though if it's closing time, that might work. Just make sure you've got your beer goggles on tight.
"Uh no, but you are, for 5 years now. Or did you forget? So listen, I'm gonna do you a huge favor and let your wife know you forgot so she can remind you. You wouldn't want to forget your anniversary, would you?"
Ewwww. Now I need another shower.