living every second with pearl jam

this is something i put together a while ago, a story told with pearl jam lyrics, my story to be exact. eddie said it all when he said "makes much more sense to live in the present tense", but there are just some days that bring back memories like big waves, and you can't stand against them. this is one of those days and i'll like to share this story with people who can appreciate it the most, pearl jam fans. thank you for reading...

-bertan

(*'s mean that it's a different song after the mark)

paint a picture visions only grey. light your pillow. lay back. watch the flames. i'll tell a story but no one would listen that long:* the sun was in clouds, the sun looked out. exposed a trail of mist and spouts.* shaft of a light. a warm breath.* i hold your head deep in my arms. my fingertips they close your eyes.* hail hail the lucky ones. i refer to those in love. oh, how i'll love you til the day i die and beyond. are we going to the same place? if so can i come?* there's a cloud, but the water remains calm. reaching in the suns fingers clutch the dawn to pass.* hold on to the thread, the currents will shift.* the shades go down, it's in her head. can't deny there's something wrong...* what are you running from? taking pills to get along. creating walls to call your own.* can't let you go, too important to me, too important to us, we'd be lost without you. baby let yourself fall, i'm right below you now.* i will light the match this morning so i won't be alone. watch as she lies silent, for soon that will be gone.* why would you wanna hurt me? so frightened of your pain.* me you, you me, it's all related, what's a boy to do?* alone in a corridor, waiting, locked out. a wave came crashing like a fist to the jaw.* winded is the sailor drifting by the storm. wounded is the organ he left all bloodied on the shore. little secrets, tremors, turned to quake. the smallest oceans still get big big waves.* i let go of a rope, thinking that's what held me back. and in time i've realized, it's now wrapped around my neck.* i miss you already, i miss you always. i miss you already, i miss you all day. this is how i feel.*

the direction of the eye, so misleading. the defection of the soul, nauseously quick.* how good is he? how warm are his eyes?* how quick the sun can, drop away? and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass of what was everything. all the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything. all the love gone bad turned my world to black. tattooed all i see, all that i am, all i’ll ever be. i know someday you’ll have a beautiful life, i know you’ll be a star in somebody else’s sky, but why, why, why can’t it be, why can’t it be mine? we belong together. we belong together...* i couldn't breathe, holdin' me down. hand on my face pushed to the ground.* in too deep, can't touch the bottom.* once upon a time i could love myself, once upon a time i could love you.* waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop.* don't need a raincoat, i'm already wet. don't need a bandage, there's too much blood. after a while seems to roll right off.* so much talk it makes no sense at all. my senses have gone awol.* and the barrel waits, trigger shakes, aimed right at my head. won't you help me? help me from myself...*

have a drink, they're buying. bottom of bottle of denial.* first comes love and then comes pain, let the games begin.* with heavy breath awakened regrets. back pages and days alone that could have been spent together, but we were miles apart. every inch between us becomes light years now. and wherever you've gone and wherever we might go, it don't seem fair, you seemed to like it here.* once divided, nothing left to subtract. some words when spoken can't be taken back. walks on his own, with thoughts he can't help thinking.* i don't want to think, i want to feel,* so i'll just lie alone and wait for the dream where i'm not ugly and you're looking at me.* what i'm waiting for is the real possibility i may meet you in my dream. and sometimes you're there, and you're talking back to me. come the morning i could swear you're next to me.* the morning light don't show you near. you can't know what it's like to bleed from here.* i am myself like you somehow. i'll wait up in the dark for you to speak to me. how i've opened up. release me.* i swear i never took it for granted.* i know life would be different had i held on, i know i could be something had i held on.* i wish i was the verb "to trust" and never let you down.* things were different then. all is different now. i tried to explain. somehow.* all these moments that i've missed. please forgive me, won't you dear? you're an angel when you sleep. how i want your soul to keep on, and on, around the bend.*

if she's not forgotten, he's haunted. if just one wish could bring her back, it's sent.* there is a vision and a fire in me. i keep the memory of you and me inside.* but still something's missing. i cannot say.* i swear i recognize your breath. memories, like fingerprints, are slowly raising.* i take your entrance back, can't let you roam inside my head.* wash my love, wash my love.* the man upstairs is used to all of this noise, i'm through with screaming.* to myself i surrender, to the one i'll never please. but i still try to run on, no i still try to run on. but it's all or none.* and the feeling, it gets left behind. the sorrow grows bigger when the sorrow's denied. i only know my mind, i am mine.*

hold my hand. walk beside me. i just need to say:* "i turned my back, now there's no turning back". no matter how cold the winter, there's a springtime ahead.* i've had enough, said enough, felt enough, i'm fine now.* i am myself like you somehow. i'll ride the wave where it takes me. i'll hold the pain. release me.* i'll decide, take the dive. take my time, not my life.* speaking as a child of the 90's,* i got a glimpse of my inner sense. got back my innocence. still got it. still got it.*

son, she said, have i got a little story for you:* "do you see the way that tree bends? does it inspire? leaning out to catch the sun's rays, a lesson to be applied. are you getting something out of this all-encompassing trip? you can spend your time alone, re-digesting past regrets. or you can come to terms and realize you're the only one who can't forgive yourself." makes much more sense, to live in the present tense.* and the sky breaks at dawn; shedding light upon this town. they’ll all come around cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow. goodbye for now...*