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Marriage!

MalrothMalroth broken down chevrolet Posts: 2,485
in All Encompassing Trip
How long? How Many? How Hard?

I have been married for ten years.
Would I be alone thinking a 5 yr on, 1 yr off rule would be a good idea for marriage?
The worst of times..they don't phase me,
even if I look and act really crazy.
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    vogonpoetbythelakevogonpoetbythelake Posts: 2,146
    Depends on who you are off and on with...
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    F Me In The BrainF Me In The Brain this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,617
    I'm on about marriage # 497 with Vodka.  

    http://community.pearljam.com/discussion/263305/vodka-how-do-i-love-thee#latest
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
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    hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
    F Me =)

    We've been married close to four, together for near 18.  Been hard in both good and bad ways (nyuk nyuk).

    I couldn't do the off/on thing with him - with us.  I like and love the motherfucker too much.
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    brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,682
    Three times.  First for 13 years.  Second for 5 years.  Latest, last and best: living together 15 years, married 13 year this November right around Thanksgiving... and always thankful!

    I think the key thing is understanding that marriages and relationships are hard.  Maybe not for everyone but for the vast majority.  Forget about "happily ever after".  Not gonna happen unless you're one in a million. Happy a lot of the time, sure.  But not always.

    Major helps: Respect, awareness of your mates needs/wants, and being kind.

    Two other things keep us on track.  1) Allowance.  We each get a weekly allowance to do what we want with, no questions asked, no criticism on each others' spending.  All other expenses have to be agreed on.  2) "Family Meetings".  At least every-other week we have Family Meeting where we sit down, go over our calendars, plan future events, discuss pragmatic needs as well as emotional issues.  My wife thought up both of these ideas.  She's a genius.
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













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    Who PrincessWho Princess out here in the fields Posts: 7,305
    Lol, I have a feeling I've been married longer than some people on this board have been alive.  Celebrated our 39th anniversary this past weekend.  I don't see how I could possibly be old enough to have been married that long but there it is.

    Plenty of ups and downs over time and some difficult periods.  There are some things that get a little easier with time but there's no predicting or controlling when a crisis may intrude.

    I wouldn't try taking time off from marriage but my prince and I have always given each other a lot of space.  Without going into a bunch of platitudes, what works for us is that we've always been friends.  I think liking your spouse is as important as loving them, maybe even more important, at least if you're planning to spend a lot of years together. 


    "The stars are all connected to the brain."
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    hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
    B, I hear you but am not on board with the last part.  Maybe it's different when children, even grown, are involved?  I don't know.  We've figured out our financial stuff over time and talk about other issues as they arise.  It works for us.

    My parents split around the 20-year mark (and years later, I get why, and how - not just for them but others too - shit can be so complicated and difficult) and I promised myself that if I made a vow to another in that sense, it would be given and lived seriously.  With a fuckload of laughs too.  Two for two.  My sister has taken the same road.

    And Ms. P - fuckin' A!  My/our mentality.  Come together but know each other well enough to get when your or their time is needed.

    Bit of a detour, but I hear so many people speak of wanting to be married in order to have someone to grow old with, come home to, have take care of them in bad times.  And sure, that's great.  But I want to be with this person for life because of who HE is.  That I feel blessed to know him and call him my partner in this clusterfuck.

    The fact that I'm with someone I love who loves me?

    Dupar's version of chocolate cream pie, with a dollop or two of Cool Whip.
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    rgambsrgambs Posts: 13,576
    31 years old
    Married 8 years
    Together 16 years

    More of my life spent with her than without.
    Looking forward to another 50 years hopefully!
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
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    The JugglerThe Juggler Behind that bush over there. Posts: 47,248
    6 years, been together 13. It's been great
    chinese-happy.jpg
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    markymark550markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,104
    Will be married 10 years in December. We've been together a little over 14 years. And to think, she thought I was creepy at first because I was stoned out of my mind the first time we met. :lol:
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    F Me In The BrainF Me In The Brain this knows everybody from other commets Posts: 30,617
    10 years later this month, been together for almost 20. 
    Ups and downs but wouldn't have it any other way.
    (And I still love Vodka as well, my 2nd wife.  :lol: )
    The love he receives is the love that is saved
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    dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    F Me In The Brain said:
    10 years later this month, been together for almost 20. 
    Ups and downs but wouldn't have it any other way.
    (And I still love Vodka as well, my 2nd wife.  :lol: )
    Vodka is your second wife? Does she know that?
    I SAW PEARL JAM
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    dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    edited August 2017
    markymark550 said:
    Will be married 10 years in December. We've been together a little over 14 years. And to think, she thought I was creepy at first because I was stoned out of my mind the first time we met. :lol:
    My wife thought I was creepy when we first met, too. Grad school for creative writing. I had a shaved head, wore a black trench coat and combat boots, and wrote comedic short stories about insane men who masturbated with crushed glass and fed the secretions that resulted from their autoerotic fits to their pets. 

    What a judgmental twat she was back then.
    Post edited by dankind on
    I SAW PEARL JAM
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    KC138045KC138045 Columbus, OH Posts: 2,715
    Technically was married for 14 years.  Divorced in June but we were separated for a year and a half.  We were together 4 years before getting married.

    I got two incredible kids out of the relationship so no regrets.  Still getting use to the single dad life but its going good so far.  Single and ready to mingle lol
    Columbus-2000
    Columbus-2003
    Cincinnati-2006
    Columbus-2010
    Wrigley-2013
    Cincinnati-2014
    Lexington-2016
    Wrigley 1 & 2-2018
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    brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,682
    F Me In The Brain said:
    10 years later this month, been together for almost 20. 
    Ups and downs but wouldn't have it any other way.
    (And I still love Vodka as well, my 2nd wife.  :lol: )
    Polygamist- interesting! We're good with having Mormons here, right everybody?
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













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    2-feign-reluctance2-feign-reluctance TigerTown, USA Posts: 23,141
    17 yrs together, 12 married. My soul mate.
    www.cluthelee.com
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    HesCalledDyerHesCalledDyer Maryland Posts: 16,418
    At this point in life, I'm not interested.
    Star Lake 00 / Pittsburgh 03 / State College 03 / Bristow 03 / Cleveland 06 / Camden II 06 / DC 08 / Pittsburgh 13 / Baltimore 13 / Charlottesville 13 / Cincinnati 14 / St. Paul 14 / Hampton 16 / Wrigley I 16 / Wrigley II 16 / Baltimore 20 (xx) / Camden 22 / Baltimore 24
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    FoxyRedLaFoxyRedLa Lauren / MI Posts: 4,810
    Will start our 14th year in Aug. 1 and only marriage. 3 kids. SO HARD!!! We had too many outside fucks - fuckin up our lives. July was the first full year that has been absolutely fenominal! The current love machine is chuggin on, just try to fuck with us now. 
    Oh please let it rain today.
    Those that can be trusted can change their mind.
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    HobbesHobbes Pacific Northwest Posts: 6,383
    https://youtu.be/9iC_V9D3iT8
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    dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    Hobbes said:
    https://youtu.be/9iC_V9D3iT8
    That was my first thought, too. :lol:
    I SAW PEARL JAM
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    KC138045KC138045 Columbus, OH Posts: 2,715
    Image result for Office marriage meme
    Columbus-2000
    Columbus-2003
    Cincinnati-2006
    Columbus-2010
    Wrigley-2013
    Cincinnati-2014
    Lexington-2016
    Wrigley 1 & 2-2018
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    PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 49,515
    HesCalledDyer said:
    At this point in life, I'm not interested.
    Ditto
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
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    dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    PJ_Soul said:
    HesCalledDyer said:
    At this point in life, I'm not interested.
    Ditto
    https://youtu.be/Y0ShvQ2fhKM
    I SAW PEARL JAM
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    LizardLizard So Cal Posts: 12,069
    32 years this past July 20!!!! :o
    Two grown sons that are doing pretty good...The hardest part has been OUTSIDE stuff... our relationship has been pretty easy for the most part.
    WHERE did the time go???


    So I'll just lie down and wait for the dream
    Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
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    PoncierPoncier Posts: 16,220
    19 yrs in June.
    This weekend we rock Portland
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    2-feign-reluctance2-feign-reluctance TigerTown, USA Posts: 23,141
    PJ_Soul said:
    HesCalledDyer said:
    At this point in life, I'm not interested.
    Ditto
    I sense a love connection :heart:
    www.cluthelee.com
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    dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam NINUNINOPRO Posts: 139,151
    so many wars started in the name of freedom!!ill keep fighting for it.....so no thanks
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
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    PJ_SoulPJ_Soul Vancouver, BC Posts: 49,515
    dimitrispearljam said:
    so many wars started in the name of freedom!!ill keep fighting for it.....so no thanks

    Yes. This image reflects my relationship status (besides the gender, lol).



    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
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    rgambsrgambs Posts: 13,576
    Don't want to get married?  That's groovy, more power to you!

    I do have to say though, a good marriage doesn't really restrict any freedom but the freedom to bone other people.
    Monkey Driven, Call this Living?
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    dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    rgambs said:
    Don't want to get married?  That's groovy, more power to you!

    I do have to say though, a good marriage doesn't really restrict any freedom but the freedom to bone other people.
    And that's only if you have a closed marriage and then your spouse finds out about it.
    I SAW PEARL JAM
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    dimitrispearljamdimitrispearljam NINUNINOPRO Posts: 139,151
    PJ_Soul said:
    dimitrispearljam said:
    so many wars started in the name of freedom!!ill keep fighting for it.....so no thanks

    Yes. This image reflects my relationship status (besides the gender, lol).




    that doesnt mean we cant have fun together ;)
    "...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
    "..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
    “..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
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