Mr. Vedder - A request for Taormina 1 from a father to his son

This is a personal letter to Mr. Vedder-
I have mailed you this letter from Shanghai, so I do not know if you will receive it, so I am also posting here…

Mr. Vedder -

I have attempted to write this to you for some time. Enclosed you will find my story, one that involved you saving me, me taking my mother to Rio in 2o15 to see Pearl Jam play the Maracana Stadium, and now taking my 5 son to Taormina.

I will make my request first, in case you do not make it through this letter. I am taking my 5 year old son, Desmond (D) to Taormina 1 (June 26). I am requesting Yusuf Islam’s “Don’t Be Shy”. Your cover from Boise 2000 helped me break out of my shell, one D is in. I understand if you have put that song in a vault. I am teaching D how to sing “Unthought Known”. He will sing loud!! He’s an amazing little man.

Now, please allow me to tell you how you saved my life. Everything you will read is true, no matter how fucked up it gets and it gets FUCKED UP.

I grew up in rural Missouri, no telephone, no television, no father. Just a mother who would do anything for her 7 kids (I’m #6). At age 12, I found your band. It introduced me to rock and roll. I learned what the power of music was.

At age 23, I moved from Missouri to Los Angeles to chase my dream of being a screenwriter. I had slight success, which just introduced me to the fast lane of Hollywood. I was able to pull out of that lane without damaging too many relationships. At age 27, I was madly in love (with a girl from China) and got married. My wife worked for an international tech company and worked her dream job of traveling (all over) for work. In 2012, we welcomed Desmond into the world. The wife’s work travels slowed for a while, then returned to how it was and then more. Soon I found myself being alone with D for weeks at a time. When the wife would return, we would fight about her work.

I got a job that allowed me flexibility for Desmond. I managed a low-income rental building, with most of my tenants being active drug users. Dealing with that, then a 2 year old and then fights when the wife was back. I found out she was having an affair that was going on for about a year. My son met the guy. I needed something to help with all of it. Alcohol was cheap and effective at numbing the pain. Then I started to do it at work. Then sometimes in the morning. Then alcohol alone wasn’t enough. Numbing alone wasn’t enough. Snort. Sniff. Smoke. Shoot. The newfound ways of silencing the pain was working. I didn’t care about my marriage, just D. Once D was asleep, I would spend the next several hours forgetting about the day. As the fights intensified, so did my desire for forgetting. Affair? Who gives a fuck? Life? Not worth a fuck. Desmond? My life insurance will take care of him.

I found myself getting more and more angry. I had no one I could talk to about the affair, about how I was dealing with it. I was alone. It’s a very scary thought, being alone. Not having anyone to ask if you are ok. Those who did ask did not care about the answer.

Then Pearl Jam announced a South America tour in 2015. I told my mother (70, disabled) I was going and to my surprise, she asked to come along. No son should say no to his mother if she wants to go on a trip with him. Something to look forward to. I could not imagine the heartbreak mother would have if I died putting shit up my nose. I turned to medical marijuana. It worked.

Soon, I was planning a three week trip with my mother to Brazil and then 2 weeks in Europe. She taught art for 40+ years and I wanted her to see everything she taught. She said she enjoyed the Maracana Stadium show. She loved Europe.

I was happy. One of the hardest times I have cried in my life was when I saw Des for the first time in three weeks.
Life started to turn around. Happiness returned. Rebuilding trust is never easy. One day at a time. Then I won the lottery (10C) for GA tickets, Madison Square Garden, May 1, 2016. I was in front of Mike all night. You came over to say hello and grab our hands. You grabbed my right hand for less than a second. Something happened.

I have acid reflux, shellfish allergy (I worked for Red Lobster for 10+ years, after I left, I couldn’t eat shellfish) and -5.25 contact vision in both eyes. After May 1st, my eyes improved to -4.25. My allergies and acid reflux have gone away. I cannot explain it. It’s really fucked up. I don’t know what it means, but I think it means something.

So, I thank you. For saving me, for saving so many. I know now I’m not alone. I hear the other stories from your countless fans and I help when I can. I want Desmond to do the same.

I cannot tell you how excited I am for Taormina. Know that out in the crowd is a father who owes his life to you and his son who’s excited to watch his father watch his hero play. I hope someday I can meet you to thank you in person. I will undoubtedly cry. I will want my son to shake your hand.

Until that day, keep rocking us in the free world sir. Thank you for saving me.
Matthew

Comments

  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast Ohio Posts: 10,434
    Good wishes to you on your continued journeys with D.
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast Ohio Posts: 10,434
    Good wishes to you on your continued journeys with D.
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • hedonisthedonist standing on the edge of forever Posts: 24,524
    Well fuck.

    For all of the hardships we endure, all of the fuckups we make, all of how we get fucked by others, all of our weaknesses and weak moments and regrets...

    ...the soul's capacity for strength and beauty - and appreciation - never cease to amaze me.

    (even moreso when I myself occasionally succeed in that realm)

    Thank you for baring yourself and your path, Matthew.

    Good wishes from here too. And to your little one.
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