Give me some good advice

Cradles Broken Glass

Should I voice my disappointment to my employer that they did not send flowers or a card during my time of loss? I work at a small school district where the hat is constantly passed for anything and everything. We take up money for deaths, graduations, babies, etc. My grandmother recently passed away, and nothing was done or said. It was a really hard time to get through, and the lack of acknowledgement from my coworkers really only added to my hurt. I feel like I should say something to let them know that I was hurt, but I want to do so in a tactful way. Should I say anything? What should I say? I know this might be a little odd to ask here, but I want to some unbiased opinions before I make an ass of myself.

brianlux

Is there perhaps someone you work with that you know better or are closer to to whom you might say something in hopes that the word would get around?  It might go over better if you talk about your feelings of loss, rather than about their neglect so as not to put them on the defensive-- although you might say something like, "I feel alone (or lonely) in my loss", so they get a hint.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of you grandmother.  It's hard to loose someone like that you're close to.  Wishing you the best and I hope some more empathetic souls will step forward for you at work. 

hedonist

I'm sorry about your grandmother, and that sense of feeling alone (though you aren't).  Are you hoping for an apology from your coworkers in not saying / doing something?  Would you want their actions and words of sympathy to be prompted?  I agree with B up there about speaking with someone you're close with - not necessarily to spread the word but maybe moreso to just get out some of what you're feeling.  You need to.  Grief need not be held in or silenced.

I'd also suggest spending some good quality time with the cute, sweet pooch you posted on the doggie thread

Amongst the Ani

I would wait for the next time they passed the hat for someone else and instead stick a note in telling them to kiss your ass instead of money. 

dankind

Amongst the Ani said:

I would wait for the next time they passed the hat for someone else and instead stick a note in telling them to kiss your ass instead of money. 

And make sure that you proofread the note.

Sorry for your loss.

It sounds as though the feeling of being slighted or maybe just ignored and unloved by your coworkers is likely compounded with your grief. And if you suspect that might be the case, my advice would be to focus more on the grief than your hurt over feeling invisible to your colleagues. The more you transfer your feelings of grief over to how you're feeling about the perceived lack of sympathy from your coworkers, the longer it will take for you to process your grief and find some comfort and solace in your memories of your grandmother and the impression she has made on you, your loved ones and the world at large.

Denial is a bitch of a stage, and this could be a twisted form of denial that could take longer to unravel if you keep tying the knots. And if you feel that you might need help processing your grief, I hope that you are open to seeking treatment from a counselor/therapist. 

Hell, I'll likely need to check myself in at a mental institution when my grandmother dies.

Hang in there.

rgambs

When I worked at a hospital where they "passed a hat" I never contributed because the benefit was not extended to everyone.  It's nice when some people are liked well enough to receive that kind gesture (and I was among those who would), but there were always outsiders who weren't included.
Cliques always form, so even well liked people are excluded sometimes.  It's fine inside a clique, but if they pass the hat at large, but only for those in their clique, that just isn't right.
It definitely happened there, and I'd bet the farm it happens everywhere.

OP, I would wait until the sharp edge of grief is dulled to do anything.  I agree with dankind, focus on the grief and don't let the disappointment with your coworkers add to your sorrow.  In the end, even the closest coworkers are no match for Granny, don't fret on their lack of consideration, it is a reflection on them and not a rejection of you.

 When you feel recovered you won't need our advice, you will know what is right for you and your situation!

PJ_Soul

Cradles Broken Glass said:

Should I voice my disappointment to my employer that they did not send flowers or a card during my time of loss? I work at a small school district where the hat is constantly passed for anything and everything. We take up money for deaths, graduations, babies, etc. My grandmother recently passed away, and nothing was done or said. It was a really hard time to get through, and the lack of acknowledgement from my coworkers really only added to my hurt. I feel like I should say something to let them know that I was hurt, but I want to do so in a tactful way. Should I say anything? What should I say? I know this might be a little odd to ask here, but I want to some unbiased opinions before I make an ass of myself.

I would probably say something to someone who I'm closer with, not my boss or co-workers who I don't consider friends. Is there someone with whom you discuss personal things with at all? If so, that is who I'd confide in. Perhaps that person will have some insight into why they didn't do anything, as they normally would. It's possible that it was some kind of oversight that had nothing to do with their feelings towards you? I think it would be good for you to find out either way so that you can stop wondering about it.

hrd2imgn

May be an oversight, they forgot the birth of one of my children at work, I was pissed. Next time they asked for money I told them no thanks, and why. They had a card and gift within the week saying sorry we forgot.  Ask someone, get some closure

FoxyRedLa

Not to take away from your loss, where I work we have rules. Immediate family only and first child only for cards and gifts. Now that being said SOME of my coworkers would still approach me and say something. Now that being said I don't share everything with my coworkers. 

Sorry for your loss.