Hilarious product/restaurant reviews.

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Comments

  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Enkidu said:

    Oh man, Tree, that is the best. I love this line:

    I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

    Right? I first saw this letter when I was still on FB.. that line made me laugh so hard I peed my pants.. my sisters were like 'what?' we had all laughed so hard we peed over that!!
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    This is my second favorite part:

    Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Enkidu said:

    Oh man, Tree, that is the best. I love this line:

    I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

    Gives a whole new meaning to 'crotch rocket', huh?
  • SD48277SD48277 Woodstock, NY Posts: 12,242
    From the same guy that did the review in DEP's original post:

    "Oh they are superfruity alright.
    By R*** D** on July 23, 2014
    Flavor: Goji Berries|Size: 1 Pound

    I'd like to take a moment to discuss the visceral experience of eating Goji berries. Let's begin.

    * Flavor *
    First of all, they have a truly unique flavor which I'm hard pressed to describe. Imagine a cross between a pencil eraser (specifically, a Ticonderoga #2 pencil which you've chewed on a bit and used to erase, say, the first paragraph of your essay on 'A Tale of Two Cities') and used Bazooka chewing gum. It's a heady mix. There's a hint of burnt orange and dust bunnies, and a delectable essence of sweat from the child laborers I presume pick these bad boys. It's really quite piquant.

    * Texture *
    You know those raisins you find under your car seat after your kids have been snacking on them and then decided they were more fun to throw? The ones that have made it through at least one full winter and summer, frozen and baked in the thermal hell that is your vehicle, and then been coated in a light seasoning of floor-mat grit as they roll around? That's what you are in for. Chewy, savory awesomeness.

    * Form and Color *
    These berries are dried, and as such they resemble wrinkly little footballs with erectile dysfunction. They are a poisonous red color, somewhere between the lid on a can of WD-40 and a black widow's hourglass. Really they are quite striking.

    * Pairings *
    Let me conclude by saying that these would go well with meatloaf, a nice Gewürztraminer, Potatoes au Gratin, Ding Dongs, and Pepto Bismol. I didn't see any bugs or leaves, as a previous reviewer mentioned, but those would have made for a nice addition. While you can snack on them individually, I found that eating more than six was far too much for my delicate palate and intestinal fortitude.

    I suspect I'll have this bag for quite some time."
    ELITIST FUK
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Just found this one!

    Fresh Whole Rabbit
    Source & Image: amazon.com
    Reviewed by: Ty

    “I was sent a live rabbit, a hammer and a skinning knife. It doesn’t get fresher than this, folks.”
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Pure gold here:

    Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass
    Source & Image: amazon.com
    Reviewed by: Kristen B

    “So finally a weight loss product that I can use, and has results! I have so far used 2 of the kits and the first time was really messy and I almost died. I passed out after the 2nd incision to plant the bypass and passed out. I bled out all over and luckily my yellow lab ran outside after walking in my blood, my neighbors got concerned and called 911. I was saved after loosing a large amount of blood.. My dog saved my life! The second operation I was drunk and was able to perform with little to no side effects other then a nasty scar and a infection that took about 1 month to heal, but all is good and I am skinny now! .. I am so happy I got this kit as who need exercise and eating right! I can eat all I want and every 6 months there is truly a quick fix to weight loss!”

  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast Ohio Posts: 10,434
    While you can snack on them individually, I found that eating more than six was far too much for my delicate palate and intestinal fortitude.

    I suspect I'll have this bag for quite some time.

    :rofl:
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    There's some really
    Funny folks out there!
    Have you guys read "Wolf Shirt", yet?
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast Ohio Posts: 10,434

    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    Lol!! Wow!! My favorites are that all the Spanish folks in SPAIN were speaking Spanish.. DUH.. and no one told them there were fish in the water! Hahaha!
  • deadendpdeadendp Northeast Ohio Posts: 10,434
    And spicy food in India!
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • FoxyRedLaFoxyRedLa Lauren / MI Posts: 4,810
    And the distracted husband that wanted to relax :rofl:
    Oh please let it rain today.
    Those that can be trusted can change their mind.
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    FoxyRedLa said:

    And the distracted husband that wanted to relax :rofl:

    Yeah, that was good too!
  • dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    Some cranky old fucker wrote this one.

    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • SD48277SD48277 Woodstock, NY Posts: 12,242
    ^^Classic.
    ELITIST FUK
  • dankinddankind I am not your foot. Posts: 20,827
    It's too bad Yelp doesn't have a "thumbs down" option for its reviews/reviewers.

    You can report reviewers, though.

    :pensive:
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • whispering handswhispering hands Under your skin Posts: 13,527
    dankind said:

    Some cranky old fucker wrote this one.

    Hahahaha!! That is too funny!
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