Will be married 10 years in December. We've been together a little over 14 years. And to think, she thought I was creepy at first because I was stoned out of my mind the first time we met.
My wife thought I was creepy when we first met, too. Grad school for creative writing. I had a shaved head, wore a black trench coat and combat boots, and wrote comedic short stories about insane men who masturbated with crushed glass and fed the secretions that resulted from their autoerotic fits to their pets.
Don't want to get married? That's groovy, more power to you!
I do have to say though, a good marriage doesn't really restrict any freedom but the freedom to bone other people.
I have to disagree, having been in a past marriage (common law), and having observed hundreds, if not thousands, of others. I found that it did generally restrict my freedom, and not because of anything the guy did to restrict it (that is the one thing he NEVER did, nor did any of my past serious significant others - I wouldn't have put up with it). I found that just the nature of being in a marriage - even the best marriage - was restrictive for me. I don't mean in the "I can't because my husband doesn't like it" sense or anything like that, and I definitely don't mean in the "I want to have sex with other people" sense either. I more mean in the sense where two people have to coordinate with each other, cooperate, compromise. You know, the absolute basic necessities of any decent relationship, lol. I didn't have an issue with this while in the relationship, mind you. I'm actually very good at these things when coupled up. But after my marriage ended, I simply decided that I'd had enough of that, and that I'd used up enough patience for one lifetime on him too HAHA, and I reveled in the complete and total freedom of doing everything my own way, on my own schedule, lol. I'm thinking when a marriage ends in total disaster and heartbreak and overwhelming betrayal (followed by harassment), some people are struck by this kind of relative total freedom in a way that those in a happy marriage with hearts and trust basically intact can't fathom. I still cherish every moment that I have it. And while I was very tolerant, I also didn't miss any of those petty annoyances that come with every relationship.
Some people are not cut out for the single life though. Many people just get lonely and feel like something is missing, and for them, being in a relationship makes sense. I don't happen to be one of those people though. I don't get lonely as a single person at all, and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, so I have absolutely no motivation to get myself into a relationship. If I hadn't already done it, I wouldn't feel this way, but I basically feel like I've sown my marriage oats, lol. Plus, I never wanted children (and am SO glad I haven't brought kids into this world, given the state of the world and society right now. I don't want to raise kids in this environment), so that particular motivation to get married isn't there either.
All that said, I support happy marriages wholeheartedly. It's not for me, but I think it's great if others manage to find themselves actually happy in a marriage (with all the ups and downs). They are very lucky, because a lot of marriages are basically shit. At least half (that is probably a huge underestimation actually) of the married people I know are simply staying in their marriages because of a combination of fear, codependency, convenience, and financial security (and I will say, the one major downside to being single is that it's harder financially).
But hey, being in love can change a person's perspective (sometimes unfortunately). I haven't written off another serious relationship for my entire life necessarily. I'm not against marriage or common law relationships in principle. But if I do get into another one, that guy is going to have to fall directly into my lap and sweep me off my feet and make me go through that love sickness that makes people move ahead with someone, because I'm sure as hell not looking.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Will be married 10 years in December. We've been together a little over 14 years. And to think, she thought I was creepy at first because I was stoned out of my mind the first time we met.
My wife thought I was creepy when we first met, too. Grad school for creative writing. I had a shaved head, wore a black trench coat and combat boots, and wrote comedic short stories about insane men who masturbated with crushed glass and fed the secretions that resulted from their autoerotic fits to their pets.
What a judgmental twat she was back then.
So we are all just gonna let this post go?
That would be an odd SNL sketch.
Well...knowing DK, it's not that shocking of a post
I didn't get married until 33. 33 yrs of caring only for myself and then introducing wife and child to the mix took several years for me to get used to. I don't feel as selfish now. nor as free
The worst of times..they don't phase me, even if I look and act really crazy.
F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,617
It was harder financially single?
Shit, I would have money to wipe my ass with as I did pretty much whatever I pleased if I didn't have a wife and two kids to pay for and plan ahead for. I'm still very much happy with what I have.
Wait, it only seems like 300 years. In LA lots of people ask - is this your second marriage? Nope, it's my first and we're still married. Not always perfect, but we compliment each other very well. And he still makes me laugh.
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,682
I always recommend people either get married or not get married.
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.
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hedonist
standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
Wait, it only seems like 300 years. In LA lots of people ask - is this your second marriage? Nope, it's my first and we're still married. Not always perfect, but we compliment each other very well. And he still makes me laugh.
A huge key to it all, E.
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curmudgeoness
Brigadoon, foodie capital Posts: 3,226
Wait, it only seems like 300 years. In LA lots of people ask - is this your second marriage? Nope, it's my first and we're still married. Not always perfect, but we compliment each other very well. And he still makes me laugh.
Mine seems to be perpetually twelve years old; I guess he'll keep us young. Married 23 years; met 24 years ago (love at frst sight -- it does happen!). There have been ups and downs, gutter balls and strikes, more ups than downs. I'd say it's easier now that the kids are grown; once eldest child was launched and the dust settled, we both were relieved to find that we still like each other. :-) Trust, communication, and respect are important.
All those who seek to destroy the liberties of a democratic nation ought to know that war is the surest and shortest means to accomplish it.
Shit, I would have money to wipe my ass with as I did pretty much whatever I pleased if I didn't have a wife and two kids to pay for and plan ahead for. I'm still very much happy with what I have.
I mean it's much harder not to have two incomes instead of one in a childless household. Of course it's harder financially if there are kids and one parent stays at home. Also, I'm speaking as a Vancouverite, where the average price of a home is over $1M (benchmark just for apartments is $600K), and the average rent for a one bedroom apartment is about $1995, while the average salary is only about $43K. Not splitting the rent/mortgage and bills with someone is really tough here.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,617
Average price is over 1MM Canadian? I knew it was expensive (and I like the city, had a great visit) but that is crazy. No frigging way it is worth it.
Average price is over 1MM Canadian? I knew it was expensive (and I like the city, had a great visit) but that is crazy. No frigging way it is worth it.
Crazy indeed. Even crazier: the average price of a detached home is $1.8M. Things are going to start falllng apart soon. The fucked up housing market is really screwing with the economy and the demographics. We're close to a kind of tipping point, where employers are starting to be unable to find employees because nobody who does all the work can afford to live here. Businesses are starting to close for a few days a week just because they can't find enough staff to stay open, and of course they can't afford to pay them more because nobody can afford to pay more for their services either. It's a take-over by the rich combined with a credit/over-extension crisis. Some are even starting to say it's turning into an "economic apartheid", and that's a pretty apt phrase TBH. And the whole thing is starting to make everyone besides the rich and baby boomers who paid off their mortgages years ago and who have solid pensions all bitter and pissy.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
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F Me In The Brain
this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,617
I imagine the people who bought years ago are excited as can be. Sell, Mortimer, sell!
I imagine the people who bought years ago are excited as can be. Sell, Mortimer, sell!
Yup! My parents still live in the home I was born into - they had it built on a nice large property in a close suburb in the early 70s for $40,000, lol. It's now valued at a cool $1.2M, and it's not even in Vancouver proper. So I'll get half of that at least... might be enough for a down-payment on a one bedroom condo by the time they pass away. Either that, or the market will crash before then, and I still won't have to worry. Many people are actually praying for the bubble to burst, too bad so sad for the home owners who bought in after the market went nuts. The current state of affairs is beyond unsustainable. Oh, and did I mention that rental availability rates are at 0.1%? 200 people will show up for one 1-bedroom apartment that is available for a rate that isn't completely out of control, and it turns into a "how many months can I pay for upfront" war. This place is beautiful, but it sucks shit, lol.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Married for almost 7 years, together for almost 11 years. Couldn't imagine life without my wife! We had met a few times earlier, but we first started chatting at some of the 2006 shows!
I guess, but it's not the same. That crisis was basically caused by lack of banking regulations. That is not the situation here. Our problem is simply a supply and demand one: very rich people, many of whom (at about 15% of the market right now I think) are from overseas, are buying up all the property and are willing to pay insane amounts for it. We're at the point where a home listed (relatively cheaply) for $750,000 will actually go for over $1M after a bidding war. That plus a failure to keep up with that demand is what has driven the prices sky high (although the prices still wouldn't drop if supply increased just
because there are that many rich people looking at the city's housing as
pure investment opportunities instead of as homes for humans to live
in. The rate of multi-home ownership in this city is insane - many of those homes sit empty, even after an empty home tax was brought in last year to try and help the rental availability crisis). The overextended people are indeed going to be in some trouble, but unless they had variable mortgages, foreclosure on homes aren't a really big issue. Also, because of that huge foreign market influence and the buying power of the top earning 5%, even if the regional or national economy suffers a major recession, the Vancouver housing market won't pop anyhow - all that Chinese money will continue flowing in, much of it corrupt - Vancouver is also often called the biggest money laundering city in the world. So having our housing bubble pop is pretty much a pipe dream. It's shitty to see the city I was born in turn into such a shit show.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
Will be married for 5 years in October. We've been together for around 14 years (had some on/off phases back when we were in college and the couple years after that). Have an 8 month old son and will be looking to add to that soon! Life is good. Except paying for daycare...that is not good. Fuck me!
Wait, it only seems like 300 years. In LA lots of people ask - is this your second marriage? Nope, it's my first and we're still married. Not always perfect, but we compliment each other very well. And he still makes me laugh.
A huge key to it all, E.
I'm impressed--I tell people we've been married only 150.
I didn't have much sense of time when I was younger. I thought people who'd been married 20 years had been together a looooong time. Like Lizard said above, I wonder where the years have gone.
And I often comment that my husband still knows how to make me laugh, every day. It's gotten us through a lot.
Comments
So we are all just gonna let this post go?
That would be an odd SNL sketch.
Some people are not cut out for the single life though. Many people just get lonely and feel like something is missing, and for them, being in a relationship makes sense. I don't happen to be one of those people though. I don't get lonely as a single person at all, and don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, so I have absolutely no motivation to get myself into a relationship. If I hadn't already done it, I wouldn't feel this way, but I basically feel like I've sown my marriage oats, lol. Plus, I never wanted children (and am SO glad I haven't brought kids into this world, given the state of the world and society right now. I don't want to raise kids in this environment), so that particular motivation to get married isn't there either.
All that said, I support happy marriages wholeheartedly. It's not for me, but I think it's great if others manage to find themselves actually happy in a marriage (with all the ups and downs). They are very lucky, because a lot of marriages are basically shit. At least half (that is probably a huge underestimation actually) of the married people I know are simply staying in their marriages because of a combination of fear, codependency, convenience, and financial security (and I will say, the one major downside to being single is that it's harder financially).
But hey, being in love can change a person's perspective (sometimes unfortunately). I haven't written off another serious relationship for my entire life necessarily. I'm not against marriage or common law relationships in principle. But if I do get into another one, that guy is going to have to fall directly into my lap and sweep me off my feet and make me go through that love sickness that makes people move ahead with someone, because I'm sure as hell not looking.
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
even if I look and act really crazy.
8/28/98- Camden, NJ
10/31/09- Philly
5/21/10- NYC
9/2/12- Philly, PA
7/19/13- Wrigley
10/19/13- Brooklyn, NY
10/21/13- Philly, PA
10/22/13- Philly, PA
10/27/13- Baltimore, MD
Tres Mts.- 3/23/11- Philly
Eddie Vedder- 6/25/11- Philly
Shit, I would have money to wipe my ass with as I did pretty much whatever I pleased if I didn't have a wife and two kids to pay for and plan ahead for.
I'm still very much happy with what I have.
She won't let go after 23 years of hell
Let me go
Wait, it only seems like 300 years. In LA lots of people ask - is this your second marriage? Nope, it's my first and we're still married. Not always perfect, but we compliment each other very well. And he still makes me laugh.
Married 23 years; met 24 years ago (love at frst sight -- it does happen!). There have been ups and downs, gutter balls and strikes, more ups than downs. I'd say it's easier now that the kids are grown; once eldest child was launched and the dust settled, we both were relieved to find that we still like each other. :-)
Trust, communication, and respect are important.
Sell, Mortimer, sell!
Couldn't imagine life without my wife!
We had met a few times earlier, but we first started chatting at some of the 2006 shows!
I didn't have much sense of time when I was younger. I thought people who'd been married 20 years had been together a looooong time. Like Lizard said above, I wonder where the years have gone.
And I often comment that my husband still knows how to make me laugh, every day. It's gotten us through a lot.