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Form W An Alphabetical Analysis of ...

brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,718
edited November 2015 in Poetry, Prose, Music & Art
My co-worker, Darin, is in the early stages of preparing another anthology of local writer's work and has asked me to submit some verse. The full title of the piece I'm working on follows with the work in progress. It's a bit lengthy so any feedback here would be appreciated, and any well-meaning criticism is especially welcome. Honesty is always more helpful! Thanks!

Form W

An Alphabetical Analysis of Decomposition and Detritus
In the Formulation of Organic Material


File Drawer 1A

Form W
Word
Filled out line by line
Filtered truth makes a lie.

File Z
Zenith
Reaching for the middle
You missed the top.

Transome X
You’re out of place
Holding up the door
While the window falls.

Alternate V
Victoriously
What did you win?
Or are you losing again?

File Drawer 1B

Transitive J
Jumping ahead
Or just being somewhere
Locked in or moving on.

Personnel I
Idiomatic Identity
An illusory plan
Of what is to be.

Block K
Knowing or
Not knowing illiteracy
As alliteration.

Compilation L
In listing all aspirations
Enlisting all inspiration
Believing excitations.

Storage Box 11/19

Uncertainty Q
Quietly wondering what has changed
How it got here
Where it’s going.

Inline R
Restore data stream
Identify main goal
Realign confirmation input.

Nonsense S
Who are you kidding?
It’s already breaking down.
Get over it.

Determination T
That is, if that’s
Really what you want,
We’ll take it to the end from here.

Storage Box Forever

Always O
Pen your thoughts in,
Clear your mind
And then write them down again.

Planck length P
To the highest power
Or down to the smallest jot
We are somewhere in between.

Manifesto M
Or a Marker in the Sand
Either way no one understands
And the meaning finds its own way to the end.

Entrance N
Gateway to forever
But still so far away
Yet not time enough to fade.

Bins in the Store Room

F Forever
Never to end
Or end anyway and be OK
Now and again.

Impression E
From one page to ream
Or somewhere in between
Printed now and done.

Egregious G
At least you tried
It’s plain to see it
Unburied, alive.

Ambiguous H
Yet you hide it again
In plain dress and face
Undressed disgrace.

Bookshelf on the wall

Calypso C
Or a slow waltz
Movement to life
And moving again

Alpha A
To begin with again
Never too late
To begin it again.

Beta B
Or not to be seen
But just knowing what’s good
And what has little meaning.

Near the end .D
Effortless motion and free
Aches make no difference
Nothing can break you now.

Blue Empyrean

You
Tears falling as you read
Making your last stand
And putting it out there as best you can.

U to the Universe
Whatever you want
Forever and limitless,
You can go home now.

Brian Lux, work in progress, 11/21/15

Thank you, justam, for good advice!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













Post edited by brianlux on

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    justamjustam Posts: 21,394
    Brianlux, I like this!!!

    The only line I misread and then thought might be better this way is-->
    "Holding up the door
    While the window fails"

    I read it as
    "Holding up the door
    While the window falls"

    and I think I like "falls" better because the person is holding UP the door when he should have been holding up the window so it wouldn't fall.


    I love the rhythm of this whole thing though. Good job!!!
    &&&&&&&&&&&&&&
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    brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,718
    justam said:

    Brianlux, I like this!!!

    The only line I misread and then thought might be better this way is-->
    "Holding up the door
    While the window fails"

    I read it as
    "Holding up the door
    While the window falls"

    and I think I like "falls" better because the person is holding UP the door when he should have been holding up the window so it wouldn't fall.


    I love the rhythm of this whole thing though. Good job!!!

    Yes! Thank you- that's excellent! Much better! :smiley:
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













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    really enjoying your poetry and all your other passionate writing on site...thank you
  • Options
    brianluxbrianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 40,718

    really enjoying your poetry and all your other passionate writing on site...thank you

    Thanks so much Vogon!
    “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man [or woman] who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”
    Variously credited to Mark Twain or Edward Abbey.













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