Dying alone

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  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 13,662
    Sweet jesus. Edit the granny thing. My mind's eye! My mind's  eye!

    Hugh always has to paint these awful images to stress his points and ruin our days.
    :lol:
  • Meltdown99Meltdown99 None Of Your Business...Posts: 547
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 
    There absolutely nothing wrong in seeking help from a  therapist...a good therapist is far better than relying on pharmaceuticals.
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 13,662
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 
    There absolutely nothing wrong in seeking help from a  therapist...a good therapist is far better than relying on pharmaceuticals.
    of course. I've gone. 
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,057
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

    "Therapists" are people, same as the rest of us, and given that there's nothing wrong with embarking on therapy, why shouldn't therapists also do this? In fact, for people training in certain types of therapeutic modalities, it's a requirement. 
    I'm reminded of Dr. Melfi on the Sopranos and In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne.  Different spectrums, but both brought me some insight into the perspective of the therapist.

    OSG - agreed! =)

  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 13,662
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

    "Therapists" are people, same as the rest of us, and given that there's nothing wrong with embarking on therapy, why shouldn't therapists also do this? In fact, for people training in certain types of therapeutic modalities, it's a requirement. 
    I'm not sure why people seem to be taking my statement as some sort of slight to therapists or those seeking therapy. all i was trying to convey was that, just as you said, therapists are also people, so being one does not mean you have to be perfect in your own life, as hedonist was questioning how someone who has trouble in their personal life would be an effective therapist. I think many of these people could be just as effective, if not MORE effective in some ways. they'd be able to draw on not just their professional opinion, but also personal experience. 
  • oftenreadingoftenreading Victoria, BCPosts: 7,112
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

    "Therapists" are people, same as the rest of us, and given that there's nothing wrong with embarking on therapy, why shouldn't therapists also do this? In fact, for people training in certain types of therapeutic modalities, it's a requirement. 
    I'm not sure why people seem to be taking my statement as some sort of slight to therapists or those seeking therapy. all i was trying to convey was that, just as you said, therapists are also people, so being one does not mean you have to be perfect in your own life, as hedonist was questioning how someone who has trouble in their personal life would be an effective therapist. I think many of these people could be just as effective, if not MORE effective in some ways. they'd be able to draw on not just their professional opinion, but also personal experience. 

    I think hedo was more questioning the incongruity of the choice of profession with the statement that he didn't want to work with people.
    my small self... like a book amongst the many on a shelf
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    edited April 11
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    brianlux said:
    Don't knock the 40 years old plus marriage thing.  When my wife and I got together, our combined ages totaled 100 years.  We've been together now 16 years and doing great.   My own experience is that getting married young is a terrible idea.  I mean, kudos to those who marry young and can keep it together, but how many of those do you know?  I don't know any.
    I don't think anyone is knocking that.... I think we're just talking about how some people aren't into massive age gaps. And that it totally okay.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of foreverPosts: 19,057
    hedonist said:
    Because we're human and we have faults.  We also have some pretty fucking wondrous gifts and drive.

    I chose to not have children because I know I wouldn't be the kind of parent a kid deserves.  I expect no more kudos for that decision than anyone who made their own choice for other reasons.  If you want to not contribute to over-population but think you'd make a good father......adopt!

    TA, take it or leave it - I hope you can try to go from the "I simply can't because of X, Y & Z, and won't try to find A, B or C to help myself" mentality to one that just says fuckit and be yourself.  It can be healthy to analyze and digest experiences - and yourself - but to focus on them and tear yourself down in the process?  You've mentioned how you're working toward becoming a therapist but don't want to work with people.  How are you going to be able to help others if you can't do the same for yourself?
    therapists are often just as fucked up as the rest of us....able to look at something objectively when you aren't emotionally invested in it, and help look for solutions. 

    when it comes to their own issues? many of them go to therapy as well. 

    "Therapists" are people, same as the rest of us, and given that there's nothing wrong with embarking on therapy, why shouldn't therapists also do this? In fact, for people training in certain types of therapeutic modalities, it's a requirement. 
    I'm not sure why people seem to be taking my statement as some sort of slight to therapists or those seeking therapy. all i was trying to convey was that, just as you said, therapists are also people, so being one does not mean you have to be perfect in your own life, as hedonist was questioning how someone who has trouble in their personal life would be an effective therapist. I think many of these people could be just as effective, if not MORE effective in some ways. they'd be able to draw on not just their professional opinion, but also personal experience. 

    I think hedo was more questioning the incongruity of the choice of profession with the statement that he didn't want to work with people.
    True dat!  Plus I think patients would pick up on that vibe.
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 13,662
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    you have probably dated enough that you know what gets automaticaly excluded from the dating pool, though. for someone who hasn't dated.....could probably stand to be slightly more open. But that's just my take. 
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    edited April 11
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    you have probably dated enough that you know what gets automaticaly excluded from the dating pool, though. for someone who hasn't dated.....could probably stand to be slightly more open. But that's just my take. 
    Okay, fair enough... but 18 and 34? That is a pretty bad idea in an objective sense too IMO. And 18 year old is essentially clueless. In almost all cases, a teenager and person in their mid-30s aren't going to be compatible, and yeah, it's a bit icky too. But in any case, the very idea of dating an 18 year old actually creeps Thoughts_Arrive out. I'd say that feeling justifiably rules that age group out, and I really don't think a lack of experience has anything to do with that.
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • HughFreakingDillonHughFreakingDillon WinnipegPosts: 13,662
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    you have probably dated enough that you know what gets automaticaly excluded from the dating pool, though. for someone who hasn't dated.....could probably stand to be slightly more open. But that's just my take. 
    Okay, fair enough... but 18 and 34? That is a pretty bad idea in an objective sense too IMO. And 18 year old is essentially clueless. In almost all cases, a teenager and person in their mid-30s aren't going to be compatible, and yeah, it's a bit icky too. But in any case, the very idea of dating an 18 year old actually creeps Thoughts_Arrive out. I'd say that feeling justifiably rules that age group out, and I really don't think a lack of experience has anything to do with that.
    not in all cases.  you could have a very mature 18 year old and a somewhat immature 34 year old that are very compatible. would I do it? no. but I think ruling it out completely without any knowledge is excluding potential matches. 

    yes, I'd say if the gut feeling is "creepy", then probably exclusion makes sense. it would be pretty difficult to get past that if that's your first reaction. probably wouldn't last long. but it just seems that's not the only rule TA has about what he's looking for. could be wrong though. 
  • rgambsrgambs Posts: 10,477
    edited April 11
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    you have probably dated enough that you know what gets automaticaly excluded from the dating pool, though. for someone who hasn't dated.....could probably stand to be slightly more open. But that's just my take. 
    Okay, fair enough... but 18 and 34? That is a pretty bad idea in an objective sense too IMO. And 18 year old is essentially clueless. In almost all cases, a teenager and person in their mid-30s aren't going to be compatible, and yeah, it's a bit icky too. But in any case, the very idea of dating an 18 year old actually creeps Thoughts_Arrive out. I'd say that feeling justifiably rules that age group out, and I really don't think a lack of experience has anything to do with that.
    Those two posts are pretty arrogant Allie, lol!
    There are 20 year olds that are way smarter and could get the best of you any category you can think of, you can bet on that.  
    Were you clueless when you were 18?  I sure wasn't.  Maybe I didn't have all the wisdom I have now, but I wasn't the clueless child that 18ers are often painted to be.
    Post edited by rgambs on
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,022
    If this thread has proven anything, it is that most of us are arrogant. Or is that just me?  :s
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,022
    Could be just me, I would never rule that out.
  • rgambsrgambs Posts: 10,477
    Could be just me, I would never rule that out.
    No, we are definitely an arrogant group lol
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    you have probably dated enough that you know what gets automaticaly excluded from the dating pool, though. for someone who hasn't dated.....could probably stand to be slightly more open. But that's just my take. 
    Okay, fair enough... but 18 and 34? That is a pretty bad idea in an objective sense too IMO. And 18 year old is essentially clueless. In almost all cases, a teenager and person in their mid-30s aren't going to be compatible, and yeah, it's a bit icky too. But in any case, the very idea of dating an 18 year old actually creeps Thoughts_Arrive out. I'd say that feeling justifiably rules that age group out, and I really don't think a lack of experience has anything to do with that.
    not in all cases.  you could have a very mature 18 year old and a somewhat immature 34 year old that are very compatible. would I do it? no. but I think ruling it out completely without any knowledge is excluding potential matches. 

    yes, I'd say if the gut feeling is "creepy", then probably exclusion makes sense. it would be pretty difficult to get past that if that's your first reaction. probably wouldn't last long. but it just seems that's not the only rule TA has about what he's looking for. could be wrong though. 
    That is why I said in "almost" all cases.
    I think anyone is perfectly capable of knowing if that scenario would work for them, experienced or not. Let's not underestimate T_A's ability to know what he's not into. He does have knowledge of 18 years old in general and of himself. I don't think his issue is that he's too picky. No offense T_A, but you're always full of excuses for why you don't do stuff. You not being able to meet people over the age of 22 is just another excuse. Your age requirements for dating and perfectly normal. Your roadblock is that you're using that as an excuse to not meet anyone, when there are plenty of women closer to your age all over the place, and you being a student doesn't keep you from them.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    edited April 11
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    PJ_Soul said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    rgambs said:
    PJ_Soul said:
    Yeah, I don't know about this 40+ year old divorcee theory guys. You seem to be recommending to Thoughts_Arrive that he go for cougars! .... Or actually, you're warning him that most of these women are cougars and that he couldn't handle them. :lol: I know they exist, but I don't think they are anywhere near being the majority of available divorced women.
    And why would a guy in his early 30s be actively going for women a decade older than him?? He probably wants children...
    I'm just trying to convince TA not to dismiss possibilities and opportunities so zealously.  I think the idea that a person misses out on a deep and lasting love because they categorize people into these rigid yes/no categories without ever being open is a serious tragedy.
    Do you really believe that there aren't any 20 somethings out there that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?  Of course there are!

    No there aren't, because I have no interest in dating someone in their 20s. It would be weird for me and I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't even get most of my pop culture references, lol. If something makes you uncomfortable in this context or simply doesn't appeal to you, I think it's more than reasonable to not do it. One needn't be open to EVERYTHING. We all have our preferences. I mean, I could say to any guy in his 30s, well, do you really believe that there aren't any 50+ year old women that could match you and make you happy if you were open to it?? Well, sure, of course, but most aren't open to it for a reason.
    And yes, a 34 year old saying that 18 is too young for him is beyond reasonable.
    you have probably dated enough that you know what gets automaticaly excluded from the dating pool, though. for someone who hasn't dated.....could probably stand to be slightly more open. But that's just my take. 
    Okay, fair enough... but 18 and 34? That is a pretty bad idea in an objective sense too IMO. And 18 year old is essentially clueless. In almost all cases, a teenager and person in their mid-30s aren't going to be compatible, and yeah, it's a bit icky too. But in any case, the very idea of dating an 18 year old actually creeps Thoughts_Arrive out. I'd say that feeling justifiably rules that age group out, and I really don't think a lack of experience has anything to do with that.
    Those two posts are pretty arrogant Allie, lol!
    There are 20 year olds that are way smarter and could get the best of you any category you can think of, you can bet on that.  
    Were you clueless when you were 18?  I sure wasn't.  Maybe I didn't have all the wisdom I have now, but I wasn't the clueless child that 18ers are often painted to be.
    It has nothing to do with being smart. It's simply about experience.  I didn't mean clueless in general, I meant clueless about relationships. I can guarantee you that no 20 year old is besting me when it comes to applying life experience to reading people and decision-making when it comes to relationships. Yes, I stand by that statement. It's not arrogance, it's just acknowledging reality.

    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 11,077

    Crimson flames tied through my ears
    Rollin’ high and mighty traps
    Pounced with fire on flaming roads
    Using ideas as my maps
    “We’ll meet on edges, soon,” said I
    Proud ’neath heated brow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
    “Rip down all hate,” I screamed
    Lies that life is black and white
    Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
    Romantic facts of musketeers
    Foundationed deep, somehow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    Girls’ faces formed the forward path
    From phony jealousy
    To memorizing politics
    Of ancient history
    Flung down by corpse evangelists
    Unthought of, though, somehow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    A self-ordained professor’s tongue
    Too serious to fool
    Spouted out that liberty
    Is just equality in school
    “Equality,” I spoke the word
    As if a wedding vow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    In a soldier’s stance, I aimed my hand
    At the mongrel dogs who teach
    Fearing not that I’d become my enemy
    In the instant that I preach
    My pathway led by confusion boats
    Mutiny from stern to bow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats
    Too noble to neglect
    Deceived me into thinking
    I had something to protect
    Good and bad, I define these terms
    Quite clear, no doubt, somehow
    Ah, but I was so much older then
    I’m younger than that now

    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain.Posts: 22,721
    rgambs said:
    Could be just me, I would never rule that out.
    No, we are definitely an arrogant group lol
    And deep..don't forget deep.
    We're living on the edge of something big. It's a fantastic time in history to be alive.
    AMT, 1.25.15, 00:36 hrs.
    ***********
    M.I.T.S.
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,022
    brianlux said:
    rgambs said:
    Could be just me, I would never rule that out.
    No, we are definitely an arrogant group lol
    And deep..don't forget deep.
    And funny as all get out.
  • Thoughts_ArriveThoughts_Arrive Melbourne, AustraliaPosts: 11,688
    edited April 12
    Thank you all for your posts.
    Too many to reply individually, I would but I have a bit of work to do for university so cannot stay long here.
    To reply to points made......
    I don't think I am fit to be a dad so adoption is out of the question.
    Yes, I need to move out. I worry that the stress of going through a moving out will impact on my grades which I cannot let slip.
    I don't know where to meet same age/older women, not many at uni, they are way older (late 40s to 50s) with families, I don't like online dating and don't like nightclubs/loud bars.
    I am open to someone a bit older as I find many girls I meet immature even in their mid to late 20s.
    Yes I make excuses but I don't do it deliberately to get out of things and piss you all off, I don't mean to. It's just how it is for me.
    My lecturer actually said you learn a lot as a trainee psychologist by being receiving therapy and the therapeutic relationship can heal both client and psychologist, we're all humans, we can all relate to each other, therapist to client, we can learn from our clients.
    A counsellor I saw recently responded to me saying I am not fit to be a psychologist because I am not free of troubles that that is like saying a GP is not fit to be a GP because they got the cold/flu. 
    HFD - no offence taken with the tough love. It's needed at times with all of us.
    Hedonist - when I said I don't want to work with people I meant in an office team environment where I've been bullied in every job I've had. I want to work one on one with people in a therapy context.
    ThirtyBills - I wish I had the guts to tell that guy to fk off at the time, as well as all the others that gave me a hard time.

    Any points I missed, I apologise. 30+ replies is a lot.
    I have a few assignments due soon so I will probably need to stay off this forum for a few weeks until I get my work done.


    Post edited by Thoughts_Arrive on
    Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    edited April 12
    Join a meet up group man. It's not dating at all - it's just a group of people getting together to share common interests (lots of different kinds of groups to choose from), and to get to know each other, and maybe you meet someone who's a match while you're having fun socially. No pressure. Go here: https://www.meetup.com/cities/au/?_cookie-check=0n1Qk7Bz-sZA-ArG

    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • tweedyfanjentweedyfanjen Posts: 866
    edited April 12
    Maybe I should go to one of those! I need some new friends. :lol:
    I'm through with screaming
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    edited April 12
    Maybe I should go to one of those! I need some new friends. :lol:
    Yeah you should! They sound great. I haven't done it yet (haven't really felt the need so far... but I can see myself trying it out someday), but a few of my friends have - those who were new to town and wanted to make new friends as adults - and they had a good time and met friends. There is literally a group for everyone. I think most cities have a meetup site going, and it's quite popular.
    Post edited by PJ_Soul on
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • Meltdown99Meltdown99 None Of Your Business...Posts: 547
    It depends, doesn’t ... I mean if your dating to find a long term relationship, then obviously you are going to want be able to connect on multiple level, but if the 34 year old and 18-19 year old is only hooking just have fun, then I doubt connecting on the same level is likely not important.  
  • PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BCPosts: 39,599
    It depends, doesn’t ... I mean if your dating to find a long term relationship, then obviously you are going to want be able to connect on multiple level, but if the 34 year old and 18-19 year old is only hooking just have fun, then I doubt connecting on the same level is likely not important.  
    Well yeah. I thought we were talking about real relationships, not just finding people to screw for a while.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,022
    edited April 18
    I would really like to hear more from PJ_Soul and jnimhaoileoin (and others if they want to join in) about the positive things that come from being single and not actively searching.
    Post edited by OffSheGoes35 on
  • OffSheGoes35OffSheGoes35 Posts: 1,022
    edited April 18
    One positive thing is...having the whole bed to yourself. May take some getting used to at first, but it is really nice once you do.
    Post edited by OffSheGoes35 on
  • Miss.SnowdropMiss.Snowdrop ScotlandPosts: 113
    I love travelling by myself. I don't have to ask anyone or make compromises on where to go, what to see, when to eat and where. I just whatever the hell I want. It's amazing! And you meet more people, esp locals this way...
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