Fenway Review Pt. 1, 2, 3.... a 6 part series

BlackCircle

SMILE BOSTON

Updated: 12 minutes ago

We Have Been Given to Fly

PART I of VI

***PLEASE NOTE: REVIEWS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY...THIS IS NOT AN ACCURATE PORTRAIT OF THE CONCERT***

Real reviews of the show can be found elsewhere.

If you have misplaced your sense of humor or you are the type of person who barks back at dogs, please consult your doctor before reading further.

Due to massive hangovers in Boston, this review has been delayed. Because of lack of sleep and the wife not being super excited she couldn't attend, I don't have the time to complete this all right now...

.

Please enjoy.

Pearl Jam Fenway Park Boston, MA Tuesday,September 4th, 2018

Imagine your name is Albert, and your favorite fruit is bananas. You’re wearing a little space helmet, and the cutest midget sized space suit. You’re sitting inside a tin capsule strapped to a rocket ship.

You’re a nervous little monkey.

The anticipation of where you are going and what you are about to see is electrically terrifying, yet pulsatingly exciting. Your peanut size rhesus brain is firing on all cylinders. What could these giants have in store for you? What magical voyage have you been chosen to experience. You have no idea and so you think to yourself, "I'm just a dumb monkey that got trapped in a bamboo snare. Next thing you know I'm at NASA training for flight school"............WOOOOAAAAAAH FUCK WAS THAT‽‽‽‽‽ Without warning, your brain touches the back of your skull as the rocket ship boosters ignite and explode from the ground.

The g-forces press your face to the back of your ears as the capsule vibrates your chest and pounds you relentlessly like a teenager beating his dick for the first time.

You just got shot into space you little son-of-a-bitch!

Given To Fly begins with a steady rumble of a riot with Matt and Jeff fueling the charge and counting us down to liftoff. By the time the waves come crashing like a fist to our jaw, we have been rocket blasted into the black starry sky above Fenway Park, and now we are all Albert. Our faces pressed against our ears with fresh waves of Pearl Jam brand jet fuel incinerating our skin. Like that dumb monkey, we had no idea what to expect, and we are all in.

Will the boys wine us and dine us once again, before running a gangbang 69 train on the entire crowd, or would they sink their teeth into our flesh and crack open our skulls to eat our brains.

If the first song is any indication of what fuckery the band has cooked up for us, we are in for a long and memorable flight.

"Captain Vedder has turned OFF the seatbelt sign and you are now free to dance around the ballpark. In the event of loss of cabin pressure, grab your neighbors ass and hold on for dear life. The flight from Fenway to the Moon will last approximately 3 hours."

Don’t look down, because we’re 30,000 miles high and climbing.

Given to Fly was the perfect opening to Night 2 and it was clear Mike was laser focussed on his playing despite, or perhaps because of, the “drugs” he took for his infection. He is infected for the record, he has the fever as Ed so easily pointed out. Disregarding his own well being, MFM would later dive into the crowd during Even Flow. Yes. The man is a living rock god.

If night one was our prim and proper first date, night two was our sloppy drunk make out session in the back of the club rolling on ecstasy, and just like that, The Band is furiously fingerbanging us like and Animal.... 1,2,3,4,5 against one... bang, bang.

The bass playing of Jeff Ament on Animal can only be truly experienced when you’re standing 5 feet from speakers the size of King Kong's dick. The red flags for what I was getting myself into should have gone up when the security personnel started putting on ear muffles designed for nuclear explosions.

If you watched any of my Live FB feeds, you’ll notice that the pounding of Jeff’s bass and Matt’s drums were loud enough to blow out the mic on my cell phone. Imagine getting kicked in the chest repeatedly for three hours by a 10 foot Minotaur with anger issues.

Now... I’m not going to be so presumptuous as to think anyone from Pearl Jam & Company have been secretly trolling my Facebook posts. However, I would like to point out that I discussed the absence of Riot Act from night one. It clear to me these six guys enjoy a little confrontation and when a punk ass reviewer like me, calls them out on something, they come back to flip you off with Save You. Not that I had anything to do with it, obviously. That's just dumb luck and a funny coincidence. In any event, I’m just to going to let the band speak for themselves here...

"Gonna save you fucker, not gonna lose you, feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go, too important to me"

If you don’t know the rest, then you need to have a Google.

BlackCircle

Save You was fucking sick, and executed with their flawless grudge fuck you style that we love them so much for. Comparatively speaking, there was no heavy petting from the boys like Night One, and similar to Night Two in Chicago they were going in hard, fast and dry. I sense deeply that the Chicago N2 show could have held up nicely with Fenway N2 had the flow of the evening not been disrupted by Zeus tossing lightning bolts up the fan's asses. Weather being a cantankerous cunt, Chicago N2 never fully materialized because it was forced to begin at a different place and so this feels like the show they should have gotten.

Pearl Jam is the Baskin Robbins of rock n roll groups. There is a song and a flavor for each and every one of us. You may not enjoy the cover tunes, however, I personally enjoy the hell out of them. Over the last five years, Arms Aloft has become a song that has a special place for me, because my kids LOVE this song. I have explained it is NOT a Pearl Jam song, and my son knows it's Joe Strummer, so have no fear. The future is safe in my hands. The addition of the ad-lib lyrics, “Arms a loft in Fenway Park” was a fun shout out to the fans in Boston. Once again, it’s a Joe Strummer song, so, GTFO if you can’t manage to shake your ass to anything but Pearl Jam songs. Have some class and a little musical knowledge about your favorite band's, favorite band. Pearl Jam’s favorite band isn’t themselves. Let THEM have some fun up there, and let them play THEIR favorite songs for YOU and.... DANCE BITCHES!

If you’ll kindly make your way across the tarmac, Captain Vedder has kamikaze crash landed this plane in a raging ball of fire and you’re gonna need a beer to put out these flames Goose.

You SHOULD be trying to catch your breath from jumping up and down to Arms Aloft. If not, Lighting Bolt comes from the sky... like a...um... well a lightning bolt. The newer songs get a bad wrap I think. Lightning Bolt is a great song. It’s got a great bouncy rhythm that manages to walk that precarious line between over produced pop single designed to sell albums with just enough edge to get away with being cool. (I will be discussing a deeper personal meaning for this song at a later date)

[Now, here once again, the coincidences are piling up. Save You, Arms Aloft, Lightning Bolt... next you’re gonna tell me they are gonna play I Am Mine, Smile and talk about ALS and then do Dirty Water. Yeah right... that’s crazy.]

Someone who doesn’t get enough love on a regular basis is Stone and I love that guy. When the high pitched winding opening of Red Mosquito kicks in, Stone fills in the sound with that rough sand paper fuzz of the mid-late 90′s.

There’s a subtle hint of blues and a nice dose of Neil Young slathered all over that Dirty Red Mosquito, and it’s amazing. The wicked witch herself couldn’t cackle out a more evil tone than Mike manages to slide into and out of. If this was the 1700′s, Mike surely would have been accused of witchcraft and burned at the stakes.

I can hear all our puritan counterparts now, complaining about not getting tickets to the witch burning in the town square.

Abigale: “I say, Goode Rebecca, doth you acquire good fortune at the burning Sunday next?” Rebecca: “Aye, the proctor Thomas received notice of his place and they are behind the gallows, our view will be most obstructed” Abigale: “Much shame, perhaps I may speak with Reverend Hekaziah, word has come Goode wife Sarah has the rickets again. Alas, she cannot attend. Reverend Hekaziah is alway at the rail for a good witch burning.

If Mike isn’t a witch, then he has certainly turned the tables on us and has lit us on fire. There’s only so much hot, flaming guitar wizardry you can take in your penis hole before you need penicillin.

So, after the first six songs, we’ve been burned at the stake with puritan witches and shot into space like a tiny monkey. The Jam could leave me right here to die in the gutter and I’d be okay with it.

BlackCircle

PART II of VI

Like Ed will sing to us a little later in the night:

There's no wrong or right, but I'm sure there's good and bad

Up to this point in the Fenway Tour Closer,  there has only been good and that’s not bad.  Right?

After six incredible numbers, even the God's would be forgiven for taking a moment to catch their breath. Edward rewards us with a greeting and a sip of red wine.   With zero love during Night 1, Riot Act has been given two songs in a set of seven.  Maybe someone IS reading this shit I’m writing.   (Stop it weirdo, whoever you are, I am not a sideshow freak.)

I Am Mine is one of those slow burning rockers.  It is the white hot coals at the end of bon fire.   In my head, I always remember this song as being mellow and slow. Then when I return, to watch the replay, it twists my nipples inside out.    It happens every time.  I Am Mine is a flowering dogwood that gets lost amongst the taller redwoods.  I feel like I'm getting a little derivative, when I discuss a particular song and then say, "annnnnd, Mike went plaid”, but that’s kinda where Pearl Jam lives, am I right? Ed sets you up with some poetic panty wetter and Mike cum’s on your wife’s tits with a earth destroying solo.   

Not to say that I Am Mine is THAT type of song, I'm just saying his solo in I Am Mine get’s lost among all the other insane Mike solo's. It's difficult to keep track.  I’m not looking for agreement here.  That’s just my perspective. 

Do you want to discuss Mike blasting your wife’s tits or would you like to move on to the Lost Dogs track U?

Alright... U it is.  

What can you say?  I didn’t see it coming.   I’ve mentioned many times am not super familiar with Lost Dogs for the simple fact I collect vinyl and don’t own that record. However,  I will say,  I am familiar with U. I put this song in the same category as Down or Outta My Mind from N1.  Just a fun song for the band to play and let loose.   

Song’s like U fill out a repertoire and often get overlooked. These songs allow the guys  to back away from the heavy sets of Pearl Jam standards and have fun.   To me, you’ve got the standards, the B’s and the covers.   Purist only want the standards and the choice cut B-sides.  These chebba-webba’s want to capture some unattainable perfect setlist, and they end up complaining about the show they DIDN’T get rather than enjoying the show that blew windows out of the apartments across the street.  People like myself enjoy the cover’s, because I know this is a well respected, world famous band.  Pearl Jam playing covers is them playing their favorite song for me and for you.    You gotta respect that.  We’ll discuss respect in more detail when we get to the Vitalogy portion of the evening.  

If you weren’t already enjoying yourself, Even Flow is about to begin, is everybody in? 

Hey frat boy...  you going to pee?  You’re gonna miss Mike fist fucking your brain, but whatever.   Prick.   

I’ve seen it posted lately that a few fans are “tired” of hearing Even Flow, and like I mentioned in my last review I have no tolerance for these pillcocks.    To be honest, if we could put these people in a vault and fill it with water while Mike rips an Even Flow solo during their drowning last moments, that would be the perfect ending to their lives.  

Don’t pee during Even Flow, although, I will admit the irony is delicious.  I’m pretty sure Mikes’ Solo on Even flow got my wife pregnant once... which makes my child Immortal and a little different.

Speaking of different Immortalities.... Mr. Vedder decided that we were more than special.   In fact,  as a tribute to the 1994 Orpheum Theatre show... (which was waiting on my doorstep when I arrive home)... Ed sang the ORIGINAL lyrics to Immortality, just like in 1994.    

Now.   You may think to yourself... "I don’t know the original lyrics to Immortality, and I like to sing along." I’m going to just stop Mike McCready above for a moment to interrupt his death solo, so I can toss you into the water vault with all the other twatwaffles who couldn’t tell greatness from dirty pair panties.

Sweet Skinny Gandhi, it’s like I’m trying to convince a bunch of 8 year olds to turn off Paw Patrol and listen to Black Flag.  Pay attention you deadshits. 

What’s coming up next is both amazing and sad, because Taillights Fade is a great song by a local guy and some of you agelast douchnoggins are in the bathroom takin’ a piss rather than listening to some quality Jam.  You’ve already missed Even Flow and the Original lyrics to Immortality.   Why not just go home already and give your seats to a real fan?  

Yes.   Bill Janovitz joined Pearl Jam on stage Sunday and this was a repeat, however, it’s a great song, and it’s very well done with Pearl Jam.  In fact, this version is about a good as you will ever hear, so I was MORE than happy to catch it twice.   Too bad some of you fergers were shakin’ the last drops from your tallywackers and missed it, I guess it was just not for you.    

This WAS for me. And we may jump down a rabbit hole if you’ll indulge me for a moment.   On Sunday, I wore my Vitalogy shirt, and on Tuesday... I had several “FUCK ME” moments... like this one, because I wore a Mick Jagger Tshirt. I wanted Mike and Ed to come running past me so I could put my Vitalogy shirt over my head and get called out.  Alas, my Mick Jagger shirt did not have the same effect. (Note to self: Always wear Vitalogy shirt to Pearl Jam)

BlackCircle

Vitalogy is my favorite album for sentimental reasons, but the BIGGEST reason is because Vitalogy was written for the fans and is a giant fuck you to the critics.   I get that you may not like the album as a whole or you may not like some of the songs, and it’s got some fucked up shit on it.  BUT... hear me out, IT WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU, the fans, and by extension of that edict... should be every fans favorite album.   If that makes sense.   Whatever.  Maybe I’ve had too many mushrooms to be writing this review, but I believe my brother in arms, Jacob Ruiz, will back me up on this. Jacob, may I have a quote please?

"I'm trying to be the better man here, however, if you spin the black circle of Vitalogy and it does for you nothing, man you need a whipping. If the album bugs you, I think Pearl Jam is not for you. If it doesn't make you feel a Tremor, christ what are you a stupid mop? And if those feelings don't last...exit my sight, please. I don't mean to pry, but maybe Satan's bedeviled you if you don't want to put on your Corduroy jacket when Aye Davanita begins to play. For me Vitalogy is pure immortality." -Jacob Ruiz

Thank you Jacob, I couldn't have said it better myself. The Fenway N2 Not for You throws a couple funky things at us.  The first is Ed chanting, “LET’S GO RED SOX” towards the end.   As a Red Sox fan, I was pretty close to jumping on stage, kidnapping Ed, running around the bases and sliding into home.    The Modern Girl tag is the first of many cry faces I made this night. 

Here I am, 42 years old, I am standing on the field I have been coming to My Whole Life. It's a place my grandfather brought my dad as a kid.   My dad, a former baseball player diagnosed with ALS, has a finite time left on this earth. The last game I saw with my dad was on my 40th birthday, September 16th, 2016. The Red Sox beat the Yankees, and that might be the last game he ever sees at Fenway.

A few days prior, I was GIFTED tickets to see my favorite band. And here I am standing in left field where Ted Williams once played.  Where Carl Yastrimski, Jim Rice, Ellis Burks, Mike Greenwell, and Al Simmons made diving plays and catches against the Greenmonster, and Eddie has the NUTS to play a Modern Girl tag.   Got damn you Ed...

“When I was a kid.... MY WHOLE LIFE, looked a picture on sunny day.... ohhhhh.... my whole life, looked like picture on a sunny day.... ohhhh....my whole life, looked like a picture on a sunny daaaaayyyyyy

To be continued.... (I need a tissue)

BlackCircle

Part III of VI

On the last Episode of As the Pearl Turns, grown men were sobbing on their friends like teenage girls with broken hearts.    It takes a big man to weep openly at a rock n roll concert.   It takes a bigger man to point out a giant bubble of snot and help their Pearl Jampanion dispose of that show booger. (You know who you are)

Nothingman is the perfect song to lay your head on your partner and let it all out while singing your every loving lungs out.    Nothingman is for everyone and everyone one participates.   Even those of us choking out  the words between sobs and a waterfall of tears.   

We’re not even halfway through this show and you’d have to be heartless bastard not to be a little emotional.  The good news,  we haven’t even gotten to the SAD part yet.

   

The boys have had just about enough of trying to make 30,000 people cry simultaneously, and they brought out the cow bell for laughs.   If you were unlucky enough to read my side-by-side review of the Wrigley shows, you’ll know that Can’t Deny Me didn’t immediately make me want to listen to it ever again.   After seeing it live in Chicago and now Boston, I can honestly say, the band has fine tuned the song into a decent live number.   Hopefully, they revisit the track in the studio to re-record it after touring.  It wasn’t the worst song they played in Wrigley N1.  

Ironically, the Fenway N2 version was better than the Wrigley version. However, compared to the full set list in Boston, it had the unfortunate luck of being the weakest song of the night September 4th.   

It managed to get the Fenway version of a golf clap which is a respectable feat for this milk dud.

Jeff and Matt seemed to be ready to break up this pity party with a good old fashioned DER-DER-DERerrn Dern-Dern-Dern.... BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP.....  At home drawing pictures.....  You know the rest, at least, you better. 

If there are better fans in rock and roll, I don’t know of any.   Pearl Jam travel well.  Just like with all things in life you’ve got the casual observer and the extremist and in between is the marrow.   Pearl Jam fans come in all variants.

We all like to believe we are living in that dark, rich, red center.  For all intents and purposes I can honestly say I’ve never actually met a Pearl Jam fan I didn’t like, (except for that cockalorum in Charlotte who asked me to sit down during NOT FOR YOU) ***I don’t think he knew who I was***

So, perhaps those trolling shit-zippers we love to hate only exist in their mother’s basements behind a keyboard and they don’t actually venture out into the realm of the rest of us.   Betterman is a call to arms for each of us to sing together and come together and rejoice in the Jam that is Pearly. 

I’m going to make a request before this next song begins,  Let’s all take a deep breath, relax, expand your mind and let Michael Fucktavious McCready crawl inside your brain space.  

 It’s a beautiful thing.  It’s a beautiful day.   -Eddie Vedder Pink Pop ‘92

The vikings tell tales of monsters living in caves one thousand feet tall.  The Greeks and Romans all had myths of God’s and sea monsters rising up from the depths of the earth to rape volcanos and eat mountains.  On this night, I watched a man grow across the fifty foot video screen.  He kneeled before me just a few feet away and ate the cake of Alice expanding and enlarging to the highest heights.  He flexed and stretched the neck of his guitar the very limits to which the strings could possibly bend without ripping his fingers to unrecognizable trauma.  The walls of the Green Monster begin to bubble and peel from the scintillating heat vaporizing the living bones inside us.  Wave after wave of relentless punishment beating and pulverizing our organs and flesh into liquid human puddles..... 

I WOULD NOT EVER TOUCH YOU... HOLD YOU... FEEL YOU IN MY ARMS  EVER AGAIN...  

Part IV of VI up next Jammalammadingdongs